glad it sounds as though you are really white-knuckling it at the moment.
Nobody is "blaming" your OH though, I'm not sure where you get that from..? It sounds as though you don't feel able to be honest with him. I don't think however that asking not to have wine in the house marks you out as being an alcoholic. Even before stopping drinking I would ask my H not to buy wine because I just didn't want to drink it and knew I would if it was in the house. I don't think my H ever considered me to be an alcoholic because of that...
From what you've written in the past, it has sounded before as though you feel as though you are either "on" or "off" being AF... you do a few months and then it all goes a bit haywire. I know you've also lost huge amounts of weight recently, and it reminds me of how I feel when I'm on a diet, or doing a new "thing", a new "programme"... I keep going for a certain amount of time and can see huge successes, I then riff off those successes and feel good about myself and it's all snowballing into a fantabulous NEW ME until... something happens, life happens, and it all goes horribly wrong.
I've recently joined the dots regarding my eating too and decided I never want to diet ever again, I'm sick of this feeling of either being "on" or "off", of either losing weight or gaining weight but there being no equilibrium. I've realised I have 'trigger foods' in exactly the same way I feel about alcohol (as though having just one drink opens the floodgates to inner dialogue; should I or shouldn't I, the pure torture..) and since stopping sugar and flour completely I have felt peace in the same way I feel about cutting out the booze.
Sorry to digress to talking about myself but I wonder whether you too need to get off this "on" / "off" rollercoaster and properly attack the feelings inside that are causing you to want to numb out with booze (if that is what is happening with you). We can all go on temporary 'personal improvement campaigns' but I think there needs to be a proper acceptance that the alcohol needs to go permanently in order to succeed in being AF over the long term. It also needs to be done on its own, not linked to any other diet or self-improvement tactic, to get rid of any feelings of deprivation.
As the saying goes, 'nothing changes if nothing changes'. You can do this, but it seems to me as though something has to change. Whether that's not having wine in the house, or attending meetings (I know you say you won't go locally but how about phoning the AA helpline and seeing if there are online meetings... just talking it through with someone would help), or immersing yourself more in reading about being AF. Be kind to yourself, I think a shift in mindset will improve things enormously for you and you can achieve that.