Dh has been secretly recording me help

[Daisycloud66]

Shit, total shock here.
I've just been onto a hard drive my DH bought a while ago for us to share as last pc crashed and I lost all my spreadsheets I use for tax return,

I created a new folder for each of us and dragged all his stuff into his folder. He had loads of MP3 files and assumed it was music so I've opened one up to play as if it is current music I was going to delete it as its on iTunes. But the MP3 recordings weren't music they were recordings of me. The first one I opened was of Big Bang theory from last night and had me talking to my dog. The next one was the tv I was watching again last night.
WTF is he playing at, I just don't understand it. 22 mp3 recordings lasting about 5 mins each.

How is he doing this? Can anyone tell me if its the ps4 that's recording me?

He's gone to work so I can't have this out until late tonight.

And by awful, I mean - sorry, but you need to know - violently awful. Almost life-threateningly awful.

Please speak to a local police community liaison unit.

I agree about the police. This behaviour is so far from normal that you cannot know how he will react now.
Oh and the tearful , penitent apologies and promises to never do this again are a well trodden path by abusive men.

I'm sure he is bloody crying - he's just lost the ability to fulfil his craving. Now, when there really are things to overhear, now of all times, he can't listen in.

you should also consider taking out an injunction to prevent him coming anywhere near you or being in contact with you in any way. I'm assuming that he isn't violent, and he may never be, but an injunction would mean that he also would be breaking the law if he has any other access to means by which to spy on you iyswim.

OP, nobody wants to scare you, but stalking is a big red flag for future violent behaviour.

Please consider contacting the police or at least Women's Aid.

some info about digital stalking from Women's Aid www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=00010001001400120002

Be safe OP

how about making sure he signs the legal document OR ELSE you will be going to the police about all this.
Meanwhile get some advice from 101 and Women's aid.

But get that template letter for the loan signed now while he is repentant

nettletea what a great idea!

Be careful about linking the contract with any threat re police action. The contract will be no good to anyone if he is later able to avoid being bound by it on the basis that he signed it under duress.

Nettletea. That is not a good idea. One it means the op cannot go to police if he signs and two it is blackmail.

Instead say "if you are yruly sorry the first thing you can do is do the decent thing and sign the contract the sol has waiting for you.

Next go round and cgeck every socket in the house, looking for plug adaptors.

You may also need to replace all lightbulbs.

Hiwever I am afraid he may still have bugs in the actual sockets. Basically these days they can be jusy about anywhere.

tbh I'd be thinking about sell8ng the lovely house and moving

Your other option is to have him locked up.

I wouldn't trust the police to find bugs. What would they know about it?

I can not believe he thought this would be OK to do

Op, just present the facts regarding the loan to the police and subsequently the divorce courts. I don't think the fact that he has not signed regarding it is that important tbh. The evidence of it is there in black and white on your joint account and the bank account of the family member that loaned it. Bring it in to the proceedings and all will be well I am sure.
Don't let that detail stop you dumping him. I also think the right thing to do here is inform the police. It would be better from a legal point of view in the long run.

the house does not matter as much as your personal safety.

Honestly, his behaviour is extremely dangerous potentially and right now, when he is losing his control, is the most dangerous time for you. I really think you need to take this seriously and inform the police and WA.

In contract there is a presumption that money leant between family and friends is not leant on a contractual basis because they assume there is no intention to create legal relations. You can override that presumption of you can show that there was intention for it to be a legal agreement. If you have been making regular payments and have an understanding of the terms such as how much to pay and when then it may be an enforceable agreement.

Do you have anything written down? Any emails or texts relating to it or the negotiations over it between you and him? It doesn't have to be a signed contract necessarily.

It would be a civil law matter so you'd have to convince a judge on a balance of probabilities.

I agree with Offred, he has been treating you like an object for the last 2 years, stalking and violating your privacy 24/7. This is a dangerous time for you.
I'd move in with a friend or relative for a short while. I'd also not trust any pc, phone, ipod, ipad. The software sounds extremely sophisticated and you shouldn't take any chances.
Maybe take the Apples to an Apple store to ask for help.
I'm lost for words concerning his behaviour. Deranged, dangerous comes to mind.
Please stay safe.

Please Op, do go to the police. There's a heartbreaking thread on here about a woman who did not create an evidence trail about her abusive partner and how it's left her in a terrible, life-altering situation. Please please do let the police know.

You know him best, daisy. Has he been scary, aggressive controlling? If not, then this looks very different. If he has aspergers then this behaviour is less weird. My husband would check out the legality of it to make sure he wasn't doing anything wrong. If it's legal, it's ok. My husband can't record one episode of a programme, it's all of them. He then keeps them all. Then he buys the box set. He buys entire sets of books by an author. He has a huge music collection, on DVD and then all on a hard drive too.

My husband could do this, his communication skills are poor, he struggles to connect with me emotionally, he would do this to feel better. He would then store it all. There would be no intentional aggression, just a 'short cut' to understanding me.

I'm a lone voice on here I know, but you know your husband best. Is he clueless like mine? Or is he angry and controlling and controlling and creepy like everyone else is saying?

Good luck whatever you decide.

Pklme. This is not your husband we are discussing.

How scary for you.

If this has come out of the blue I don't think I would take the risk of self diagnosing and looking for excuses. I would want it documented and investigated and a paper trail and someone to keep an eye on me.

SoDiana. That's why I asked daisy what he is like. She knows him. This is bizarre behaviour, but it isn't necessarily aggressive. Several things she said about him sound like ASD.

Just putting a different PoV. I believe that is allowed on MN! Daisy is welcome to ignore my suggestion if it done,t fit.