Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dh has been secretly recording me help

442 replies

Daisycloud66 · 06/10/2015 14:26

Shit, total shock here.
I've just been onto a hard drive my DH bought a while ago for us to share as last pc crashed and I lost all my spreadsheets I use for tax return,

I created a new folder for each of us and dragged all his stuff into his folder. He had loads of MP3 files and assumed it was music so I've opened one up to play as if it is current music I was going to delete it as its on iTunes. But the MP3 recordings weren't music they were recordings of me. The first one I opened was of Big Bang theory from last night and had me talking to my dog. The next one was the tv I was watching again last night.
WTF is he playing at, I just don't understand it. 22 mp3 recordings lasting about 5 mins each.

How is he doing this? Can anyone tell me if its the ps4 that's recording me?

He's gone to work so I can't have this out until late tonight.

OP posts:
aginghippy · 08/10/2015 11:32

Flowers Daisy. It must be such a shock for you to see that your husband is not the man you thought he was.

Original poster
Daisycloud66 · 08/10/2015 11:32

I am discussing nothing in the open, just incase. I haven't told him I caught his confession on tape as I am withholding that info incase I need it.
I am quite sure he could not have acess to my iPad with mumsnet info as when the Jeffery fiasco happened I couldn't password rest as I was signed up to a very old email address so I used the time not surfing MN and reset my iPad back to factory settings as it was full and I have changed my passcode. It possibly was being Spyed on as it was glitching and since then it has stopped.
That's a good point about DC ipad to also get that checked.
I have transferred some money from our joint account as my friend did say if it's joint money it's not 50/50 it's whoever takes it first so I have taken some for myself and opened a online saver account as it took seconds to create one. I've not rinsed the account but I have taken enough to see us through for a little while.
My plan for today is solicitor get everything checked out and I'm hoping my friend will pop in to talk about future plans and what the hell I am going to do.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 08/10/2015 11:34

Chilling to think he could be reading all this Op.

Don't give him that head start on anything

Florriesma · 08/10/2015 11:35

Given what anchors said op I wouldn't be holding strategy meetings in your house.
I would be getting public transport to a neutral location.
I've also been following this thread with horror Flowers

lotrben17 · 08/10/2015 11:36

Please don't keep this a secret from your family - I'd regard DH as so mentally unwell as to be incapable and a danger to everyone that knows him if he was doing this kind of thing. Everyone needs to know about it for safety reasons. He's very sick and that's the kindest interpretation and everyone he knows should be aware so that they don't become a target and can watch him if he has contact with the DC when you're not there. Sorry for you op, this is so utterly horrible.

PipersOrange · 08/10/2015 11:42

daisy I take back my earlier comment about it maybe being okay. I went away and thought about it and I think because it was something I had read online I just minimised it. You are being amazingly level headed and dealing with this fantastically, you're being a lot braver than I would be

Whatevva · 08/10/2015 11:45

He doesn't need passwords etc. If he knows this exists, he just needs to come and look, like everyone else.

Talk to your family, talk to your friend, but not at home Brew

Original poster
Daisycloud66 · 08/10/2015 11:58

Shit, thank you I never thought! Duh, yes bad idea getting my friend here I will go round to hers if she is free.

OP posts:
Whatevva · 08/10/2015 12:03

I would keep any electronic devices shut in a room with the boiler or washing machine or something Wink

ConesOfDunshire · 08/10/2015 12:05

Daisy, you need to assume that he is reading this thread. Please keep checking in to let us know that you're safe but don't give us any more strategic details.

lotrben17 · 08/10/2015 12:08

i agree with cones you've probably mentioned mumsnet so it's not hard for him to find this...you can delete the thread too for your privacy

wallywobbles · 08/10/2015 12:13

Daisy spyware is next to impossible to get off computers. Particularly macs.

YouBastardSockBalls · 08/10/2015 12:13

He's probably got a key logger on your laptop anyway, so he wouldn't need your mumsnet password as hell see everything you write that way.

Explains the calmness.

lotrben17 · 08/10/2015 12:19

and the fact the rat has already checked out he's legally in the clear as all the spy stuff is on 'his' property or marital property...

WishIWasWonderwoman · 08/10/2015 12:22

Daisy as has been said, please assume he is reading this thread.

It would be nice if you continue to update to let everyone know you're safe (or if you do a new post once everything is all over) but please for your own sake do not share details with us!

Talk to your family and friends but make sure you don't have your old phones/ipods/ipads/radios or anything with you.

Keep all the evidence and make copies of all the evidence (I know you have started this but please make sure you take care of the evidence, especially copies of the confession).

Good luck with your solicitor and you talk with your friends.

WishIWasWonderwoman · 08/10/2015 12:24

And yes, assume spyware is still present on any technology he has touched. He may have a key logger so he will see everything you type. Spyware is bloody difficult to get off apple product.

KoalaDownUnder · 08/10/2015 12:36

Good grief. Do you know where he is?!

happyending14 · 08/10/2015 12:40

I don't know how you can be so sure he is not monitoring your activity on here when he knows everything else you have been doing for the last two years.

BobbyV · 08/10/2015 12:43

Blimey this thread is shocking. I'm so sorry Daisy that this has happened. I can imagine the last few days have been turmoil for you.
I hope the appt with the solicitors gives you the answers that you need/want.

Do you have any thoughts on the future? It's clear that your DH has a major problem that with or without you he's going to need to deal with. There's something going on deep down that's caused him to feel that this behaviour is warranted (although obviously totally unacceptable/scary etcetc)

That said just try and get through each day at the moment one step and decision at a time. Stay safe, big hugs xx

DoctorTwo · 08/10/2015 12:44

Hi again OP, my first thoughts on reading that he deleted the spyware 'with one click' was "has he buggery". You should get a local specialist in (most computer repair shops deal with both iOS and Windows and will be able to document and remove all the spyware. Best of luck.

2boysnamedR · 08/10/2015 12:57

Stay safe. This is unbelievably horrendous

SirVixofVixHall · 08/10/2015 13:04

I have been sitting here, reading the thread open mouthed with horror ! You have to keep yourself safe OP. Maybe ask for this thread to be moved to "the place" things get moved to?
I would buy a new tablet, and I would call the police right away. They need to know what he has been doing. This is completely unhinged behaviour, you having to go and meet a friend in a place away from home, without your 'phone, as he can hear everything? It is terrifying! Anchors post was brilliant and there has been a lot of other good advice. Do everything possible to ensure your safely and the safety of your children OP, a man this controlling and obsessive isn't likely to let go of you very easily.

Bloodybones · 08/10/2015 13:19

Hi Daisy. I so hope you're doing okay luv. I've just read all 13 pages of your thread, and I am gob-smacked! I'm not one to jump to conclusions, but I am naturally suspicious. 1st I thought that it was most probably a mistake as you said he isn't that tech savvy, but I guessed wrong. Sounds like he was just saying that so as to not make you suspicious of him being capable of ever doing something like this to you. Secondly, I thought ''eewww, how creepy and embarrassing'' as we all do and say things that we wouldn't when in company..(farting, belching, talking to yourself, singing to the cat, etc) One thing I'm not sure of is when you mentioned that it started when a mutual friend of both of yours stayed the night, and husband was paranoid you and friend would get up to something. You said because he had had an affair previously. Do you mean your mutual friend had had the affair, or hubby? In my mind (and most others) a person would only really go to these lengths if they themselves were untrustworthy, and were/had been having an affair. I do agree with Anchor that he most probably will not have deleted it, and what you saw him do was some kind of decoy deletion. I very much doubt he'd find it that easy to give up having total access to your every move throughout the day, no matter where you are or what you're doing. I also wouldn't have been the 1st to think ''yeah, she should divorce him,'' but, I doubt you'd ever be able to trust that he wouldn't do it all again to you at the 1st opportunity, and if he has/is having an affair...fuck that, nobody's that great that you should ever accept that kind of treatment from them. Unless of course you have an open relationship..which you obviously haven't. Just thought, this must mean that there are recordings of the 2 of you in bed. Cannot see how THAT can be legal if you were being recorded having sex without your permission..even if it is just audio. Does sound like he has tried to placate you. Nope, wouldn't believe bugger all that he says/has said. I'm so sorry that you have had to discover this Daisy, but glad that you did for your sake. And that it went on for 2yrs just shows the lengths he will go to. Was he ever going to stop? Why should he, as long as he wasn't caught, and even then, if he can carry on getting away with it.. (fake deletion of the app..) Hugs.xx

Squishyeyeballs · 08/10/2015 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hellBellsJingleBalls · 08/10/2015 13:50

Oh op this is so horrible. Two years he has been spying on you, two years! That is insane and I think you're doing amazingly well at dealing with this.

Please don't listen to the poster who said you might be able to fix your marriage if he is repentant. He has been watching your every move for two years. He does not trust or respect you and I find it hard to believe he loves you because I don't know how someone could treat someone they love in that way.

Take care Flowers

Swipe left for the next trending thread