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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dh has been secretly recording me help

442 replies

Daisycloud66 · 06/10/2015 14:26

Shit, total shock here.
I've just been onto a hard drive my DH bought a while ago for us to share as last pc crashed and I lost all my spreadsheets I use for tax return,

I created a new folder for each of us and dragged all his stuff into his folder. He had loads of MP3 files and assumed it was music so I've opened one up to play as if it is current music I was going to delete it as its on iTunes. But the MP3 recordings weren't music they were recordings of me. The first one I opened was of Big Bang theory from last night and had me talking to my dog. The next one was the tv I was watching again last night.
WTF is he playing at, I just don't understand it. 22 mp3 recordings lasting about 5 mins each.

How is he doing this? Can anyone tell me if its the ps4 that's recording me?

He's gone to work so I can't have this out until late tonight.

OP posts:
Daisycloud66 · 06/10/2015 17:22

Hmm it's a possibility however I haven't synced my phone with the pc as its utter shite very old android as my iPhone broke recently. I will investigate.
And no history of cheating, I have a very dull life. Rarely go out apart from school and back and work from home.

OP posts:
Frequency · 06/10/2015 17:24

Some android phones sync automatically when you connect to a computer.

Have you ever transferred photos or charged your phone through the PC?

HubertsBirthdayStick · 06/10/2015 17:25

This sounds accidental to my mind

lifesalongsong · 06/10/2015 17:26

Sounds like some kind of techno glitch to me, unless you have reason to think otherwise I'd assume some kind of inadvertent recording being sent to the PC

Artioo2 · 06/10/2015 17:37

If I discovered files like this on my DP's computer, I would assume he was messing around with some new gadget or it was an accident. It wouldn't cross my mind that there was anything sinister involved, if they're as innocuous as you say. Is something else feeding your worry?

Was your phone in your pocket when you were loading the tumble dryer?

Zucker · 06/10/2015 17:46

Was there an item in the news recently where one of the new consoles was being activated by people having conversations?

Is it sound recordings only?

Daisycloud66 · 06/10/2015 18:08

I've looked at the phone and there doesn't seem to be any recordings on it.
It has never been synced with that pc as its a old phone from about 4 years ago and the pc is 6 months old.

I do carry my phone in my pocket occasionally but it would go in a front pocket of hoody / jumper and not back pocket as its too chunky.

Thinking about what I was doing at the times roughly of recordings my phone would be just put on side, sofa, desk and worktop.

OP posts:
BrianButterfield · 06/10/2015 18:16

If he wasn't in the house at the time and you were all over the place, I can't see how it would be him unless he had lots of recording devices (but why in the garage?)

Are there any recordings that aren't of you?

Daisycloud66 · 06/10/2015 18:29

No all of me. Random things eating dinner with dc, washing up, watching tv, working. I can not make it out.
And the garage of all places is really odd. All I have in there is a tumble dryer and over spill freezer. Can go upto a week without going in there.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 06/10/2015 18:33

Is he a paranoid person? I can't imagine why someone would do this unless it was because they were hoping to hear you either on the phone or talking to someone in person.

GrimpenMire · 06/10/2015 19:45

I would not confront yet. I would hang on and try and get loads more information. The devil in me would be making 'sex noises' in the garage just to see if he is listening to these recordings and if his mood changes Grin
Seriously though, if you think there is even a small chance he is deliberately trying to catch you out in something, wait and proceed with caution until you know exactly what is going on. That way also, you may avoid looking like a tit if it's nothing to do with him.

Daisycloud66 · 06/10/2015 22:05

Was awaiting my husbands arrival home from work when I remembered we have a spotlight search on the PC (Mac) so I searched MP3 as that's what the recordings were titled well a bunch of numbers then MP3 and a load of them have come up in a hidden folder im talking about 50 in this folder titled "cricket".

I have exchanged pleasantries with him and have come out for a ciggie or 2 and wine to gather my thoughts. I have decided I am not gonna confront tonight as I want to know what they are.
I will admit when I first heard them I thought it was him. Then after reading the comments thought I must be going mad as he is not someone who really ever asks about me and my day so why would he care what I do all day.
These files were on his profile page on the PC and not the hard drive. Am going to wait until he goes to work tomorrow and do some digging and see what I can find.
He has got quite a few memory cards and flash drives as he has a unhealthy obsession with vintage cricket and puts them on discs and youtube so may take a while to get through them.

Anyone shed any light into why the frigging hell someone might do this?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 06/10/2015 22:12

I'm worried that when he next looks at the files, the dates they've been opened will show. Did you do anything with the files, or just listen to them?

ImperialBlether · 06/10/2015 22:13

If he never asks about your day, you have even more problems than you stated at the beginning. Are you happily married? Do you enjoy being with him?

moopymoodle · 06/10/2015 22:15

Sounds very scary. It could be accidental but how would they come on in the garage and other rooms. Take copies of the recordings before you confront incase he tries to lie. If he's innocent he will have an easy going response and explanation.

Daisycloud66 · 06/10/2015 22:26

Good idea, I never even considered taking a copy of them. I couldn't confront tonight as I know by the time I get back from school run they will be gone from pc. And if he transferred them over to a disc instead I would never find them as he has hundreds of DVDs in massive wallets and there self made dvd discs so it would not be obvious.

Um yes quite happily married, He's very much his own person and likes his own company where as I don't. I give him quite a bit of space as I can be quite full on and needy. We get on alright and majority of the time were pretty good.

OP posts:
Fugghetaboutit · 06/10/2015 22:35

Are you a sahm and he's out all day?

First thing that I thought of was a device that would start recording when it hears noise - talking etc. like he's keeping an eye on you while you're at home and not up to anything else. I would keep digging too.

Daisycloud66 · 06/10/2015 22:47

Yes pretty much a SAHM, although DCs are at school so not really in a way but I work from home and am in all day. I had a little Google earlier and I have seen a gadget called a voice activated recorder. So that seems likely it's quite small and looks a bit like a thin remote control. There really quite cheap too.

OP posts:
AmysTiara · 06/10/2015 22:59

Just ask him. You seem determined to think the worst but it's probably innocent

ImperialBlether · 06/10/2015 23:02

It's something a private detective I spoke to (did some work for her) recommended to her clients, though hers involved a phone.

I think he thinks he will catch you talking on the phone or talking to a man who's in the house, tbh. I would be very careful and would definitely tell a RL friend what you've found out.

ImperialBlether · 06/10/2015 23:03

When was it he recorded you?

OP, I don't want to worry you, but if he's recording you, he could have a keylogger on your laptop. Are you using your phone now?

Daisycloud66 · 06/10/2015 23:11

I'm using iPad. Only use the shared pc for work or if I'm typing a letter or something like that.
I can't think of a logical explanation of recording someone. If I confront now the evidence will be gone.

It would be innocent if I sat on a remote and recorded myself. But why would it record me in the garage

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 06/10/2015 23:14

Look, if he's done this deliberately, then he's recording you wherever you might be. He's not listening to you making cakes or typing - that's not the point of it.

He's trying to hear whether a) you're actually in the house when you say you are or b) what you are saying on the phone or c) what you are saying to another person.

There isn't any other explanation, OP.

moopymoodle · 06/10/2015 23:27

I agree if this isn't innocent then it's obviously paranoia and he will be watching you on a much bigger scale. He could be monitoring your ipad, pc and phone. It's easy to even log websites visited and so on. Are you sure he's not installed any apps on your phone that do it? My sister can see her husbands exact whereabouts on her iPhone as his is set up on some app to show location or something incase lost.

Garrick · 06/10/2015 23:29

If they're ALL of you pootling about your day - none of an empty house, for instance, or the washing machine going while you're elsewhere - then I do find this odd and worrying.

Every mobile phone can be set to 'silently' record (that means secretly). It's very easy with smartphones, no matter their age, and can even be done with un-smart mobiles. If you normally have yours with you, this is the most likely source. The program usually uploads the recording straight away.

I've got no bloody idea why he'd be doing this. If he's not given to mucking about with the inner workings of his gadgets, accidental experiments seem to be out of the picture. Also, I've got no idea where you go from here - but I wanted to share the info about phones. If I were you, I'd want every morsel of possible information before going further! And, yes, I would listen to everything no matter how dull the files are. Some of them might give you a clue ...
Good luck.