He wants me to get thin

[peacefullake05]

I have a relationship with this guy. He is quite overweight himself but wants me to get slim or he won't marry or have kids with me. Apparently because an "obese" woman won't have a healthy kid. I am not that huge. I am 5'7'' and around 250 pounds.
I have been wanting to tell him how comes nature prevents an underweight woman from conceiving a child by not making her have a period, but an obese woman happily keeps having periods? I honestly think he has a deep hatred for fat and he kind of takes out his frustration on me. He gets annoyed if I try to say that I am fat but healthy. I know for a fact as my blood tests came back perfect more than once. He says I am fat so I can't be healthy. He says fat women want hunky guys but anyway, he is not that different. He wants a hot, slim girl just as much. Mind you, my ex was overweight, so not like I am a shallow fatty.

I've been dieting for a few months and lost around 40 pounds, but still have more to lose. He had started a diet but quit out of frustration after around a month I think. He has said he has gained a ton back. I've never pressured him into losing weight. Always told him he looks handsome to me, even if he's not slim. Can't say the same about him.
He told me a few times I'm pretty but always points out I need to lose a ton of weight and even went as far as telling me that if we got married and I didn't lose the weight, he'd divorce me. He says he won't have kids me because if I had them at my current size, I would just balloon up and he wouldn't be happy.
The thing is he knew I wasn't slim from the start but came out with his views about weight quite a while into the relationship and I felt kind of misled. I have wanted to lose weight for myself, but at the same time I want someone to accept me how I am. I don't want someone who will love me as long as I don't put on some weight. That's not how I perceive love. Also, I could accept all this hassling me about weight if he was in shape, but he's not.
He keeps telling me he doesn't think I will lose it all and this upsets him. Well, as far as I know I am not the one who quiet the diet and got even fatter. I am slimmer than I was a few months ago. I didn't lose as much as I should have, but still.

Am I right in feeling like he's being a right jerk about this?

Don't have a baby with this controlling twat....

Very dangerous individual by the sounds of it.

Vile

Don't marry him, and be very careful about contraception.

I knew a guy like this - he had his gf on slimming pills, made her get a boob job, Botox etc. Grim. She married him, and she's miserable as. She's basically waiting for the day he gets a younger model. She's never good enough for him (he is loaded however, which I'm sure bears no relation to why she stays...) sigh.

Lose weight for yourself. Yes, your bmi is very high, but you know that. And you're aware that although you're healthy now, the odds aren't on your side to remain that way. Plenty of overweight 25 year olds have great blood sugars/blood pressure and lipid profiles. Not many overweight 40 year olds do. A 40Lb weight loss is great - that is a real achievement! So keep going, slow and steady, putting your health first.

Ditch him. You deserve much better. The thing about wanting someone 'pure' made me shudder. Urgh.

Cactus Annie, give her a break. Wrong thread love. On this thread, I think the weight is a red herring in fact. Let her get rid of the twat first.

I look at myself in the mirror, I have seen women way bigger than me. My weight is mainly on the legs and hips. I don't have three chins etc. I don't think I'm fine the way I look, but, even if I am obese, I don't look my weight. Fact because people when estimating my weight say I weigh around 20kg less than I actually do.

That said, I know I am obese and not just chubby but I walk and use an exercise bike without struggling too much. I am not just a bit chubby, no, but I am not a shapeless blob either.

yeah he's a prize wanker. def time to call time.

I am 29 btw and he is 35. He also says I am on the verge of being old to give birth because women after 30 are more likely to give birth to unhealthy kids etc!

That's not true. I am not saying I am healthier than a slim woman. What I said is that being very underweight is not better thanbeing obese like he said anyway.
Also no one has told me I am fine at my current weight and I have said myself I know I need to lose weight. Where did you see that I think I don't need to lose weight?

I don't think there is anyone on the thread disputing that peaceful needs to lose weight, CactusAnnie. But reinforcing the negative messages she's getting from this dreadful man will not help her build up the strength to dump his sorry arse.

Her weight is not the problem on this thread. This man is far more unhealthy for her than her weight.

peaceful he is always going to find stuff to throw at you to make you feel bad about yourself. Because it makes him feel good about himself.

I am 29 btw and he is 35. He also says I am on the verge of being old to give birth because women after 30 are more likely to give birth to unhealthy kids etc!

He's trying to scare and control you.

Your weight is not the real issue here - your controlling twat of a boyfriend, IS.

Fat men are more likely to shoot blanks, bet he hasn't mentioned that...

No, you're fine, it's his sperm that's ageing.

And let's face it if you don't mate with him (please don't it will ruin your life) no-one will.

Which is a good thing.

Cactus ODFOD. You've established on previous threads that you have serious hang ups about your body image. Don't project that onto someone with a relationship issue she wants to discuss. If the OP starts a thread in weight loss, by all means say all of this. If she wanted your advice about her weight she would have asked for it.

First thing first, dump the twat.

Then lose as much weight to make you happy and self confident and healthy.

Then date decent blokes who like you for who you are as a self-confident person with excellent self esteem and a take no shit attitude

Cactus I know I am obese... I am not happy or proud about it and I am already dieting and using an exercise bike. I might develop obesity-related diseases one day if I don't do anything about it and I know.
At the moment I am healthy and I count on being slim so I won't have health problems due to my weight. My desire is to get thinner and to be happy with my body.
I also want a man who loves me whether I weigh 250lbs or 120. I am aware I need to lose weight but I need support and encouragement not someone who makes me anxious about it and rushes me into losing it as quick as possible.

43percent thats appalling

How is your friend now?

He is an idiot and you are overweight. Don't stay and do diet:) x

Cactus I am all for waiting until I am slim to have kids. I am also obese etc. I have already said that. I don't intend to stay fat

Cactus, a person can only deal with one issue at a time.

First issue, remove twat from life.

She can then get on with the weight loss, which to be fair, sounds like she's already trying to do.

I think you could lose 16 stone of dead weight in one fell swoop.

Tell him to get to fuckery.

OP has already lost 40lb! Which is a large amount and while there is a way to go it shows determination and more than that she's done it in a sustainable way while her dick of a bloke flings extreme diets at her and complains she's not getting thin enough quick enough!

So well done on the weight loss and keep at it
Ditch the bloke he's an arse. You're only 29 you're hardly past it dump him and keep doing what you're doing and go out and have some fun

Ive lost 10 stone. But i panic and break out into a sweat every time i get asked out socially and make excuses not to go. I panic when there are special occasions coming up that may involve food. Friends have actually stopped contacting me because ive been avoiding social interaction that may involve food. Im teetotal so alcohol isnt a problem. Im more paranoid than i was when i was bigger although i am happier overall.