He wants me to get thin

[peacefullake05]

I have a relationship with this guy. He is quite overweight himself but wants me to get slim or he won't marry or have kids with me. Apparently because an "obese" woman won't have a healthy kid. I am not that huge. I am 5'7'' and around 250 pounds.
I have been wanting to tell him how comes nature prevents an underweight woman from conceiving a child by not making her have a period, but an obese woman happily keeps having periods? I honestly think he has a deep hatred for fat and he kind of takes out his frustration on me. He gets annoyed if I try to say that I am fat but healthy. I know for a fact as my blood tests came back perfect more than once. He says I am fat so I can't be healthy. He says fat women want hunky guys but anyway, he is not that different. He wants a hot, slim girl just as much. Mind you, my ex was overweight, so not like I am a shallow fatty.

I've been dieting for a few months and lost around 40 pounds, but still have more to lose. He had started a diet but quit out of frustration after around a month I think. He has said he has gained a ton back. I've never pressured him into losing weight. Always told him he looks handsome to me, even if he's not slim. Can't say the same about him.
He told me a few times I'm pretty but always points out I need to lose a ton of weight and even went as far as telling me that if we got married and I didn't lose the weight, he'd divorce me. He says he won't have kids me because if I had them at my current size, I would just balloon up and he wouldn't be happy.
The thing is he knew I wasn't slim from the start but came out with his views about weight quite a while into the relationship and I felt kind of misled. I have wanted to lose weight for myself, but at the same time I want someone to accept me how I am. I don't want someone who will love me as long as I don't put on some weight. That's not how I perceive love. Also, I could accept all this hassling me about weight if he was in shape, but he's not.
He keeps telling me he doesn't think I will lose it all and this upsets him. Well, as far as I know I am not the one who quiet the diet and got even fatter. I am slimmer than I was a few months ago. I didn't lose as much as I should have, but still.

Am I right in feeling like he's being a right jerk about this?

Have you read the thread, Freda? The OP's (hopefully ex) partner literally thinks women are either virgins or whores, and men don't want 'beaten up pussy', among other charming things. Do you think it would be a good thing for anyone who was in a relationship with him?

"I hope BF gets a hot, slim girl if he wants one, but whatever weight you are, OP, let it not be you, because he's a tosser."

Having read (most of) the thread I'd rather the BF didn't go out with any woman unless he has a personality transplant does a lot of work on himself. No woman should be in a relationship with someone as brutally misogynistic as he is.

Have you read the thread, Freda? The OP's (hopefully ex) partner literally thinks women are either virgins or whores, and men don't want 'beaten up pussy', among other charming things. Do you think it would be a good thing for anyone who was in a relationship with him?

BT and G, next time I'll be sure to emphasise it was meant in sarcasm, but to say that nobody would want him seems to be a veiled criticism of the OP which I wanted to avoid.

43 percent burnt im sorry to hear she still has ongoing problems because of that bastard.

Im a size 14 to 16 but was a 28. I do have loose skin (its not to bad considering my loss but there still has to be room for it in clothes) A doctor told me that if i got it surgically removed it would be at least another ten pounds off.

Ive actually had comments from a couple of idiots in RL that you can excersise off loose skin. The doctor laughed when i told her.

I do have a fitted size 12 skirt that i can get into its fitted because it has a zip and is not elasticated. Its a good few years old never got worn much and i havent worn it for years so it hasnt stretched. I have big boobs a small waist and then rounded hips and arse. Thats just my shape.

Ive actually had comments from a couple of idiots in RL that you can excersise off loose skin.

I've got separated abs from 2 big babies and 2 sections. I've done the MuTu System and all that other stuff, but I've basically come to the realization that it isn't going away and that I will always look about 3 months pregnant. Guys at the gym keep coming up to me and telling me I need to do XYZ for my abs, and I quote "because I'd be perfect if it wasn't for my stomach." I want to punch them.

Also makes it a pain to buy clothes, because it sort of gets bigger during the day so what's loose in the morning is a bit too tight at night. I've no idea what size I am anymore, it ranges from 10 to 14 (16 at American Eagle!!!) depending on the store.

get rid of that guy NOW.
losing weight is up to you. I have put on weight after my pregnancy. i have tried to lose and exercise. my hubby he doesnt say a thing. he better NOT.
he should look himself in the mirror i bet he is ugly.
get your pride BACK!

fitfatty they would have got a piece of my mind if it was me Theres no excuse for such ignorance especially in the digital age.

I haven't spoken to him, and I really don't want to.

I know I'm better off getting rid of him, no doubt about that, still I am very angry, so I'm not feeling that good even if I made my decision.

His mind is really warped when it comes to women and relationships.

Do you know, you could always just drop him a text and let him know that you have realised that you don't want to see him again and you wish him well for the future?

Normally people deserve a face-to-face meeting but I would be concerned this man would try to save face by doing you down. You don't need your self -esteem eroded any more. Or if you do a face to face meeting, do it somewhere public where you can leave when you wish to.

All the best. I was reflecting on this thread and given that he has lost and regained weight and seems obsessed by it, you will lose weight in a healthier and more sustainable manner without him in your life.

If you are not on a weight loss chat thread, they are worth joining. take care

RomiiRoo

I don't wanna lose weight too quick and be left with lots of loose skin. I do have a lot of stretchmarks and so I don't want more damage to my skin.

Peaceful i have some loose skin but its not hanging or anything. I had my big loss when i was 29/30 Same age as you Sorry if any of my posts have scared you in this respect.

However you are right in that you shouldnt lose weight too quickly but not for the reason you stated.

But to avoid gall bladder disease. Its what happened to me and fast weight loss is the reason why. Its excrutiating and im not exaggerating when i say i contemplated suicide. I had my gall bladder removed after nearly 10 months of agony when i couldnt even eat solid food. I was living on water biscuits and slivers of tinned salmon. The only things that didnt set it off. You do NOT want to risk this.

You sound like you are in the US. Do you have health insurance? Dont answer that if you dont want to.

Oh no, I'm in the UK. He is not a Brit though.

No, you didn't scare me. Your words were appreciated :)

I would just text him and tell him its over. He doesn't deserve more then that. Then I would look at getting into a sport or joining a gym, something that gets you moving and active. That's a great way to boost endorphins and all those things that make you feel good about yourself, and lose weight in a sustainable way. Also, I've met some really great and supportive people through sports and the gym who are still life long friends. :)

Get signed up the Freedom Programme then, as you are UK based.
It will really help you.