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Original poster

He wants me to get thin

316 replies

peacefullake05 · 04/10/2015 17:12

I have a relationship with this guy. He is quite overweight himself but wants me to get slim or he won't marry or have kids with me. Apparently because an "obese" woman won't have a healthy kid. I am not that huge. I am 5'7'' and around 250 pounds.
I have been wanting to tell him how comes nature prevents an underweight woman from conceiving a child by not making her have a period, but an obese woman happily keeps having periods? I honestly think he has a deep hatred for fat and he kind of takes out his frustration on me. He gets annoyed if I try to say that I am fat but healthy. I know for a fact as my blood tests came back perfect more than once. He says I am fat so I can't be healthy. He says fat women want hunky guys but anyway, he is not that different. He wants a hot, slim girl just as much. Mind you, my ex was overweight, so not like I am a shallow fatty.

I've been dieting for a few months and lost around 40 pounds, but still have more to lose. He had started a diet but quit out of frustration after around a month I think. He has said he has gained a ton back. I've never pressured him into losing weight. Always told him he looks handsome to me, even if he's not slim. Can't say the same about him.
He told me a few times I'm pretty but always points out I need to lose a ton of weight and even went as far as telling me that if we got married and I didn't lose the weight, he'd divorce me. He says he won't have kids me because if I had them at my current size, I would just balloon up and he wouldn't be happy.
The thing is he knew I wasn't slim from the start but came out with his views about weight quite a while into the relationship and I felt kind of misled. I have wanted to lose weight for myself, but at the same time I want someone to accept me how I am. I don't want someone who will love me as long as I don't put on some weight. That's not how I perceive love. Also, I could accept all this hassling me about weight if he was in shape, but he's not.
He keeps telling me he doesn't think I will lose it all and this upsets him. Well, as far as I know I am not the one who quiet the diet and got even fatter. I am slimmer than I was a few months ago. I didn't lose as much as I should have, but still.

Am I right in feeling like he's being a right jerk about this?

OP posts:
Original poster
peacefullake05 · 05/10/2015 14:26

Well yesterday I stopped talking to him and went to sleep. I really had had enough of the cunt.

I guess I thought he was nice at the beginning when he fed me his lies about how what's on the inside is far more important etc. That's why I let my guard down. Normally I know all this personality is more important is just a big fat lie. I don't think that's consistent with then telling me about being obese and unhealthy and that if I want to be attractive to him I need to lose weight or he can't stay in a marriage with me.

See, I wanna get slim, but it's obvious that his love has conditions and even if I got nice and thin, I wouldn't forget how that apparent love would be gone if I put on weight.
I should be grateful because the twat cares since he said if he didn't he would have stopped dealing with me long ago.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/10/2015 14:30

when are you dumping him ?

MySordidCakeSecret · 05/10/2015 14:31

life is too short op. ltb.

fearandloathinginambridge · 05/10/2015 14:31

I should be grateful because the twat cares since he said if he didn't he would have stopped dealing with me long ago.

Eh? He doesn't care about you.

Also talking about marriage after 10 months is a massive red flag. He wants to reel you in and treat you like shit for his own enjoyment.

I can't post anymore today but enjoin with others who are saying ... ditch the fucker already.

Original poster
peacefullake05 · 05/10/2015 14:42

That was sarcastic of course. I'm not grateful for anything.

The more I think about his words and comments, the angrier I feel . I wanna smash his face

OP posts:
helloelo · 05/10/2015 14:44

so, what's your plan OP?

PurpleDaisies · 05/10/2015 14:45

So what are you actually going to do about it?

AnyFucker · 05/10/2015 14:46

Stop yapping about smashing his face. What are you actually going to do ?

momb · 05/10/2015 14:49

Oh just text him goodbye. Life is to short. Talking of losing weight, that'll be over 250lb of arrogant bully you'll lose in one day: how's that for weightloss?
Don't even wait. You are angry. Your affairs are not yet entwined so there are no complications. Just cut him loose.

Seriouslyffs · 05/10/2015 14:57

Oh please dump him already.
What has this relationship actually entailed? You've really nothing at all to lose.

hellsbellsmelons · 05/10/2015 14:58

Even if you did get slim it would be something else after that.
It's all about abuse and control with this knob-head.
Dump him and do it now before your resolve goes and while you have us here to help you.

TheVeryHungryPreggo · 05/10/2015 14:58

4chan? You should have said, OP, this would have saved a lot of time right from the beginning!! Grin I had a feeling he was one of those neckbeardy types, but my bet was on reddit for the keto diet stuff where everybody is all about the BACON all day long.

(Not to knock keto at all, I am doing it myself for the second time. I managed to maintain my 35lb loss right up until I got pregnant again. Keto has a number of different side effects on women which you probably know if you've been doing it for a few months, we don't lose as fast or as easily as men and getting a period every two weeks is ridiculously annoying.)

From everything you have said, he is a walking cliche of a 4chan member. Obese? Check. Overly critical of women's bodies? check. Obsessed by porn? check. Slut-shaming? check. Plays computer games instead of active hobbies? Check. Lives with parents? Check. Does most of his socialising on the internet? Check. Hasn't had a real functional relationship before? Check. God, the stereotypes are just falling out here. I wouldn't be surprised if he's a red-piller, too. I bet he speaks in memes and has poor personal hygiene, just to complete the set. Bonus points if he has ever peed in a bottle in his bedroom!

The problem with people who spend too much time on the internet is that everything is blunter, cruder, harsher on here. Behind a screen people don't waste much time on diplomacy or social skills, because the screen makes is easier to say something shocking and you don't have to face the emotional fall out of face to face conflict. So you(he) can fall into the trap of thinking that's what is socially acceptable to say or expect.

Then of course when trying to woo you, it's much easier to pretend to be someone you're not, when you're doing it long distance and over text, where you can write and re-write your conversations before you press send in order to give the best possible impression... Now that all takes effort, and he isn't bothered putting in the effort to pretend anymore.

You know what? He's a virtual boyfriend. He's so one-dimensional he may as well be a character from a sitcom. Drop him, work on you, get out more and socialise, and meet someone with a bit more depth who actually has something to offer you instead of expecting you to offer it all to him. Imagine where this would go if it went properly serious. Would he be moving in with you expecting you to pay for his broadband, do his washing and remind him to brush his teeth every night, and then reward him with BJs?

ILiveAtTheBeach · 05/10/2015 14:59

I can't decide if he's a knob cheese or a cock wand. Pfft, I wouldn't marry this idiot. Talking about divorce before you're even engaged?! What would you advise a friend who was in this situation?

CorbynsTopButton · 05/10/2015 15:11

Rarely is it so clear from a thread what needs to be done. Please don't waste another day of your life on this man, OP.

The risk is that this thread will have allowed you to vent/offload, will perhaps make you feel better about yourself, and that you'll then feel better enough to tolerate his shit again. Please don't let that happen. Just don't.

Cheby · 05/10/2015 15:12

Just read your whole thread OP. Have you ditched him yet? You've had a unanimous verdict, you're calling him a cunt now yourself, just get rid!

OhFuckWhatHaveIDone · 05/10/2015 15:36

I like him even if he's fat. He has a cute face and I don't even see body imperfections when I am taken with someone.

You seem to also like him even though he's a misogynistic neckbeard cunt who quite clearly doesn't even particularly like you and your relationship consists of - what? 10 months of webcamming, text chats and the occasional visit IRL, presumably?

Get some counselling. No, really. Without the weirdo.

Atenco · 05/10/2015 15:47

Well I just think all this demanding that the other person changes is unhealthy. I was married very young and after a while I got the upper hand in the relationship and started demanding all kinds of changes, all of which my sweet husband did and I was still unsatisfied and left him. I'm not proud of myself, but it taught me a lesson about what not to do.

Original poster
peacefullake05 · 05/10/2015 16:19

TheVeryHungryPreggo I don't go on that shitty website, thank God. I think it's just full of wankers, literally lol. He's one of them. I don't go on reddit either. Yes, obviously those guys think women are the ones they see on there in the "fapping" pics, ready to comply to each one of these losers' desires.

Yes, he called me tank because that's how he speaks on that shit. He said he said it because he's used to using that.

I will dump the scumbag. In 5 years' time he will still be at home, jobless, masturbating to virtual women, fat and miserable. I will be slim and happy.

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 05/10/2015 16:22

That's the spirit peacefullake. I'd like to place a £50 bet that he will get angry and tell you that no-one else would want you because of your size.

He'll be wrong when he says it, incidentally. I just saw a chance to make some money betting on the outcome Grin

hellsbellsmelons · 05/10/2015 16:27

Absolutely.
I think getting rid of him will help you focus you and your weight loss and you will be wanting to do it because it is all for you!!

HelenaDove · 05/10/2015 16:39

Ditch him OP for YOU

If you want to lose weight do it for YOU

Not for this abusive dickhead not for concern trollers but for YOU

HelenaDove · 05/10/2015 16:42

Cactus Ive lost ten stone and i feel better and more self confident as a result but im intelligent enough to realise why that is.......its because society values women for their looks before anything else.

badtime · 05/10/2015 17:07

Helena, I think there are probably other reasons as well for feeling better after weight loss. Although I have never had to lose more than a couple of stone, I have always found things physically easier and less draining when I have lost the weight. This has meant I feel better, and has made it easier to exercise, which again makes me feel better...

HelenaDove · 05/10/2015 17:09

Agree badtime. I can do more without getting knackered

CactusAnnie · 05/10/2015 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.