Still shaking, old neighbour asked me for sex

[Frecklesandspecs]

Ok, please help. I'm still shaking...
I have one old neighbour whose wife died a little while ago. I've been pleasant to him and had a chat now again. Made him a meal or two when wife died.

Today he came round my house (was home with ds3) and kind of just walked in uninvited.
He said 'he needed a thing or two from a woman now and again and Wold I do a few minutes for £60. I said no way! He said more? I said I don't do anything like that and wouldn't ever consider it.

I'm devastated. Am I over reacting?
He's in his 80's and I don't even want to go out now.

I think it's a good idea, if she's willing.

Yes, I think you can have whoever you want there. They'll take a statement and if your neighbour is there they may ask her some questions about him too.

Ok thank you Garrick and stark

Well it's true then. Oscar Wilde said , 'No good deed goes unpunished,'
LOL! Over the years I have had many inappropriate approaches starting when I was about 12!! Men , or at least a proportion of them, never fail to amaze with their belief in their attraction to the opposite sex. No matter how old, fat or ugly they are they seem to think we are. 'Gagging for it'. If it wasn't to sad it would be funny.

Why don't you believe it Busybusybust?

I know a colleague whose neighbour threatened to rape her and was very vulgar with sexual comments with years of harrassment. What's so hard to believe that someone could either be very unwell and saying things that are ooc or a complete prick?

Busy, I didn't believe it either for a good hour after it happened. I was on the school run saying to myself 'I can't believe it' 'wtf?' (not out loud of course
Agree marzipan, feeling less 'upset' today but more like 'what on earth was he thinking?'

Then report it busy.

And yes to he's bricking it now, he didn't expect you to tell anyone, because often we don't, do we.

If it meant you don't believe the thread, trust me I have enough other things going on right now to keep my mind occupied rather than making up a thread about something like this.
I hope you didn't mean it that way though.

you don't know much if you think this unbelievable . I have a story or 2 of my own on the same topic.Keep on safeguarding op. I was a single parent with 3 kids and know that was the reason i became a target for a predatory neighbour in my own home.

Really Amari?
My h has very long hours at work and nobody sees him much at all. (including us) which has contributed to us parting ways.
I won't go into relationship status here but it's a difficult time at the moment. This latest episode has just worsened things.
At least I know we won't be here too much longer.
Said man has often commented that he never sees h around.

Very late to this thread, but OP I think you did the right thing calling 101 (or even social Services). Sometimes it is helpful to get advice. It is sad though isn't it when kindness is misinterpreted.

There's no dementia operating here

Good keyboard diagnosis there, even though HCP have said it could be. Thank heavens you know better

Truth is no one knows. The police have been informed. Let them deal with it.

I manage a very large residential home for the elderly. In my experience this sounds very like dementia. Dementia doesn't always present with memory problems. It can involve personality changes, the body reading the temperature wrongly (ie feeling hot when it's freezing), changes in vision or balance...and many other ways. The brain is essentially crumbling, for want of a better way of putting it.
It would seem likely from my experience that this gentleman will return to speak with you, and asking him to back off would not work for long before he would approach you again. Speaking with the police, who will hopefully contact social services, may be a very good thing for him in the longer term. You are also protecting any care workers who might visit him in the future as an awareness of his lack of inhibitions can be taken into account when risk assessing.

In all honesty, I wouldn't expect this to be resolved overnight I'm afraid. It will take time before enough notice is taken for social services to become heavily involved (assuming dementia). In the meantime, do take a bit of extra care. Keep the door locked, and just be a little wary until this is resolved.

Thank you shebefierce, that's good to know. Being in the profession, would you have done the same?
It's a good point about possible future carers.
Would police have to speak with him first do you think or just pass it on to SS?
If it is dementia, I do feel kind of sorry I'm going to have to ignore him from now but obviously have to protect myself and kids.
From now on I won't leaving the door open to run back in to get something!!

If it is dementia, I do feel kind of sorry I'm going to have to ignore him from now but obviously have to protect myself and kids.

If it is dementia it is sad, but he has reached a point where he is no longer able to safely (Both his safety and those around him) be living independantly.

Would police have to speak with him first do you think or just pass it on to SS?
My guess is that it all depends on which conclusions they come to after speaking with you.

Thank you Jason. I had an idea which maybe is OTT. I'm thinking about thane I go outside to take my tablet and keep it on record in case he comes up.
H will be back at work tomorrow, so I'll be on my own. The other thing is the garages (where I'm trying to store stuff for moving soon) are behind his house. He's often come wandering round before when I'm around there.

I think if you don't feel safe to leave your home alone then you should phone 101 back and get them round now instead of waiting for Tuesday. It's not fair he has made you feel like this

It's ridiculous really mc, I'm a 35 year old woman keeping my curtains closed and notanting to go out!
I'm not sure why I feel like this anyway!
He was dithering outside again just now.

Not ridiculous, love, lots of us would feel the same way.

I think he's unlikely to hurt you outside the house, though I know that doesn't make it any easier to cope if he comes and talks to you.

Freckle just remember if anything happens you should be able to push him over in order to protect yourself.

This sounds very like dementia to me, too. My father spent 8 years in a care home before his death, so I have seen many, many elderly people with dementia invent all sorts of bizarre scenarios that sound very plausible if one didn't know from the context that they were not. For example, I have spent an hour listening to one old lady tell another that she ought not to go back upstairs to her room because there was a murderer lurking there who would stab her if she did; my father for a while had recurrent delusions that there were Spaniards fishing around a (non-existent) pond in the garden. Their misfiring brains mix fantasy and reality together in ways that make sense to them and nobody else. As another example, I am a vet and once was euthenasing a much loved dog with both the male and female elderly owners present, when the man (whom I know has dementia) suddenly said, "Are you going to eat it after you've finished?" They live very near the surgery and I see them often; he waves and says hello and looks quite normal during a brief encounter, but clearly neither understood what a dreadful thing he was saying nor had any recollection of it afterwards. Nobody would think that this man was in the habit of eating pets when younger or that the old lady above had really been used to avoiding lurking murderers, and I don't think this man's present behaviour necessarily means he would have been a sex pest in his younger days either, although of course it's possible. But as PPs said, whether or not he has dementia, there is no need for you to have to put up with his behaviour and either way he clearly needs help. My reason for posting is to say to the OP that you should really try not to take this personally. It must have been horrible, but perhaps you would find it easier to cope with if you think of it as something almost random rather than targeted at you?

I still don't see the armchair diagnoses of dementia, I'm afraid. Accusations of eating a dead pet or lurking murderers upstairs or invisible Spanish fishermen - absolutely, like fugues, nudity, uncharacteristic sexual or aggressive behaviour.

But none of this neighbour's behaviour suggests anything irrational, hallucinatory, impulsive, or disordered. He simply offered a female neighbour money for sexual services, and when she refused, horrified, he tried to bargain with her, quite coolly, having also quite rationally chosen a time when she wasn't with her husband. And having chosen a neighbour who cooks for him, not a random woman on the street.

I don't think the OP's shock and fright should be 'explained' away with the 'catchall' of dementia. Neither do I think the neighbour is dangerous or that the OP needs to literally be afraid or turn her house into a fortress. But while I'm no diagnostician, I see no evidence of dementia-style symptoms, and she should pursue the matter with the police without pre-empting a diagnosis.

I don't believe considering a possible explanation of dementia explains away OP's justified shock and fright. It doesn't really matter WHY, IMO, this behaviour happened. It was unacceptable and the OP has responded admirably well to a really hard situation.

80 or not I'd report him to the police.