Still shaking, old neighbour asked me for sex

[Frecklesandspecs]

Ok, please help. I'm still shaking...
I have one old neighbour whose wife died a little while ago. I've been pleasant to him and had a chat now again. Made him a meal or two when wife died.

Today he came round my house (was home with ds3) and kind of just walked in uninvited.
He said 'he needed a thing or two from a woman now and again and Wold I do a few minutes for £60. I said no way! He said more? I said I don't do anything like that and wouldn't ever consider it.

I'm devastated. Am I over reacting?
He's in his 80's and I don't even want to go out now.

oh god I really feel for you I have been in exactly the same situation and its not nice :-(

I rent a field for my pony and the field owner has the house directly infront of the field so I have to walk through his garden basically to get to my field - his wife died and hes in his early 80's and I had not long left my ex..

started off innocent where he would wait outside for me to have a chat about life basically and I felt so sorry for him as he was all alone...

then it started turning into almost stalking.. he would follow me to the field - if I was on the phone he would stand there and look very annoyed at the fact that I hadn't finished my telephone conversation to speak to him!
He then started finding any excuse to touch me, brushing something off my arm, pushing my hair back from my face etc then one day he called me over and asked if I would like to move in with him as he had a spare room and he knew I didn't like living back home with my parents which obviously I declined.

I gave him by number a long while ago for emergencies - he was obviously in a better situation than me to see if anything was wrong with the pony but then he started ringing me constantly, 3,4,5 times a day for no reason other than wondering what I was up to and what time I would be at the yard! couldn't block his number because twice he did call for genuine reasons.

A week later he then called me over and asked if he could be my "gentleman friend" and have all the benefits that goes with that and I could have everything signed over in my name! (house, land etc) needless to say I told him where to go!

Made my life hell with the constant insinuations and so I would turn up to the field in the pitch black, headlights off and creep around! couldn't move the pony (for reasons that I wont bore you with) so had to make the best of a bad situation and basically avoid avoid avoid as much as I could....

situation has improved somewhat now but im still very wary and try to avoid him wherever I can..still calls me now and again to tell me a certain program is on tv or a tree has fallen down in the field but I let it go to answerphone now...

sorry didn't mean to hijack your post but my point was I know how horrible this must be for you - I did the same thing after I was propositioned, cried for about a week!

Oh moving, it sounds similar. How awful.
Did you toll anyone?
I'be got the police coming for a report at 1pm today after I drop dd at nursery.
I'm really nervous and wondering if I did the right thing.
I managed to get hold of one of the daughters and called her, she was lovely and very apologetic. She seemed very embarrassed. I didn't Tell her I'd told thw police though.

i didn't tell anyone at the time - everyone in my village knows this "gentleman" and they probably wouldn't have believed me and of course he would have denied it

i eventually told a close male friend of mine who used to visit me at the yard a lot but then stopped for a while (same time that all this started) - at first he said it was my own fault and that i encouraged him by chatting to him! i asked him to come with me for "protection" a few times and each time the old guy came out and would almost square up to him giving him really hard stares! it was at that point that my friend realised that it wasn't my fault..

you've definitely done the right thing though its not on and i fear if you hadn't nipped it in the bud now it may have continued as long as mine did.

I'm really nervous and wondering if I did the right thing.

You 100% did the right thing, please do not even let anything else cross your mind. What ever the cause of his behaviour it's not acceptable and the police need to be told of the incident.

Keeping it quiet would have been a massive mistake for everyone.

Hope it went okay.

Hello, Unfortunately Officer rang me just after 1pm and said they couldn't make it so they said someone would ring to book a new one.
Nobody has rung me yet.
Kind of annoying as I'd been getting geared up for it and had to make sure I was back in time.

Oh no, what a pain. It's hard when you've got yourself psyched up for something.

Still, you're doing the right thing.

Yes, nevermind.
He came p to me again. today btw while I was getting out of the car an asked if I wanted a table he was giving away!

TY realhuman

Make a note of it, and the time.

I find it a bit odd that the daughter said she'd get her brother (the one that lives with him to speak to him) Not that I'd want them to come around but to make some kind of acknowledgment that he'd maybe spoken or something? Maybe not?
He's still been wandering around today like usual.

When he comes out again, so this.

Get close, but not too close to him, and in your best firm, cold, detached and cool authoritarian voice, tell him that he is to stop coming over, stop offering you things, stop wandering in to your property. Stop all interactions altogether and if for some reason he fails to do this you will take further actions against him and his vile and propositions.

Stand firm, stand strong and tell him straight.

I'm cross for you!

If the police don't call you back, call them, or if your neighbourhood police has one of those fortnightly/monthly public meetings collar them at the end for a word - my local police have their own website/email address (it's .gov.uk iirc) - May be worth looking it up.

Him approaching you again (!) as if nothing's the matter is annoying to say the least - don't let him/his family brush it under the carpet!

And movingonup2015 - what an utter creep!

I tell a lie it's not .gov.uk my local police is - www.northumbria.police.uk/your_neighbourhood/

I'm assuming other police forces will have similar/equivalent?

Same thing happened to me with a 90 year old man . I was kind to him and he thought I was offering him extras .
I simple said do you get lonely and would you not like to go to a social club and meet people .
He took it totally wrong and phoned me saying he would like to take me up on my offer.
I nearly vomited !
Got to say it really affected me and I never ever stay alone with him .
I think he must have been a player on his day .
I can laugh now but at the time I also cried
So you will recover and hopefully laugh about it in future x

Oh dear Gladiator. It does feel so horrid and creepy doesn't it?
Many elderly people are quite pleasant looking (PLEASE don't get me wrong here but you kwim?) but he is just not at all, trousers around bbackside, shirt always out, big moles on neck ect which makes it worse
I have had one missed call but no number and no voicemessage, so possibly did call thatwouldbe.
I'll try and get hold of an email otherwise.
At least they have something

Old men can be vile ! I work with mainly women now as at least they aren't interested in sex with you
I'm not even good looking and I dress like a nun !
Definitely some old men think your desperate for 60 quid !
P.s I am lol but sexy with old guy hKf my body weight and skin like a lizard yuk !!!

There's no 'vomiting' smilie

Hey, police called me at 8.30 pm this eve saying thy were on their way and was it ok?!!
Hubby had just got in (in a bad mood as usual, not speaking etc)
and still had dc3 up.
They hadn't given me any prior warning?
Anyway I rearranged for tomorrow when kids and h are out!!

Oh, I hope it works out for you this time :)

Sorry H is still being an arse.

Yes Garlic, ty.
That's another ball game (h) Going through a separation, so not much help there lol.
I can do this!! My mumsnet advisors will see me through

You'll do fine tomorrow, and the police are taking it seriously otherwise they wouldn't have tried to come out this evening

hello lovely people.
I had rather lovely looking officers come to see me just before.
I told them everything. They said it doesn't really come umde any specific crime but if anything happened again it could be classed as harassment.
They offered to go and talk to him and are going to check on his name on the police computer. Now at least it's recorded somewhere.

Well done. I don't know what else to say really.

Thank you Jason and for all your help.