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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So I have made myself look like a tit

243 replies

Esmeismyhero · 26/09/2015 21:56

Dh and I are away for a weekend, he has been to a convention and I've been relaxing, all fab.

Tonight we went to a "party". We were meant to be meeting his friends from this convention etc and sounded fab. We booked tickets and I spent ages getting ready (I very very rarely go out so I was really excited)

The party ended up being a gathering in a pub (all fine so far) except dh doesn't introduce me to anyone and just goes and watches the rugby.

I'm not very good socially and I don't know anyone there, he goes to the downstairs of the pub and for 45 mins I'm sat on the sofas alone because I'm a fucking dick :(

I finally found dh and called a taxi to come back to the hotel and have a blub.

Dh said I knew he was going to watch the rugby (I didn't, when he said it I thought he was joking) now I'm back at the hotel and feel like a tit.

I brought a nice top and did my hair and makeup I was very excited to go with dh, talk to new people etc. now I've ruined it by coming back to the hotel like an idiot, he didn't even ask me to stay when I asked for a cab.

He came back to the hotel a min ago and said sorry etc but I feel awful, I've ruined the evening.

Nothing to say really apart from I need Wine

OP posts:
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 26/09/2015 23:05

But it's pretty clear that OP didn't KNOW it was a night of rugby, it was billed to her as a "party"!!!

OP whereabouts do you live? If you are anywhere near London (and even if you aren't), come to the next MN London meet-up. Someone is bound to organise one soon. Now that is a party. They are great fun and people from out of town get up to all sorts of shenanigans at the Travelodge Grin

Original poster
Esmeismyhero · 26/09/2015 23:07

I'm in Birmingham right now but usually from Bristol but I would most definitely come to a mners party!! Dh would have it billed to him as a night of sport but it would be us all chatting muahahahahaha

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 26/09/2015 23:08

Esme, I recognised your situation so I went and read the other thread you have on this

You haven't made a tit of yourself, your H is making a tit of you

He set you up to fail because he didn't want you tagging along on this weekend. he made it plain back then and people told you why that might be. His behaviour has simply confirmed it.

Get some self respect, love

Ypour husband is not showing any love or concern for you, and he hasn't for some time.

RJnomaaaaaargh · 26/09/2015 23:10

AF I'm so glad someone else has read it.

AnyFucker · 26/09/2015 23:11

CatMilkMan, advance search is your friend. The "Relationships vipers" had this bloke sussed a long time ago. OP just isn't listening, I am afraid.

Best not to wade in though with no context, eh. Unless you were just using yet another upset woman's thread to have a swipe at a group of posters ? No, that can't be right...

brokenhearted55a · 26/09/2015 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 26/09/2015 23:13

RJ, I recognised the situation immediately. I am sorry, OP. Your husband is cruel and I am afraid you are continuing to play right into his hands.

Original poster
Esmeismyhero · 26/09/2015 23:14

I am listening it's just I love him, I have for a very long time, it's hard for me to see what you guys see.

If it was someone else I'd agree with everyone and tell them to ltb but it's my dh and it's hard. I'm just happy I have support in mumsnet

OP posts:
Justaboy · 26/09/2015 23:14

Esmeismyhero This rugby stuff seems an addiction. Whenever i call at my sisters house the telly is blaring loud and always its a bl**dy football or rugby match and it's interfered that we sit up the corner and be quiet until its all over.

I don't go there anymore 'cos of that.

If someone comes here then we have a PVR that s a type of TV recorder and look at it later. We can pause it on iplayer if we want and go back to wherever later.

The guest's are then proffered tea and biccys or something stronger sport an the telly don't rule the roost here:)

RJnomaaaaaargh · 26/09/2015 23:21

This is honestly not about rugby.

Original poster
Esmeismyhero · 26/09/2015 23:22

I agree just* we don't have a TV anyways, I don't watch it at home.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 26/09/2015 23:25

if you would "see it for someone else" then you see it

you just don't want to believe that the man who is supposed to love and cherish you simply doesn't give a shit

but he doesn't and this is not going to change

your passive acceptance of his selfishness is feeding his cruelty

Chippednailvarnish · 26/09/2015 23:29

Any has nailed it exactly. But you know that.

SilverBadger · 26/09/2015 23:30

As one of the very large number of men who cannot understand the point of kicking a ball between some sticks, can I apologise on behalf of those who do and neglect their partners in the process - actually, most of them don't, but some are just knobs anyway.

Your DH is an arse who lacks the basic social graces. He should have recognised from your appearance (new top, hair, makeup) that you'd made a special effort and treated you accordingly - attention, introducing you (proudly) to friends, making it obvious he was pleased to be with you. That he didn't was down to a failure (on both your parts?) to agree on what was going to happen this evening.

Perhaps you can talk about it (not now!) and ensure it doesn't happen again? All you have to do is say "in this situation, I'd like it if you'd do x (introduce me to friends, etc) and spend some time with me."

In the meantime, I agree with others - get pissed at his expense.

CatMilkMan · 26/09/2015 23:32

I'm really sorry AnyFucker, I shouldn't have just read the OP and the comments and then replied to the thread.
I'm really sorry.

brokenhearted55a · 26/09/2015 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilverBadger · 26/09/2015 23:35

Have to challenge AF on "you just don't want to believe that the man who is supposed to love and cherish you simply doesn't give a shit."

I doubt if it's as clear cut as that. This is one occasion where he is priotirising his needs - not necessarily symptomatic of the relationship as a whole. I hope.

runlulurun · 26/09/2015 23:35

As directed further up I've read your other thread from August about your DH not being keen for you to come on this weekend.

One of the reasons that he gave was that he was worried that you wouldn't have a good time because you don't like drinking/loud music and he would be worried that you wouldn't enjoy it (and therefore that would affect how much he enjoyed it)

This was totally poo-pooed as a complete lie at the time, but actually it looks like this sort of what happened? You wanted to go to spend time with your DH and he certainly was rude not to introduce you etc but as anticipated you didn't enjoy it.

It sounds like you and your DH are quite different people with regards to what you enjoy doing. It's perfectly possible to love each other, and for these differences to cause some problems.

Op, I hope none of that sounds critical to you because it isn't intended to be.

Starkswillriseagain · 26/09/2015 23:36

So loving him trumps being loved back equally, being respected and treated well?

Starkswillriseagain · 26/09/2015 23:38

I did the same CatMilkMan, I send time in AIBU much more so I didn't know OP was a regular poster. I did suspect this was an ongoing issue but only after she started saying about his lack of social graces.

AnyFucker · 26/09/2015 23:38

You are not the only one who did that, CMM

what I objected to was you (yet again) taking a swipe at a group of posters who actually are far more in the know about this particular scenario and in fact pretty much all other relationship problems where you have rubbished others input and attempted to replace it with your own version of the truth

and you are also really, really crap at sarcasm

AnyFucker · 26/09/2015 23:41

Absolutely nothing wrong with answering purely the context of the OP. Just don't use it as an opportunity to have a pop. There are experienced posters here who recognise patterns and poster's styles.

AnyFucker · 26/09/2015 23:44

Challenge me if you wish, SB

But Op is the one living with this. And her previous posts, along with this one, tell me that. I haven't plucked it out of thin air.

Original poster
Esmeismyhero · 26/09/2015 23:51

I truley thought it was a party, a social event where we would meet, mingle, have a drink but it wasn't.

I have posted before about dh. I said I was a tit so it's not all his fault. I just won't go to another "party" Grin with dh unless I know it will definitely agree what it is iyswim

OP posts:
SilverBadger · 26/09/2015 23:54

I must concede that I haven't seen previous posts. If this is not atypical behaviour, there may be more of a problem than appears. However, not, I think, given the mismatch in expectations of the evening, and the lack of communication between OP and her DH, a reason to break up. More of a wake up - they need to talk about what they expect from each other. Simple question - does OP belive her DH loves her - or not?