So I have made myself look like a tit

[Esmeismyhero]

Dh and I are away for a weekend, he has been to a convention and I've been relaxing, all fab.

Tonight we went to a "party". We were meant to be meeting his friends from this convention etc and sounded fab. We booked tickets and I spent ages getting ready (I very very rarely go out so I was really excited)

The party ended up being a gathering in a pub (all fine so far) except dh doesn't introduce me to anyone and just goes and watches the rugby.

I'm not very good socially and I don't know anyone there, he goes to the downstairs of the pub and for 45 mins I'm sat on the sofas alone because I'm a fucking dick :(

I finally found dh and called a taxi to come back to the hotel and have a blub.

Dh said I knew he was going to watch the rugby (I didn't, when he said it I thought he was joking) now I'm back at the hotel and feel like a tit.

I brought a nice top and did my hair and makeup I was very excited to go with dh, talk to new people etc. now I've ruined it by coming back to the hotel like an idiot, he didn't even ask me to stay when I asked for a cab.

He came back to the hotel a min ago and said sorry etc but I feel awful, I've ruined the evening.

Nothing to say really apart from I need

It's a fallacy to think that people who are loudest and happy to ridicule are most likely to be right

I don't know where you've got this from but it has nothing to do with standing up for yourself or putting forward your opinion regardless of whether others disagree.

Actually I think a lot of people believe particular posters on the relationship board - with very different posting styles - are most likely to be right… because they most often are and because they are quite clearly decent individuals who care.

OP - there are lots of people reading and wondering how you're getting on, so I want engage in the derailing of the thread any further and hope for an update from you when you're ready/get a chance.

*won't

But often the frequent posters do have some characteristics in common, such as jumping on - and then belittling - a poster who suggests that a man is being demonised or treated unfairly. These are the voices that are loudest and the ones that tend to stick around to continue to give advice - and drive off posters trying to bring a little balance. Many other posters do leave, as evidenced by old threads about this subject. This is why the mumsnet relationship board has, within mumsnet itself, a reputation of being unbalanced. It does OPs a disservice as they deserve to hear from everyone. Neither you nor AF responded to my point about using tactics that you deplore in men, but I didn't expect it as respectful dialogue is clearly not a priority.

OP, back to you.

Here here Dixie.

And Fab please use paragraphs, your comments are difficult to read.

Esme, how you doing ?

or even hear, hear

FAB:
You are free to complain to MNHQ if you feel your opinions are not getting the applause you think they deserve.

She didn't start a thread because she thought she was a fool, she started it because she thought she'd been badly treated
The thread is entitled 'So I have made myself look like a tit'
The OP did start the thread because she felt she was a fool. Not at all because she felt she was being badly treated.

"It's been going on for the duration of us together so who knows when the penny will drop and he stops."
This is how she describes her H's poor treatment of her, how long it has been going on, and how she hopes it will stop but is seemingly unable to act on her own behalf.

So much for complaining about MN Relationships board unfairly helping women 'fight men' without regard for the so-called 'truth'.

If you have an axe to grind and you clearly have start a thread of your own.

Esme, please don't let the derailment frighten you off. People are here for you. Start another thread if it helps.

I'm sorry I didn't update the thread yet, tbh I have been getting the courage to write what's been happening. It's been very manic here at home. Dd is sick again, she gets like this when she has medical tests, the Stars gets to her. She's being assessed by a private psychologist so I've had to find a lot of money.

In regards to my ddad, I accept he is set in his ways BUT I've explained I won't listen to his "advice" anymore if he suggests smacking, harsh punishments (according to me) and general shit I really don't want to hear. I'll deal with the Dc in my way and that's final.

In regards to my family always being around, I spoke with dh on the drive home about issues he has that he felt he couldn't say etc (we were having a real heart to heart) he doesn't like my family being here all the time which is understandable, so I've stopped sharing the cooking with my sister and my parents eating here every night. So when dh comes home it's just us and dc which has really improved the house tbh.

In regards to our relationship, I explained exactly what upset me, he tried being sad saying that he has no idea, he didn't mean it. He even said I make him sound like an abuser I said to not be so manipulative! You'd be proud af I said him hurting me in round about ways then saying all the sorry, I love you, is manipulative and he should own the fact he was doing it because he couldn't be bothered, wanted to fuck me off etc.

He was shocked I'd said it. Good.

I felt empowered by all my fellow mnetters, I don't know what I'd do without you all. I'm sitting here crying reading this because it took a lot out of me!

One min I'll post more, dd needs me.

Wow, someone's got their shit together.

Well done for having such a series of tricky conversations.

Sorry anyway as I was saying.

Dh and I have been better since we got back, we have been owning our feelings etc I guess it's all a wait and see now. I need to stop being so passive and I have.

Eg at bath time on the weekend, he asked me to do it because he was doing something else but I said no, weekend bath times are his because I do it all week. He was pissed but I just said tough, he laughed and did bath time and then said sorry and I apologised because I was a bit grumpy about it. Before I would of done it like a martyr but I'm not going to do that anymore.

Good for you OP. It must have taken so much from you but you did really well.

Remember assertiveness is like a muscle - it gets stronger the more you use it, even though it hurts like a bitch the first few times keep on saying what you mean and meaning what you say and you will be the better for it.

Oh well done op! Keep it up - the hard part will be not to slip back into old habits. :)

DH was really good we really work through everything and I hope it stays the same.

I'm really sorry I didn't update sooner it's been crazy here now I just have to focus on helping my daughter

Well done, Esme.
A New World Order, yes? Keep it up! Your perspective is just as important as anybody else's.

And best wishes for sorting out providers for your dd.

Look at you OP