Total shock

[Iseeall]

Just found evidence of the other woman. In total shock. Been together 25 years,k new something was wrong but still its a shock.
His business takes him away sometimes and he has just returned, I found her boarding card in his man bag as i was tidying up.
Shall I facebook her a message asking if she had a lovely holiday and enjoys breaking up a family.
help me.

Maybe a threat?

Its a serial on tv Wed nights at moment, it shows a woman who is a Dr, her husband cheats on her, its like your life and how she reacts to it...she is slow and calculating but still loves him and doesnt want to believe it...
I sympathise with you, I thought you might get some tips from it... x

it does look odd, you could chose to ignore the evidence and see what he does?

The fact that the box is unopened doesn't mean they didn't have sex while they were away as he may bought them as extras at the airport or he may not have used them if she told him she was on the pill or past it.

Before confronting him, climb onto the moral highground and claim it for your own.

You could sit him down, tell him you know, that you can deal with the physical side but not the mental side, and ask him how he expects you to deal with it?

He is in and silent. Will try and wait it out. See what he does the rest of the weekend

Is his silence normal?

Ask him to tell you the truth about where he was this weekend.

Where did you think he had gone btw?

OP.

Sorry you are having to go through this.

I think he knows you know. If you have tried to access his ipad too many times he may have had an email. Or it could be he was leaving clues to be caught out. Too much of a coward to confess.

I am so sorry, OP. I would channel your anger and protect yourself financially. Even men who seem quite nice and reasonable can turn into selfish gits when they get divorced.

Silence has been going on for the last few weeks. Probably since his trip with ow was being planned. It makes sense now

Read The Times today, it may be helpful. Be strong OP, show your strength, dignity and resilience by not going on the attack. Your time WILL come x

OP. If he really does want you to know then it is even more important that you get copies of everything before he knows that you know. Just in case he is already trying to move money etc.

Heartbreaking x

Ive been married for 25 years plus too. I would be devastated. Goodluck.

Sorry you are going through this. As others have said, you will benefit from keeping as cool a head as possible. Gather evidence and docs and seek rl advice. Think of yourself and be kind to yourself, this is not your fault.

if he is deliberately leaving evidence so that you find out then that may be part of his strategy to exit the marriage and he may have things in place for himself.

OP, I've just read a thread you started about your husband - it was in September. He sounded really horrible, tbh. He likes to wrongfoot you, doesn't he? Make you feel stupid?

Bide your time with this. Make a decision as to what you want to do. Sometimes when you find these things out the shock makes you think that your marriage is great, when actually it's been in trouble for a long time. In the other thread your husband sounded as though he was enjoying playing with your mind; this is not the sign of a good husband.

The good thing about finding this out is that if you did want to leave, he's so clearly in the wrong that now would be the time to challenge him. You could be furious and kick him out and nobody at all would blame you.

Do you have a friend you could talk to about this in confidence?

Don't forget, once your son leaves university and goes off to find work, it'll be just you and your husband in the house. Is he nice enough to you for you to want that?

imperial yes I have posted about him before and I got good advice,bought the Lundy Bancroft book.

I tried dealing with him very firmly after that Things have been jogging along ok,or so I though. Not much free cash,but enough, two holidays this year and now ...bam.

I dont know what to do..
Am still going to play it by ear until I get him on his own on mondayI
I also want to see his phone, but I don't think i'll get a chance.

Good luck OP.

Why does his phone matter now? He's having an affair. You don't need to know everything, you know enough.

Focus on protecting yourself, people keep telling you to get documents copied and hidden. Have you don't that? Try to before you talk to him.

Don't let on that you know yet, Has he got a lock on his phone?

I have access to his business documents and am signatory to our business banking. The bulk of his/our business accounts etc are stored at my mums house(to much to store in our garage and shed.)
His phone didn't have a lock on it, but I may have now. I used to know his ipad code, but that has changed.
That is why i'd like to see his phone. Curiosity really.

The thing is, you know he's having an affair. You've seen evidence of it.

Whatever you see now, eg texts between them, will only hurt you more. You know enough, but not too much and that is the best (if I can put it like that) situation.

Finding that boarding pass and finding the condoms must have been awful. Don't make things worse for yourself by looking at messages. What you see can't be forgotten.

Oh and I hate to say this but please don't assume that because he brought the condoms back he didn't have sex. It's far, far more likely that she didn't like condoms or she brought condoms with her.