Total shock

[Iseeall]

Just found evidence of the other woman. In total shock. Been together 25 years,k new something was wrong but still its a shock.
His business takes him away sometimes and he has just returned, I found her boarding card in his man bag as i was tidying up.
Shall I facebook her a message asking if she had a lovely holiday and enjoys breaking up a family.
help me.

Don't say anything. Make sure you get your stuff sorted first, like PPs have said.

Don't contact her - she is only a symptom not the cause.
Take a deep breath, make plans. Collect copies of essential documents.
Then, when you are very good and ready, take a photo of the boarding card and send it to him with no message. And wait for him to try and explain it away.

Have hidden the boarding cards in case they are evidence I need at a later date. I want access to his phone now

God I'm so sorry, what a shock. Yes to getting your stuff in order first before you do anything. Copies of everything financial, savings, bank accounts, mortgage, business contracts, anything. Just get everything together and photocopy it all. Will keep your brain busy for a while.

I agree in getting all your documents together. Do you know his pin code on the phone?

He never had a code on his iphone however I just checked his ipad, it did have a code, that was his year of birth but that has changed.

Its not looking good is it. I read enough of these threads to know this is looking bad.

so sorry. But remember that HE is the marriage-wrecker and HE is the one who has betrayed you.

forget her, she's irrelevant. Concentrate on protecting yourself.

OP, if you did split up, what would happen to your business? How old are your children?

dont hide the boarding cards just take photos of them if he remembers they are there,you will have given him a heads up.
you may be over reacting-your on high alert at the moment.

Documents- as others have said. Bank statements, everything financial. Get them copied. Get snooping for emails, things he has hidden which could be evidence of an affair.
Please don't contact OW yet.
If you can manage it, try to stay cool and get evidence. If you can't (& I'm not sure I would be able to) then it really is him you need to be talking to.
I'm so sorry you are going through this

I can't offer advice but wanted to offer and sympathy.

I feel so stupid, all the signs were there.
New clothes,hobby,contact lenses,attached to his phone,barely civil to me, not interested in our dc birthday a few weeks ago ugh.
Will some one tell me how to by pass an iphone keypad lock please

If he has a code on his iPad but not on his phone then you might be able to access whatever is on his iPad through his phone... If it's an iPhone. Pretty sure mine are linked.

Dc are late teen/young adult.
The business is super niche. Its him,with me doing back up admin work. Can't say more, it really would be identifiable.

Google bypass iPad lock screen and there are a few websites which supposedly tell you how - depends on the version of software that is in there but looks like you can manage it sometimes

Phonerebel.com has some suggestions

I can read my phone text messages on my iPad via the messages app.

m.wikihow.com/Bypass-iPhone-Passcode this link tells you how to bypass an iPhone code if Siri is on. If it isn't you will need to change it when the phone is unlocked.

the lack of interest in his own flesh and blood reinforces the need to get your financial house in order.
otherwise - be prepared for a very nasty shock if you do tell him and then he leaves and takes control and ownership of all your assets.

I've just tried it on my iPad and iPhone. I asked Siri to show my recent messages and it showed me a message and asked if I wanted to reply. They were locked at the time.

My hearts pounding with anxiety.
We had a 25 years together and a nice home,life and business. We have a mortgage and are not rich by any means but we were funding our own life style iyswim.
We were going to have a short break once youngest dc went back to uni.
It is all gone now. 25 years , all gone.

Can't offer advice but a glimmer of hope for the future.
I've been where u are like many others and life is just great now x

I'm so sorry, as someone said, use this time wisely, check bank accounts and get important paperwork together, you might not need it but better to have it.

When is he due home?
Don't waste your energy on her, she never made you any promises, he did.

ok, the siri thing works on my phone and will look at the phonerebel site.

Will try to get his phone asap. When he comes home.

Isee, try and look after your own best interests.
He doesnt know that you know, terrible as you are feeling that means you have an advantage and you can get your house in order before you confront him.

If you can resist the urge to confront them that could buy you a lot of valuable time

Try the year of her birth, given he thinks of that as a password. Then try her birthday if that doesn't work eg 0303 for 3rd March.