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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Total shock

862 replies

Iseeall · 26/09/2015 13:28

Just found evidence of the other woman. In total shock. Been together 25 years,k new something was wrong but still its a shock.
His business takes him away sometimes and he has just returned, I found her boarding card in his man bag as i was tidying up.
Shall I facebook her a message asking if she had a lovely holiday and enjoys breaking up a family.
help me.

OP posts:
SuckingEggs · 03/10/2015 23:32

Bloody troll hunters should be banned. Seriously. You can report - just do that, eh?

OP, I hope you're ok.

springydaffs · 04/10/2015 00:20

He's doing the fun h bcs he's reframing the situation , controlling it. Bcs that's what he does. He's trying to make you look ridiculous, stealing reality from you. Isn't that what he's always done?

Honestly, don't don't don't let the troll-hunters get to you. Goblins pop up all over mn, ignore them. Most posters are totally behind you.

Good luck on Monday Flowers

DragonsCanHop · 04/10/2015 00:23

Well done troll hunters, make you feel good?

lunar1 · 04/10/2015 02:57

Hope you are getting on ok iseeall.

lavendersun · 04/10/2015 07:17

Me too, isseall, I logged in to see if you had posted. I would probably walk away from my thread too tbh in your shoes.

You are much bigger than the troll hunters, who haven't had the grace to apologise I see.

I hope you are getting on OK in rl and continuing to be as incredibly strong as you were last week.

rainbowstardrops · 04/10/2015 07:59

Notice the troll hunters have all gone quiet?
Seriously, why would you not just report it to HQ if you felt that strongly instead of making someone who is already suffering to suffer more?
Some people are so nasty on MN. I just hope you're kinder people in rl Hmm

BiggaBanga · 04/10/2015 09:06

Troll-hunters? Self-righteous arseholes! Need burying! Trolls are even worse!

Ginkypig · 04/10/2015 17:06

biggabanga no one like trolls.

In this case though a woman who had been through a traumatic ordeal and came here for support was passive aggressively accused of being a troll! And felt hounded of her own thread!

It's bloody disgusting in my opinion.

Troll hunters are dangerous and petty and should be banned.

In this circumstance there was no need for such behaviour.

Joysmum · 04/10/2015 17:23

Notice the troll hunters have all gone quiet?

Funny how the most opinionated of people can't ever find the balls to apologise for being wrong.

SlightlyJaded · 04/10/2015 18:12

Just checking in to wish you well

I hope you come back to the thread.

ToastedOrFresh · 05/10/2015 06:49

I don't know 'anyfucker' and quite why her(or his) posting on this thread makes a difference.

This ^. 100%.

It just seems to be accepted that if a certain poster does not post on a thread it's taken as read that it's a troll. Like some sort of Quality Control.

imjustahead · 05/10/2015 11:40

morning op, been not online for a few days.

How are you doing?

molliver1 · 05/10/2015 15:58

I know how you feel. My husband cheated on me after almost 30 years together, and had been for 2 yearsi found out later although i had no idea. I wish i had confronted him when i knew for sure but i let it go and he left when he felt like it rather than me being in charge of the situation. I wish i had gone to the hotel and confronted the pair of them together that would have ruined their day. Ive never had closure, he doesnt know you know so you are in a good position. Wait until you are strong enough to talk and not cry, and if you still want him hope that he still loves you and doesnt want to say goodbye to his life as he knows it. The funny thing is what they don't realise they are swapping one life for one exactly the same. Its only exciting for a short while.

molliver1 · 05/10/2015 16:17

in my experience you really dont evidence. My ex cheated. the Judge wasn't particularly interested he just split everything down the middle. Was very unsympathetic said that I at 50, who had been a homemaker for 28 years, should get a full time job and support myself. The only thing i was qualified for was shop work so not very much money. We had to sell the family home and my dear ex said i could always downsize even though i had the three adult children living at home, and still have 2 at home 8 years later. Its alright for him he has walked away from all responsibility and started again. If you want to save your marriage and both want to then i would suggest really trying. You can survive on your own but it is hard.

Aramynta · 06/10/2015 21:26

See? This is exactly why troll hunting is frowned upon here. Another woman who needs support reluctant to come back because some twat decided that, as AnyFucker hadn't replied that the OP must absolutely be a troll. This isn't even AIBU Hmm

Shame on you, reporters and accusers Angry

dunfightin · 06/10/2015 21:49

Do come back and let us know how things are going. You have been cool, calm and very collected in the circumstances. Hope all is going as good as can be expected after the weekend

Original poster
Iseeall · 07/10/2015 19:02

Hello, thank to all those still posting and for the pm's.

I have seen a lovely female solicitor and have a much clearer picture going forward.
Our only asset is our house and that needs to be sold asap. Neither of us could afford it on our own. Its too big, and I will be looking to move away from the area.
There is a valuable collection of items that h thinks are his, and likes to say that was bought 'for the business' and indicated before he went away, that I would not get these items nor would he 'pay me my share'.
My solicitor has made it perfectly clear that these items are family assets and he will have to give me my share. This is going to be a major sticking point I think. They would have to be valued and sold in a specialist auction.
She wondered why he won't leave, go to the ow, as this would make sense.
I got lots of other good advise, I/we need to keep paying the mortgage, so as not to damage my/our credit rating. I hadn't thought of that.
To try and come to as much of an agreement on our assets as we can.

I have to see her again in a few weeks to see if anything has been decided and have the house up for sale.

There was a lot more but it was all positive.

OP posts:
tableanadchairs · 07/10/2015 19:05

Thanks for the update l am so pleased you have got advice.
Just be careful these items that he thinks are his don't start to disappear from the house. Can you photograph them?

Your dignity in this sordid affair has been amazing Flowers

suzannecaravaggio · 07/10/2015 19:05

more power to you IseeStar

Bogeyface · 07/10/2015 19:17

I was just going to mention taking photographs of the items, and maybe listing them with what was paid for them (if you know/can find out) or what it would cost to buy them new so at least you have a ball park figure. If you send that to your solicitor now, dated and with proof of postage then you have proof that they exist, just in case.

I am glad it went well :)

suzannecaravaggio · 07/10/2015 19:27

My solicitor has made it perfectly clear that these items are family assets and he will have to give me my share

Forewarned is forearmed?!
Maybe best to let him carry on thinking these items aren't jointly owned whilst you covertly go about the business of getting them valued etc.
Make sure he can squirrel them away and pretend they don't exist! ?

Original poster
Iseeall · 07/10/2015 19:28

I already photographed the items when this started.
I did show the solicitor the photos so she could understand what I was talking about.
I am allowed to remove and store the items elsewhere, safely, (so is h), as I cannot steel my own belongings. It is impossible to do so, weight, amount etc.

OP posts:
Elendon · 07/10/2015 19:29

Keep your ground. Let him be the one to end it.

Keep acting normally, it will absolutely faze him. The truth will out! (Don't go back to him, he's not worth it!)

Cherrybakewells1 · 07/10/2015 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goddessofsmallthings · 07/10/2015 19:36

It occurs to me that as can't steal your own belongings, there's nothing to stop you selling your half of the collection you jointly own with your h.

Where are the items currently stored and do you have sufficient funds available to have your share transported to secure storage unit to which only you have access?

As I recall, he's now away for a week? What were his parting words and when is he due to return?