He's not a bastard but he's behaved like he is. Confused.

[ComeDownToMe]

DP and I have been together nearly 2 years. We live together and it's great. We get on fantastically, he's witty, engaging, kind, supportive. The sex is amazing and we enjoy each other's company.

It started out as a casual relationship and I had a lot stronger feelings for him than he did me. But we ended up spending a lot more time together and grew a lot closer and our relationship turned serious.

The thing is one of my closest friends recently discovered her DH (now STBXH) was cheating on her and I've seen at first hand how broken she has been. Her ex has been an utter cunt and makes my blood boil.

My DP cheated on his then wife and she slung him out so I know everything I've said about my friend's ex I could equally say about my DP. I didn't feel good about this before but it's even worse now.

Can men really compartmentalise to such a degree they don't think about how much hurt they would cause someone they love.

I will probably be criticised for this and rightly so but I wasn't particularly judgemental on men having affairs before as long as no one got hurt. Now I've seen the hurt it feels a bit different.

I don't think of my DP as a bastard but he's done a lot worse than my friend's ex and I've called my friend's ex every name under the fucking sun.

How do I resolve this in my own mind.

Trying to not say anything here but why can't you just give the girl a break ?

Trying to stop her wasting her life on a lying arsehole.

But she doesnt want to listen. So I'm done here. She deserves all she gets. He got stuck with her. But she doesnt have to be stuck with him.

But he's not honest or good is he OP? He's proven that many times over.

And the OP is hardly a girl, 19th bitch, she's in her forties, and should know better frankly.

I am not settling nor is he

I am amazed that you can even think this when you know that the only reason he is with you is because his wife threw him out! You were his second choice, his back up, his last option.

I cannot understand how you can be so desperate to be with someone who only got together with you because his first choice didnt want him!

I am amazed that you can even think this when you know that the only reason he is with you is because his wife threw him out! You were his second choice, his back up, his last option.

But she is happy with being the last resort. So fine. Congrats OP

Comedown

Your self delusion is incredible. You ability to twist the truth almost as outstanding as that of a poor excuse for a man who can lie extremely convincingly. Sufficiently well to trick a wife who had lived with him for decades. But you think you know best.

Your friends think you are a bitch! I am so not your friend - guess what I might think you are.

Why the hell do you post so often, name changing when it suits? You always end up being told the same thing. He is a cunt, you are stupid.

God I hope you are too old to have children.

Hiding behind a name change is cowardly and, utterly useless. I have said it before - get lost. Others might say fuck off...

An honest and good man?

A man who repeatedly lied and cheated on his wife because she was 'too busy' bringing up his children to pay him the amount of attention he felt he deserved?

Wow.

You really didn't say ain't as much as this at the beginning of the thread.

I suspect she speaks reasonably well. Her messages in the early days did not have aint nowt etc sprinkled all around...

I want him and I am with an honest and good man.

No you ain't.

How the hell can you be so blind and naive?

The fact his wife knew nothing about his countless affairs tells you everything. You will not know when he cheats on you. (Not if).

When DH had his affair he was so different - stressed, snappy (when he was almost horizontally laid back before), cold, argumentative. Not just me, with the kids.

Why? Because on some level he knew what he was doing was wrong. And he was stressed as hell about it.

He couldn't be more different now. I look at the man sitting next to me on the sofa and he couldn't be more content (in the best sense of the word), and I couldn't feel more loved and adored than I feel atm.

The fact is he is different. Because he was shit at pretending everything was OK.

How will you know when your fiancé is so, so adept at hiding it from his previous wife. Not just one affair, several.

Do you actually think that just because he wife discovered he was shagging you, when there'd been countless others, you're actually, > special.

Did he actually admit to his other liaisons once his wife found out about you?

Or did he lie to her and say you were the only one?

Because if he did, you are in serious shit, ComeDown.

I know people can change. One of my closest friends has been an OW, and then, once married, had an affair which almost cost her her first marriage, and then another which did. She's now married (to a man whose first wife had an affair) and they are amazingly happy.

But she went for counselling, was nothing but honest with him about her past, knows she is susceptible to having shit boundaries even though she's happy (because even people who are happy in their primary relationship cheat, it's about a deficiency within themselves, not a problem with the relationship), and is very careful about maintaining those boundaries (even though she is stunningly attractive and has a lot of attention from men).

This thread is so long, and most people (apart from one!) aren't particularly hopeful about your future happiness. Doesn't that tell you something?

You know what ? I actually think that she IS his Karma - he deserves to have a self obsessed rough person like this . In a while he is going to realise just where he went wrong once all the shine has worn off the shagging ...

You know what ? I actually think that she IS his Karma - he deserves to have a self obsessed rough person like this . In a while he is going to realise just where he went wrong once all the shine has worn off the shagging ...

Yup and he will probably start missing his wife and wishing she had never found out about it. He wont wish he had never cheated, he is too selfish for that, he will only wish he hadnt got caught.

I remember an old facebook meme that said "The karma of fucking over a good girl, is the bitch you end up with."

I think that applies here. She is as deluded and selfish as he is.

The hell of it is she really is his karma as he is pushing 60 and his player days are coming to end. Probably no one else will have him.

Maybe the OP wont wake up and realise she wasted her, maybe he will.

Congratulations, you deserve each other :)

Take that how you will.

(PS you realise that 'Sid' wasn't his real name, right?)

Haha scrambled, I'm not the only one to think there are an awful lot of similarities!!

Someone post the Sid thread.

I can't find it.

I weren't gonna post again on here but I can't let Eamonn's remark go. I ain't 'rough' far from it and your remark is offensive. You know nowt about me my fiance and our relationship.

Jones I disagree and I am not naive. I am fully aware of my fiance's past. I guess having been on the other side I would be a tad more adept picking up signs than my fiance's ex. I know his history she did not. They weren't on the same page with lots of things - we are. He is with me cos he wants to be. We do not have responsibilities keeping us together. I get why he cheated. We talk and we are open with each other. I get why our relationship is different.

I am glad your marriage is back on track but your marriage and my relationship are not comparable. TBH my fiance is adept enough to keep a 1 off liaison from me but I trust him and it is me he wants.

He did lie to his ex. He did say it were only me. I know because he told me. He is honest with me because he knows he can be and he was from the start of our affair.

Like your friend we are 'amazingly happy' he has also put boundaries in place - his instigation.

I do appreciate your input. I get you thinking I am making a massive mistake. Sincerely I do not feel I am. We have a great relationship and he makes me feel special.

I did feel posters who claimed my then DP did not give a fuck about me might accept they were wrong when I posted we are getting married. I misjudged the response and I can see nowt I say will change opinions. Sincerely thanks to posters who have genuinely posted in my perceived best interests.

I ain't 'rough'

Lol. That choice of words speaks for itself. Ain't....

It is me he wants.... keep believing that. He got stuck with you. He'd still be with his wife if she hadn't caught him.

I guess having been on the other side I would be a tad more adept picking up signs than my fiance's ex.

If you really believe that, you are incredibly stupid.

So many people on here have tried to help you. You are beyond help.

Every post you post where you 'defend' him is more and more laughable.

He did lie to his ex. He did say it were only me.

This is staggering. He is incapable of honesty.

Oh, and it's 'It was only me.' Try reading a book on grammar some time.....

your marriage and my relationship are not comparable.

Too right. My DH regrets his affair, has sought help and is with me because of me, and how much he loves me, not because we 'have responsibilities keeping us together.' Nice dig!

Oh, and he only had an affair once. He didn't shag around constantly like a dog on heat, like your DF.

Yours is with you because you are convenient, after his wife booted him out. Dream on, thinking it's anything deeper.

So fuck off before you compare my DH to your serial-cheat, whore-of-a-fiancé again.

Yes sothat it even seems as if there are 2 people posting on her thread ?

What is with the "he did say it were only me " ? It's " he did say it WAS only me "..... Crikey!

Yes sothat it even seems as if there are 2 people posting on her thread ?

The OP sounds articulate and well written. Now we are at, "it were only me" and "i ain't"

I wonder if man whore fiance is posting or if this is an epic troll.

If you were the only girl in the world
and I were the only boy
Nothing else would matter in the world today
We could go on loving in the same old way

A garden of Eden just made for two
With nothing to mar our joy
I would say such wonderful things to you
There would be such wonderful things to do
If you were the only girl in the world
and I were the only boy.

He's an old codger - he probably sings that ....

It's either a very deliberate style change when the first didn't work (this latest one seems incredibly contrived and unconvincing) or a second person using the same id.

Very odd.

Maybe a disgruntled step child has hacked her account and is deliberately making her look stupid.

Or the 'great love story of a man who didn't found the right one and the woman who tamed him' isn't landing well so the author's trying the 'delusional woman who's going to be disillusioned' angle?

Either way, coming soon to the Kindle free store...

Finally, not didn't. Ffs.

Yes, it's gone from Pride and Prejudice for the 21st century to A Study in Delusional Capacities.