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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's not a bastard but he's behaved like he is. Confused.

875 replies

ComeDownToMe · 12/09/2015 12:55

DP and I have been together nearly 2 years. We live together and it's great. We get on fantastically, he's witty, engaging, kind, supportive. The sex is amazing and we enjoy each other's company.

It started out as a casual relationship and I had a lot stronger feelings for him than he did me. But we ended up spending a lot more time together and grew a lot closer and our relationship turned serious.

The thing is one of my closest friends recently discovered her DH (now STBXH) was cheating on her and I've seen at first hand how broken she has been. Her ex has been an utter cunt and makes my blood boil.

My DP cheated on his then wife and she slung him out so I know everything I've said about my friend's ex I could equally say about my DP. I didn't feel good about this before but it's even worse now.

Can men really compartmentalise to such a degree they don't think about how much hurt they would cause someone they love.

I will probably be criticised for this and rightly so but I wasn't particularly judgemental on men having affairs before as long as no one got hurt. Now I've seen the hurt it feels a bit different.

I don't think of my DP as a bastard but he's done a lot worse than my friend's ex and I've called my friend's ex every name under the fucking sun.

How do I resolve this in my own mind.

OP posts:
Offred · 08/02/2016 18:11

You see the rest of us see it that his wife had a lucky escape from a man who is so shallow that he would walk away from his wife and family simply for a pretty face and perkier boobs.

YY to that. It's pretty much guaranteed IMO that his ex wife now has the best opportunity out of everyone to have a happy and fulfilling future!

Gabilan · 08/02/2016 18:15

Not sure whether to write something serious or just shout "bingo".

I think there's a difference between a one-off affair in which someone admits it was wrong and tries to change, and serial cheating. The OP's partner cheated with several women over decades. That's not someone stuck in a miserable marriage - that's having your cake and eating it.
Thing is, when you cheat and keep cheating, how can anyone know if you're with them for love, or just convenience?

Original poster
ComeDownToMe · 08/02/2016 18:24

So look 19th ain't me alright. So you know. Why the fuck would I namechange to support myself!! Cheers for the support 19th

OP posts:
Gabilan · 08/02/2016 18:28

ISN'T It does not take long to type and you give the impession of being a mature adult rather than a middle-aged woman desperate to speak street and pretend she's yooffull.

SoThatHappened · 08/02/2016 18:30

I don't think it is anything to do with youth. The constant use of ain't instead of isn't is just a sign of low intelligence.

IamtheRealMrsEamonnHolmes2 · 08/02/2016 18:32

Sometimes Come writes so fluently yet at other times it's almost like a different person ! Innit ?

SoThatHappened · 08/02/2016 18:34

Maybe the next thing that will happen is her fiance will come on to tell us all off.....lol.

eloquent · 08/02/2016 18:39

I'm also gorgeous, stunning hourglass figure so i'm told

Guess what? My ex cheated!

sugar21 · 08/02/2016 18:44

This is hilarious and obvious. I've been sitting reading this shite and laughing at the unintelligent rants. Grin

tippytap · 08/02/2016 18:44
sugar21 · 08/02/2016 18:46

Precisely tippity it's so obvious

Gabilan · 08/02/2016 18:48

SoThat if I genuinely thought the OP struggled with grammar, I wouldn't mention it. But she comes across to me as someone trying to be younger, as if when younger stupid behaviour is more excuseable. Happy to agree to disagree though.

SoThatHappened · 08/02/2016 18:50

Yes Galiban...the more I think about this, it is an epic troll. That is why the way she writes doesnt seem consistent.

DialMforMildred · 08/02/2016 18:51

I suppose that's why this thread caught my attention

I'm confused. How can a thread entitled He's not a bastard but he's behaved like he is possibly have alerted you to the similarities with your own blissfully happy, second time around, munter-free union of souls? Confused Anyone would think you'd clicked on it because you were going out with a cheating bastard too.

teawamutu · 08/02/2016 18:54

It does sound like two different people. neitherparticularlynicemindyou

19thBitchFromHell · 08/02/2016 19:01

ComeDown Sorry if I've made things worse for you. At least now they can see we aren't the same person !
Maybe I'm being a bit unfair, I didn't mean to just wind people up, but I do believe that sometimes it's just not all about the OW being a bad person. I just thiught she could do with a break. I think I can handle myself. Need to in my line of work.

Gabilan · 08/02/2016 19:07

We all need to handle ourselves at work. It's not as if MN is populated by people who wrangle fairies for a living.

Original poster
ComeDownToMe · 08/02/2016 19:09

19th is not me nor am I a troll. I like the word 'ain't' I do not get the problem with it!!

If I try to explain myself thoughtfully I am a tad more eloquent than when I am irked! I find language fascinating. It conveys moods, personality and so much more so I use it. Funny how opinion differs based on how you word summat!

Look I am not proud of being the OW but the troll and sock puppet remarks are offensive. I would not stoop so low. I need to go now.

OP posts:
teawamutu · 08/02/2016 19:40
Christinayangstwistedsista · 08/02/2016 19:40

I was

Flowers

You are worth a thousand of any of them, as usual you handled yourself with dignity

PolkaDotMouse · 08/02/2016 19:50

As this person is so intent on telling everyone how marvellous (not only in body but also now in mind and spirit?!!) she is, it might be better if everyone stopped posting and replying to her posts goading and giving her the attention she so obviously craves and is not getting at home.
If the thread is for real she's now said herself she's 'trying'. Let her keep 'trying' ...

IamtheRealMrsEamonnHolmes2 · 08/02/2016 20:12

ComeDown are you rushing off to stand at the door and welcome him home now ? Such a shame you won't ever be a proper family unit , just desperately trying to entice his daughter to be friendly with you..you will never know the joy of being a mother...you will never have what he and his wife have in their children ...

DialMforMildred · 08/02/2016 21:10

Not sure playing the 'you won't ever be a proper family unit' card is fair, when plenty of couples for whatever reason don't or can't have children.

JonesTheSteam · 08/02/2016 22:04

Fascinaing that of all the posters who have come here and explained to you why you shouldn't be marrying the serial cheat, you pick up on 19th and her 'support' for you.

I know you've come in for some stick but there are a lot of people on here, myself included, who've tried to explain patiently why you can't trust this "man".

You are bloody deluded. End of.

IamtheRealMrsEamonnHolmes2 · 08/02/2016 22:14

mildred not extending it to all and sundry - just to come who seems a bit insecure about hubby to be's family ....