Partner wants me to get stoned. wwyd?

[marmaladenbacon]

My fb has made no secret of the fact he enjoys getting stoned once in a while. I make no judgement about this, each to their own. I have never touched drugs or anything ever, not once. I don't smoke & barely drink. Last night he was telling me how good it feels & said 'I bet you'd be incredible stoned' (meaning for sex obviously). My question is this: wwyd? I'm interested to hear your opinions. I was brought up to avoid all that stuff but should I give it a go once, for the experience? Or is it a really stupid juvenile thing to do? My personal thought is I'd rather be 'present' for good sex & not pissed out of my mind. I'm really naive here.

I wouldn't do it - and i wouldn't be with someone who even mentioned it to me. The fact that you don't feel sure about it and are asking people on the internet makes me think that you are incredibly naive and in some way believe you ought to 'please' your partner.
How old are you? I suggest you find your self esteem and show him the door.

He wants to have sex with you while you are not fully in control of yourself. While your ability to say 'no' is impaired....

Not a chance.

I agree with other posters, a regular drug user is not a good long term bet for a relationship.

Thanks everyone, I feel more confident now about saying I'm 'meh' about the whole thing. Having never been remotely near drugs, not even a sneaky drag on a fag, ever, I needed more opinions. I should have made the title say, 'Partner suggested I try' not 'Partner wants me to' because there really isn't any pressure. He's never smoked around me. I feel more confident now saying I'm just not interested.

I wouldn't. I find the idea that he wants you stoned for sex quite worrying. Does he not like you fully awake and participating?

When he said it it wasn't said like it was for his benefit, it was said like he thought I'd enjoy it. Anyway, it doesn't matter now, I shall turn it down.

Dh and I smoke grass, it does make a difference to sex but not enough of one that I would have taken drugs when I never have before to achieve it.

You should try something because you want to, never because someone else suggests it. I wouldnt recommend you do this as you don't seem to want to yourself, more worried that if you don't you might be missing out.

You arent likely to come to any harm doing this, cannabis is safer than alcohol and you will not develop cannabis psychosis from trying it once, that is a possibility if you have an existing mental health issue and use heavy doses of very strong skunk.

But I maintain it isn't something you should do unless you want to.

Do u really want a life with a guy who gets regularly stoned?

Marmalade Suggestions men make about sex (even the loveliest, sweetest men) are very rarely wholly altruistic.

LOL @ the pearl-clutching uptightness on this thread

OP - Have a puff from his cigarette next time and see what you think. You won't pass out, lose control, or be unable to give consent. You might just want to lie on the couch and listen to music (which will sound so much better). It sounds like he wants to share the experience with you and not to knock you out so he can rape you.

If you don't like it, that might make it easier for you to decide if this relationship has a future or not.

It's never been my thing but I did smoke it occasionally for a few years and have fond memories of interesting conversations, brilliant music, and mellow, chilled parties from that time.

Don't do it if you don't want to! You sound resolutely intoxicant-free and if you were the sort of person who would enjoy weed I expect you'd have tried it long ago. All that said, there's a lot of alarmist stuff on this thread. I have a smoke every so often with my husband and neither of us have turned into zombies yet. Being stoned doesn't make me feel particularly amorous however, it just increases my appetite for ice-cream and Saturday night telly.

LOL @ the pearl-clutching uptightness on this thread

Why is it considered to be so 'cool' to get stoned occasionally when the general consensus on Mumsnet is that smoking cigarettes or - shock horror - having a couple of glasses of wine if you are pregnant is the work of the devil? ?

Has anyone said it's "cool" to get stoned?!

I enjoy the odd smoke on occasions (few and far far between) just to do it a lot in my teenage urs and I have never (nor known anyone) who's had fantastic sex while stonned!? That's odd tbh its used to relax not to hype u up so weird suggestion.
I get why ur on asking though, no pressure but r u missing something type feeling, but there's obviously a reason uve avoided everything till now - id go with ur gut and have a nice cold gin instead ;)

Used** not just...stupid fat finger typing

I would get rid of the stoner in general. He is a fb. Thats not going anywhere and making you unavailable to someome who you might have a future with.

If you say no and he mentions it again, then there is pressure, however it is said.

If you don't want to then don't. Nobody should pressure you to take any drug that you don't want to, including alcohol.

Personally I hate being stoned. It makes me lie on my back, feeling stupid. I slur, can't put a sentence together and just drool.

I used to smoke a lot. I wouldn't say being stoned was conducive to good sex. More likely you'll feel lazy and sleepy

LOL @ the pearl-clutching uptightness on this thread that is a nasty, manipulative, bullying attitude, to be so dispariging about peoples opinions.

maybe you haven't seen or experienced the wreck this drug can make of this peoples lives.

Your sneery response may be designed to try and make you look cool and laid back, but it in fact just makes you look pig ignorant.

Fgs we are talking about having a puff and seeing what her DP is enjoying occasionally. Not abandoning work, family, and friends to go live in an opium den.

This is exactly the pearl-clutching hysteria I was talking about.

You can enjoy a glass of wine at dinner from time to time without ever being an alcoholic. And you can enjoy a roll-up cigarette from time to time to chill in the garden & listen to music with your DP.

I suspect if you say "no thanks I'd rather not" you may suddenly experience the pressure.

Whether it is intended or not, by saying no you are placing a judgement on his lifestyle choices. I suspect he will find that very hard to take.

To take drugs on an ongoing basis or not to take drugs represent very very different lifestyle choices. I would be surprised if ultimately they were compatible.

Why does he want you to be stoned to have sex with you? The fact that he wants your judgement and inhibitions reduced makes me somewhat suspicious of his reasons.

The rights and wrongs of the drug are, in a way, irrelevant.

Fgs we are talking about having a puff and seeing what her DP is enjoying occasionally

we are talking about breaking the law, engaging with criminal dealers, supporting a slave based industry, messing with something that can totally screw your life up, losing full control of yourself, risking getting a criminal record.

You are just trying to minimalise it, I suspect because you don't want the guilt of doing this yourself.

it is not a big deal - it is a HUGE deal - maybe you really are as ignorant as you pretend, maybe you really don't know the consequences this filth has for society and individuals, maybe you just need to grow up.

www.theguardian.com/society/2007/jul/27/drugsandalcohol.drugs

The link between cannabis and mental illness is well known. The link between skunk and mental illness higher. Frankly you don't know what you are smoking frequently .

I would run for the hills because supporting someone through it is horrific even if you do choose to say no yourself.

And it will get him eventually.

I'm confused by the nature of your relationship - partner, fb ? However it seems as if he deliberately wants to lower your perceptions, treat you as an object , perhaps abuse you. Run a mile.