Feeling uneasy about dp staying at his exes

[MuthaHubbard]

Just that really, something in my gut tells me something is off.

For the first time in our nearly 4 yr relationship, dp is staying at his XW's house with his ds. He only mentioned this about an hour before going - that apparently he was going to stop on a camp bed in his sons room. This is because he hasn't really seen him this week (bit of a fib), ds's grandfather just died (a month ago) and funnily enough his XW is now single (over a month or so ago).

Since his XW became single, he has been seeing his son a lot more than the normal twice a week. Now I am totally fine with this, am very happy that he's got the chance to spend more time with his ds - but this is always at his XW house. DS used to visit here weekly and stay once every fortnight but I've not actually seen him really since June. I said that I felt like I was the one who was now single as I barely see DP or his DS lately - bearing in mind they live about a 15 min drive away.

When DP mentioned it - I didn't say anything straight away which he initially took for me being 'funny' about it. Which seems rather defensive bearing in mind I'd not said a word.

I keep going from not being bothered (I'm not one to get jealous, which DP has remarked on before now) to my gut telling me the total opposite.

This is on top of the fact that I told him that he's treating the place like a hotel lately, home for tea, back out again for hours and then back to sleep. This is making me mightly pissed off lately and this just seems to be tipping me over into thinking god knows what.

Not sure what I'm asking but feel it's going to be a long night!

If you put 'test' into Asda groceries search box it only comes up with two different items, pregnancy or ovulation. I'm so sorry. I'm not one to shout LTB as sometimes there is another side but I'm really struggling with this.

Just read your thread op and it's almost obvious he's cheating, and I'd be telling him to fuck off for good as soon as.

Although firstly, I'd be inclined to act normally this morning and tell him that you need to go shopping to get YOURSELF a test, just to see the reaction on his face as he shits himself

Thanks Vegas and Disco.

And that's good to know Hellkitty, it means they have tried or are planning to then.

Just waiting for him to wake up. I have never been so pumped on adrenalin in my life!

OP, it's not very often you read posts from somebody so switched on like you on here. Be strong and take care of yourself

Good luck op. I cannot believe the gall of this fucking idiot. Why on earth does he want to make his life so bloody complicated?

Hand holding.

Oh goodness. You poor woman. And what a knob he is.

Best of luck confronting him. You sound very switched on and I'm sure he is absolutely no match for you

Op, you're being amazing. He doesn't deserve you. Sadly this is one leopard who has not changed his spots. It sounds like he's not interested in a relationship with his ex, but is more than happy to shag her when the opportunity arises :( what a gem.

You on the other hand are strong and capable and determined. He can move out today and you get to carry on your life as the amazing person you are. Safe in the knowledge that he is and will always be a cowardly worm.

Good luck

These two individuals have a weird and unhealthy relationship.

Thank god you saw those messages and can remove both of them from your life.

Can I ask what possessed you to shack up with a bloke who (by your account) had multiple affairs while married, left his DW (and DC) for OW, cheated on OW with exDW and got her pregnant .

So he's just left.

He came downstairs and put the kettle on. I took a deep breath and said that I was done, we are finished, I know some of what's gone on and know about the pregnancy test.

He looked at me and said 'what, what test? for who?'. For XW. He calmly makes us both a drink and just shrugs his shoulders 'duno what you mean'. Silence. Nada, nothing.

So I leave it until he finishes his drink whilst I try to remain as calm as I can whilst my heart is beating like the clappers.

As he goes to leave for work I say 'so you have nothing to say at all about what i've just said, a normal person would defend themselves or act shocked if not true'. He says he doesn't know what I'm talking about.
Me - so there was no need for a pregnancy test for XW yesterday? Nope.
Me - I know from her that she needed one and that he knew exactly what I was saying. Nope.

Me - You've been sleeping with her and her texting to say she needed a test didn't happen? Nope - how did she get your number?

Me - Again, a normal person when told such information that was totally untrue, wouldn't just quietly sit and drink his tea. Again, I know from her that you/her got a test yesterday. That didn't happen? Nope - keep taking the tablets.

He goes to open the front door and I say you realise this is us finished don't you? Shrugs. I will pack your stuff up today and you can collect at some point. Okay, thanks for that.

And he's gone. My heart rate is slowly returning to normal. This is so not the reaction of an unguilty person - in fact I even smiled whilst he was sat quietly drinking his tea as I knew that I was right.

Thank you all so very much for the hand holding and for the lovely comments about me being strong - am sure I will cry again at some point!

DrMorbius - believe me I ask myself the same question. Of course I was stupid enough to fall for a good looking charmer. Every one has an off day (or year(s).....)

I haven't been a saint in the past but learnt from my mistakes and I thought he had also - and of course I only learnt a large chunk of it after he'd reeled me in. Thought he'd changed.....yada, yada, yada.

I have well and truly learnt my lesson.

He's done this before and has gone straight into an emotional shut down and "deny everything"

It's shocking that someone who up until that moment has said they love you could be so cold.

I imagine whilst his mouth was saying "dunno" his head was saying, "ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuck"

You are well rid. And it's really not your fault you trusted him. We tend to judge people by our own sets of morals. We tend to believe that when someone we love behaved badly in the past, that that was them in a particular circumstance, and not who they really are.

Gut instincts are worth their weight in gold. Onwards and upwards!

But first have a and feel however you need to. You must be so tired and so hurt. Now you know the truth it's hard but you're better off than living with that uncertainly.

What a twat, he didn't even have a decency to apologise for doing this shit to you. He just drunk the brew, such an arse!

MuthaHubbard
As they say "you can't go back and make a new beginning.....but you can start over and make a new ending for yourself" onwards and upwards.

That is just unbelievable. I think as FuckYou says, he couldn't reply because his brain was in an almighty flap. He was obviously totally blindsided by you finding out. I'm afraid I can't think of a single "test" I've done from Adsa that's not pg or a person who I've asked to get one that wasn't responsible for providing the sperm.
I hope you and your DD are ok. Is there anyone who can be there with you when he collects his stuff.

Wtaf was his plan of you had not found out and she is pg? Oh btw I have another kid to pay cm for. Hope you don't mind. They'll be over to stay eow.

Well done for confronting him today. I'm really sorry it turned out this way.

Thanks all. Really appreciate it.

I'm hoping he won't be back until later when my ds(20) will be here. He'll need clothes I suppose seen as he left with nothing! Don't think he even noticed that I'd taken my front door key off his keyring, or if he did, he said nowt!

Have rung and told ds I've kicked him out - he said good!

Very true DrM. Thank you.

Your DS sounds awesome!

op you've done the right thing. Very brave.

Your ds is great :)

Your XP is an idiot.

You are going to be just fine.

Be prepared that now he's having time to think he may new try and come up with some bullshit and try and convince you that you've got the wrong end of the stick, so that he can stay put.