Feeling uneasy about dp staying at his exes

[MuthaHubbard]

Just that really, something in my gut tells me something is off.

For the first time in our nearly 4 yr relationship, dp is staying at his XW's house with his ds. He only mentioned this about an hour before going - that apparently he was going to stop on a camp bed in his sons room. This is because he hasn't really seen him this week (bit of a fib), ds's grandfather just died (a month ago) and funnily enough his XW is now single (over a month or so ago).

Since his XW became single, he has been seeing his son a lot more than the normal twice a week. Now I am totally fine with this, am very happy that he's got the chance to spend more time with his ds - but this is always at his XW house. DS used to visit here weekly and stay once every fortnight but I've not actually seen him really since June. I said that I felt like I was the one who was now single as I barely see DP or his DS lately - bearing in mind they live about a 15 min drive away.

When DP mentioned it - I didn't say anything straight away which he initially took for me being 'funny' about it. Which seems rather defensive bearing in mind I'd not said a word.

I keep going from not being bothered (I'm not one to get jealous, which DP has remarked on before now) to my gut telling me the total opposite.

This is on top of the fact that I told him that he's treating the place like a hotel lately, home for tea, back out again for hours and then back to sleep. This is making me mightly pissed off lately and this just seems to be tipping me over into thinking god knows what.

Not sure what I'm asking but feel it's going to be a long night!

I have to say it sounds like a well rehearsed story. He could have told you all of this when you confronted him. He just accepted what you thought and walked out.

Up to you, but it sounds like bullshit to me

I think it sounds plausible but his actions prior to you seeing the text were not those of someone putting you first and treating you as you deserve! He's had time to come up with a credible story and it could be a complete pack of lies but you know what, even if it's the truth it's too late, it's broken!
You would never really trust him again and as he has to see his ex on a regular basis you would be living a life of misery.
You've been so strong , keep going !

He's had plenty of time to concoct that story. Why would she ask him of all people get her a pg test if he had nothing to do with the reason for it ?

If she was so mortified why didn't she buy a test herself?

And why wouldn't the truthful words of an innocent man come tumbling out when asked about this?

Surprise at a question doesn't make you mute, figuring out a good enough lie to it does.

Sorry op but I think your handling of this bloke has been fantastic up until this point. But I think you know this is bullshit right?

Yea I don't buy it. Most women in that situation would confide in a girlfriend or female relative NOT their ex!

And I'd also say it sounds like the test was negative.

^^ this too!

Hi Mutha,

I've been following your thread from the start, when I read your update just now, my first words were "Bullshit".

He is lying, if that were true, he wouldn't have walked out the door last week and not have told you that, then his bull shit texts, also it took him a whole week to come up with that one, he did this as he felt you would have calmed down by now and actually listened to his lies.
For God sake don't fall for that one. Funny how he is now open to realizing that he wasn't being right by you with all his time given to the ExW.

He will do/say anything right now to get back into your house, interesting to find out what his living arrangements are at the moment, guarantee the ExW doesn't want him back, but he was OK to have sex with and get her pregnant.

These people are all disturbed, get out while you have the chance.
Otherwise he and the EXW will be laughing at you and will get back to their carry on once this boils over

I agree with Dolly. Very well rehearsed but why on earth didn't he discuss this with you at the outset?

Sounds like BS to me too.

Ask yourself OP, at what point did his XW become disabled? He his spinning a croak of shite!

If you accept his pathetic excuses for his sad behaviour, then you will set a precedent (not suggesting you will .

Oh and if your meeting was by accident (not suggesting it wasn't) why the fuck had he not attempted to contact you via other avenues (smoke signals, pigeon express) to explain his fuck up? ( 2 fucks now 3 in one reply- that's a record for me- sorry OP)

If it was all innocent and as he says - why the fuck didn't he just say when confronted. This is what I can't get passed. There may be a smidgen of truth in it, but it just doesn't ring true and I can still smell bullshit.

I could have happily twatted him but channelled my inner dignity and said nowt.

The trust is broken now.

It's making me wonder if he and his ex have a similar relationship to my cousin and her ex.

Cousin and ex have one ds and have been split about 8 years.

Everytime cousin's ex is attached she will go out of her way to contact, seduce and generally open all doors for him.

When he is single she doesn't want to know. She laughed when she told me of a time he'd been kicked out for cheating (with her) and turned up on her doorstep. She told him to fuck off.

Didn't stop her sleeping with him six months later when he had a new gf.

Seriously fucked up relationship.

At the risk of sounding crude....
If it sounds like bullshit
If it smells like bullshit
If it looks like bullshit
It's bullshit

He's had time to come up with a credible story. And that's what that is. Nothing more.

Most tissues of lies have some kernel of truth somewhere. But this is bulls hit and you would be foolish to swallow it. But you know that.

"If it was all innocent and as he says - why the fuck didn't he just say when confronted. "

My point exactly, he is lying, BTW total respect for your highly tuned intuition on the whole sorry mess, you had him sussed out in record time.

Please do not doubt yourself, I know you cared about him a great deal, but he is one fucking liar, a stupid one at that, he isn't even good at cheating, he was exposed so easily.

I actually LOLed when I read his excuse then.

You said in your op that as soon as his ex became single he was there almost more than with you - this speaks volumes no? Plus sleepovers with a 14 yr old who lives 15 mins away? Plus the test and his history of impregnating her when he's with other women.
He's been shagging her

Even if it were true (it's not) what about the deleted texts, the staying over etc? It's not as if he can cut her out of his life. He will always have to have contact with her because of the child.

You're not wavering are you op?

Why would she ask him to get a pregnancy test? She doesn't shop?

It doesn't explain why he has sent all those shitty texts since.

From when he stayed over to her wanting him to grab a test is a pretty good time scale too for thinking she may be pregnant.

I feel like I did the other night when I found the text - fucking angry.

Why bother? Why don't they just fuck off into the sunset together?! I bet part of it is he likes to have the last word - I would rather have the diabetic pony story

Surely if you're in shock it's more mental effort to make up a web of lies and try to convince your DP that she's been seeing things, than it is to come out with some version of the truth, garbled or not.

You know it's total horseshit. And even if it wasn't it merely serves to prove how completely fucked up his boundaries are. Either way you're well rid.

Or he's telling the truth.

Am not wavering - just in shock right now at a) seeing him and b) his bullshit

How so Tree? Genuinely interested in all opinions.

You really don't need this drama in your life.

God, it all sounds so draining. Who needs it.