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Original poster

Feeling uneasy about dp staying at his exes

366 replies

MuthaHubbard · 21/08/2015 23:35

Just that really, something in my gut tells me something is off.

For the first time in our nearly 4 yr relationship, dp is staying at his XW's house with his ds. He only mentioned this about an hour before going - that apparently he was going to stop on a camp bed in his sons room. This is because he hasn't really seen him this week (bit of a fib), ds's grandfather just died (a month ago) and funnily enough his XW is now single (over a month or so ago).

Since his XW became single, he has been seeing his son a lot more than the normal twice a week. Now I am totally fine with this, am very happy that he's got the chance to spend more time with his ds - but this is always at his XW house. DS used to visit here weekly and stay once every fortnight but I've not actually seen him really since June. I said that I felt like I was the one who was now single as I barely see DP or his DS lately - bearing in mind they live about a 15 min drive away.

When DP mentioned it - I didn't say anything straight away which he initially took for me being 'funny' about it. Which seems rather defensive bearing in mind I'd not said a word.

I keep going from not being bothered (I'm not one to get jealous, which DP has remarked on before now) to my gut telling me the total opposite.

This is on top of the fact that I told him that he's treating the place like a hotel lately, home for tea, back out again for hours and then back to sleep. This is making me mightly pissed off lately and this just seems to be tipping me over into thinking god knows what.

Not sure what I'm asking but feel it's going to be a long night!

OP posts:
TenForward82 · 07/09/2015 15:35

Yes, XW has got a neg preg test and changed her mind, so he's going to play the innocent and "I was SO SHOCKED by your accusations that I just didn't know what to say at the time!"

Ignore, he'll never change.

Seriouslyffs · 07/09/2015 15:40

You are awesome MuthaStar

Original poster
MuthaHubbard · 07/09/2015 17:10

What baffles me is they have done this before - why in earth do it again? What will these poor children think when they are older?

OP posts:
Baconyum · 07/09/2015 17:21

I agree recipe for a fucked up childhood if ever there was one! Short only of abuse and it could be argued emotionally abusive.

StackladysMorphicResonator · 07/09/2015 17:33

Well done OP!

He can't say he wasn't warned - you told him you don't do drama, what did he expect?

It must be infuriating to him that you're not replying to his texts! Grin

goddessofsmallthings · 07/09/2015 17:38

You've been so A-MAZ-ING throughout that maybe you should consider changing Hubbard to something beginning with F, Mutha Grin

Keep him on tenterhooks ice until you can listen to what he has to say with out wanting to brain him a look of mild disdain on your face.

His ex may not be pg this time round, but it won't be long before he's required to make another trip to Asda.

In the best case scenario the poor dc will never know that they've got a sexually incontinent twat for a df and an emotionally unstable twit for a dm, but the chances are there won't be a happy ending as either one of them could take up with somone else at a moment's notice and most probably will.

You're an absolute Star honey. Have a Wine and be glad that you manoeuvred him out of your life and your home with such ease and speed.

HSMMaCM · 07/09/2015 17:49

You've had a lucky escape and your DCs are great. What more could you ask for. Just completely ignore him now. Block him from your Facebook too, so you don't have to see what he's doing. If he doesn't collect his belongings from the shed on the appointed date, then it probably means he doesn't want them at all I think.

Meeeeeeep · 07/09/2015 18:29

You've done the right thing. Silence is the best thing you can give him right now. You said yourself he hates being ignored so retain your own dignity whilst royally pissing him off.

mylovelylife · 07/09/2015 18:57

Your lack of responses must be so infuriating to him, well done.His first text was to provoke you and then once you had engaged he could label you the 'crazy lady'. You have shown great restraint and his actions are if a guilty man.

Original poster
MuthaHubbard · 07/09/2015 19:26

Thanks all - just back from a run to clear my head a bit.
Will be leaving him to stew a little longer, then maybe tomorrow or Weds text to tell him his stuff is available from the shed at certain times/days and will let him know if/when I wish to talk

OP posts:
Tinktheterrible · 07/09/2015 19:29

Do you have any reasons to have contact again? Finances etc? If not I'd consider what pp have said and block his number. He must be feeling like a prize arse deep down now. Well done you on staying strong. Hope it starts to get easier soon. You should book yourself a treat to look forward to. A weekend away with the kids or friends or something Flowers

Tinktheterrible · 07/09/2015 19:29

Ah, sorry, x posted with you. Maybe block him once his stuff is out of the way then.

Original poster
MuthaHubbard · 07/09/2015 19:48

Sorry tink - x post. Just for him to get his stuff, have put in shed so he doesn't have to come in house/see him.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 07/09/2015 20:08

There's nothing to talk about though, is there? He can't be trusted and that's an end to it.

Theresaflyinmyhouse · 07/09/2015 21:23

Op, you're playing this so well. He must be so furious that you're ignoring him.

AyeAmarok · 07/09/2015 21:28

Bloody hell OP, you've done really well.

You're right, there is absolutely no way that an innocent person would allow themselves to be dumped and kicked out, absolutely no way in hell.

Do you think the arranging to stay over was because she was ovulating?

I get the temptation to know what he has to say, but he won't admit the whole truth, so there's no point. If he wasn't doing something shady he wouldn't have been deleting the messages.

TheDowagerCuntess · 07/09/2015 22:05

What's there to talk about?

He's completely denying everything.

Allowing him to talk would just be indulging him, and would provide you with absolutely no satisfaction at all.

BitOfFun · 07/09/2015 22:09

Exactly, Dowager. All he could come up after the passage of time would be lies anyway.

Original poster
MuthaHubbard · 08/09/2015 16:43

Thanks all - you are keeping me on the straight and narrow. He messaged me again : When are you going to talk to me then,whatever you think I've done you'd be wrong,but will you let me explain,no.Not very adult really,not been sleeping with Sarah as you like to think,anyway,if you want to talk then just let me know.??
I replied to say that if/when I wish to talk, he will be informed only in the hopend that this will keep him quiet for a while as my stomach churns whenever he messages.
He had plenty of chance to talk when I asked him about it Friday when he blatantly lied to my face re any test.

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 08/09/2015 17:26

I think if he texts again a brief "you had your chance to explain, I'm not interested anymore. Please do not text me again." might be appropriate? Or straight radio silence.

Even the fact that he knows you know think he slept with someone else, but yet rather than be worried about how upset this would make someone to think they'd been cheated on, he couldn't even be arsed to talk about it for a few days while he concocted a story. And now he's texting you telling you YOU'RE the horrible one!

Tinktheterrible · 08/09/2015 17:27

If your stomach is churning when he texts do you think a face to face will make it worse or better? It seems likely that he'll keep lying to you at the minute so it might be best to wait. However, I'm pretty sure that in your shoes I'd feel better being able to get stuff off my chest and just hear the truth. Not sure how likely getting the truth is going to be though. That's why I still think blocking his number might be your best bet. It's a horrid situation mutha and you're doing really well. I just wish he'd man up and confess, that way you might start to feel you're getting some closure rather than having your poor stomach churning all the time Flowers
Regardless of whether or not he's been sleeping with her he HAS been lying to you and has created this situation which has made you feel like shit. To continue with those sorts of derogatory texts is compounding the issue. Any fool can see that, except for him obviously. You are so much better off without him, irrespective of what he actually admits to having done.

magoria · 08/09/2015 17:39

He had his chance to explain when you confronted him on Friday. Problem was he was unprepared then.

He has had best part of a week now to think up his excuses and lies. You will not get the truth if you listen to him now.

Please resist further replies. You know all you need to know.

It is all your fault you read his phone that he cheated... Hmm

kittybiscuits · 08/09/2015 17:45

Block him or change your number OP? His strategy, 100%, is to try and make you doubt yourself. You've done brilliantly. Don't let him keep niggling away at you.

TobleroneBoo · 08/09/2015 17:46

Place marking because I am
So impressed by your strength Op. Flowers well done

patienceisvirtuous · 08/09/2015 17:46

Just read this all now. Sorry you're having a stressful time OP. You've done yourself (and your dc's) really proud though.

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