Sorry to hear that mildly 
I hope you find a way forward. Yes, what a shit bag 
Op, you say you don't know how not to mind. Why would you not mind being treated like this? It is a soul-destroying, utterly devastating, way to live. Why should you not mind? Why should you be trying to find a way not to mind?
You say I don't think I could bear the "being an outcast to dh" nature of it . Abusers weave a dazzling web around their intended victim - and, once they're reeled in, will slowly destroy them. Abusers convince their victims they couldn't possibly live without them - who would want you/you wouldn't survive alone/you're stupid, fat, ugly, a bad mother/where would you earn enough money to live without me/no-one would want you with children/I will take the children if you go/every court would support me/you will lose the children/the children will be destroyed if we split/I will take the house and all the money/you will have nothing/no-one would love you like I do/no-one would put up with you.
Some abusers blatantly say things like this - but some abusers don't ever say anything like this outright but they imply it in every way without saying it.
All abusers play the long game - often they are so wonderful and adorable, love you so completely you are hopelessly in love and can't see how you could live without them. Everyone adores them and thinks they're wonderful; you can't believe how anyone so wonderful could love YOU, you feel so lucky, that life has blessed you. You feel charmed, in a charmed circle. You can't bear the thought of being out of it - cast into outer darkness.
I believe your husband is the way I'm describing here. You have said enough in your posts to indicate this is the case. As he controls the finances - buying a commercial property right under your nose without consulting you; then denying and lying when confronted (in his mind, it had nothing to do with you, was none of your business) - and is self-employed then, yes, things would get sticky if you do leave him. He will make sure it is sticky - he has got you just where he wants you: powerless. Emotionally, psychologically, financially, practically. He has planned this, this is how he wants it. He doesn't loathe you, so much, he loathes women and you are getting that neat. It has nothing to do with his childhood so don't feel sorry for him (plenty of people have a shit childhood and don't go on to do this) - though he may well have run the terrible stories by you and expects you to feel sorry for him. This is how he planned it all along in order to disable you. Devastatingly, he has enjoyed making you powerless because this is how he believes women should be treated.
And you are trying to find a way not to mind. Why would you do that.
Go to the Freedom Programme (details listed above). Going does not mean you have to leave the marriage. You will get good, solid information and you can make a choice, either to leave or to stay. You won't be pressured to stay or to leave. You meet other women in the same position, so no-one will be pointing fingers.
If you go, don't tell him though. Let this be one area that is your business and not under his power and control.