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Original poster

Should I go to lunch with this man?

174 replies

secondchapter · 16/08/2015 22:40

I was happily married for 25 years and widowed. Although I had a couple of boyfriends whilst at school, have never done the whole dating thing as an adult. I think that I am a terrible flirt; I enjoy talking to men. Anyway, I was in my local pub (real ale bar, quite civilised) and a regular who was quite merry at the time was chatting me up and asking for my number. I resisted giving out my number, saying that it was complicated but I did agree to meet him for lunch near where I work this week. Anyway, am I mad to go? He is quite entertaining, though quite a bit older than me, retired and with a 1970's attitude to physical contact in the pub (which I told him off for) He often has a younger woman on his arm, I know he is divorced. I have made it clear that this is lunch and that I am not ready to be out on the pull.

OP posts:
Binit · 16/08/2015 22:42

No I wouldn't. Lunch is a foot in the door for philanderers.

AnyFucker · 16/08/2015 22:49

he had a "1970's attitude to physical contact" Hmm

what are you, desperate ?

TopOfTheCliff · 16/08/2015 22:54

He is a pub regular? Older than you, and sexist too from the sound of it. Ugh.

Give this one a miss, but maybe you are ready to meet someone nice.
Have you tried the Widow/ers social group online? My BIL met some lovely people on there.

DoreenLethal · 16/08/2015 22:56

A 70's attitude to physical contact?

Rather you than me to be honest.

AlpacaMyBags · 16/08/2015 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
secondchapter · 16/08/2015 23:01

No, I'm not desperate, he just thought it was acceptable to touch my bum. I told him off. I do think he is entertaining and he is someone who I have seen and chatted to a number of times. If he was a woman, I wouldn't be worried about meeting up for lunch.

OP posts:
LondonRocks · 16/08/2015 23:03

Don't. Your doubts are there for a reason.

MARTIN1 · 16/08/2015 23:04

a 1970's attitude to physical contact

Sounds like the sort of phrase I'd use

Original poster
secondchapter · 16/08/2015 23:05

consensus seems to be "mad to go" so far :-D

OP posts:
MARTIN1 · 16/08/2015 23:06

Go for it, you have nothing to lose and you have a lunch companion. It's only lunch, it's not a wedding

WallyBantersJunkBox · 16/08/2015 23:07

Good lord no....in my head already the date scenario is munching on a pork pie and pickle onion combo in a sticky carpeted Wetherspoons with Jack Harper from On the Buses.

holdyourown · 16/08/2015 23:08

If you're both single and want to go to lunch and don't mind the Benny Hill factor then why not. I'd say it depends if you want to. Might be good to get 'out there' again after being widowed - you know its not going to be anything serious so maybe you can just be mates?

Obviously follow normal safety rules such as tell someone where you're going, don't get in his car etc.

LineyRunner · 16/08/2015 23:08

No, I wouldn't.

Lovelydiscusfish · 16/08/2015 23:09

It all sounds fine apart from the bum-touching, in my opinion.

DoreenLethal · 16/08/2015 23:16

Yeah, whats a bit of bum touching - oh apart from being a sexual assault. What's not to like?

UghMug2 · 16/08/2015 23:19

There's nothing wrong with a practice date as long as you keep in mind the negative bits about this guy. Who says you can't be a bit "benny hill"(to quote another poster) too? Its not like you've signed a contract to shag him in the toilets ( or have you?)

Original poster
secondchapter · 16/08/2015 23:20

Not such a consensus now, hmmm. I've already told him off for the physical contact. I sort of thought that lunch was ok, as long as I set him boundaries, and he knows I have to go back to work for the afternoon and am not on the pull

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 16/08/2015 23:21

Personally i wouldnt go on any date with a man that i had already had to discuss boundaries with.

AnyFucker · 16/08/2015 23:31

if you have to talk yourself into it, there is something wrong

there are other men...ones that won't feel you up as if by habit

Original poster
secondchapter · 16/08/2015 23:42

I don't think that I have to talk myself into it, as I say, I find him entertaining. I guess I am just worried that he may see himself as gods gift, given that he doesn't seem to lack female company. As I said, I've never done dating as an adult and a) don't think I am ready for that b) don't think I know the rules, if there are any these days. There are other men, yes.

OP posts:
Sunbeam18 · 17/08/2015 00:03

Would it be a date or lunch with a friend? Sounds like he thinks it's the former since he's tried to mawl you already. If you are not interested in him then I wouldn't go (am imagining Barbara Windsor and Sid James with lots of hand slapping and dirty laughs!)

BoskyCat · 17/08/2015 00:13

Well it is only lunch, but I have to say uninvited bum-groping would put him on my "avoid" list, even if he is entertaining. That doesn't say good things about a man and I wouldn't want him in my life even as a friend.

There are better men out there, to be friends or lovers as you choose. You don't need wandering hands to deal with.

toffeeboffin · 17/08/2015 01:52

God help me what's wrong with you lot?!

Go, OP, have fun, it's only lunchConfused

goddessofsmallthings · 17/08/2015 03:52

It may be 'only lunch', but will it stop at pie & chips or will he expect the OP to pull his pudding afterwards, toffee? Smile

I thought they'd rounded up all 1970s gropers and incarcerated them - maybe this reprobate has been released on licence?

chippedrippedandstinking · 17/08/2015 06:47

OP go!!! It's lunch, it'll be a laugh and you could make a new friend. If you're comfy around men like this (as I am, I get it, and I chat to strange blokes in pubs) then absolutely do it! There's lots of advantages to being on chatty friendly terms with the local Bon Viveur!

"Sexual assault"??? I despair of MN sometimes!