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Original poster

Should I go to lunch with this man?

174 replies

secondchapter · 16/08/2015 22:40

I was happily married for 25 years and widowed. Although I had a couple of boyfriends whilst at school, have never done the whole dating thing as an adult. I think that I am a terrible flirt; I enjoy talking to men. Anyway, I was in my local pub (real ale bar, quite civilised) and a regular who was quite merry at the time was chatting me up and asking for my number. I resisted giving out my number, saying that it was complicated but I did agree to meet him for lunch near where I work this week. Anyway, am I mad to go? He is quite entertaining, though quite a bit older than me, retired and with a 1970's attitude to physical contact in the pub (which I told him off for) He often has a younger woman on his arm, I know he is divorced. I have made it clear that this is lunch and that I am not ready to be out on the pull.

OP posts:
thehypocritesoaf · 17/08/2015 07:23

If he were the last man left in the world then yeah, maybe I would.

AnyFucker · 17/08/2015 07:27

I despair of women who are flattered by "charming" men who don't think twice about invading your personal body space. I wonder if he does it to teenage girls too. I expect so. I wonder if they find it "funny" and have no problems batting him off.

DoreenLethal · 17/08/2015 07:29

There's lots of advantages to being on chatty friendly terms with the local Bon Viveur!

Now, that is despairing! What kinds of advantages exactly?

LineyRunner · 17/08/2015 07:50

He sounds like a right tosser to me.

BoskyCat · 17/08/2015 08:18

It is indecent assault, actually. If he did that to a colleague at work he could lose his job. Admittedly most people brush it off and wouldn't take it to court, but it's still seriously poor behaviour and shows that he doesn't respect women.

OP you say you "told him off" as if that makes it OK, but do you want to be friends with someone who you have to treat like a toddler because he can't behave?

Belleview · 17/08/2015 08:25

No I definitely definitely would not go. Why? His attitude. Do I want go home after a lunch feeling mildly depressed that I've just been regarded as a nice bit of skirt and fair game, and a host of other 70's phrases that belie a truly terrible attitude to women.

Why not make your first foray into dating something definitely not depressing, and not alienating, so you won't feel objectivised? Use this as a nudge in the right direction, into conscious dating.

DoreenLethal · 17/08/2015 08:30

If he doesn't get to fuck you after, you will probably be known as Frigid Bridget every time you go back into that bar.

Please hold your horses and go for your first lunch with a nice man.

Anniegetyourgun · 17/08/2015 08:34

If he was a woman, I wouldn't be worried about meeting up for lunch.

How about if he was a woman who touched your bum?

spanky2 · 17/08/2015 08:39

He sounds creepy to me. Bum groping isn't appealing at all.

Original poster
secondchapter · 17/08/2015 09:21

Doreen what planet are you on? Do you f* everyone you go to lunch with? It is just lunch, in my lunch hour, near work. Is there a law preventing me from having male friends? I do lunch regularly with female friends..

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/08/2015 09:26

I think what Doreen is saying is that he , judging him on his previous behaviour, is likely to see this as lunch with you as the dessert.

Original poster
secondchapter · 17/08/2015 09:51

I don't think there is the remotest chance of him expecting sex for desert, or talking about it afterwards Shock

OP posts:
sanityforlunch · 17/08/2015 09:54

No way would I go for lunch with him. He sounds like a dirty old man, I think you would be fighting off his advances for ever more if you accept.

BoskyCat · 17/08/2015 10:00

The man clearly fancies OP (or sees her as a potential conquest anyway), has a series of girlfriends and is clearly on the pull. OP agreeing to to go for lunch, even if she did say it's just as a friend, probably makes him think "wahay I'm in there!". Doreen was pointing this out and saying OP would prob have a nicer experience if she waited for a nicer bloke.

I can totally see a man like this getting a bit shitty when it turns you that yes indeed, OP meant it when she said it wasn't a date and sex isn't on the agenda.

thehypocritesoaf · 17/08/2015 10:01

Something is making you hesitate tho, isn't it op?

Joysmum · 17/08/2015 10:01

I wouldn't want to have anything to do with a man who needs physical boundaries explaining.

stevienickstophat · 17/08/2015 10:03

A 1970s attitude to physical contact?

What, like Jimmy Savile?

Er, no thanks.

AnyFucker · 17/08/2015 12:08

good point, that ^

OP hasn't answered if it's ok for a bloke like this to practice his "1970's attitude to boundary crossing" on teenage girls who would not be in the strong position she is as an experienced women of the world (presumably)

Why would you want to be seen out with a bloke like that ? I would think less of you, and so would others.

pocketsaviour · 17/08/2015 12:14

I think I'd rather spend my lunch hour trimming my toenails. With my teeth.

AnyFucker · 17/08/2015 12:15

how about plucking your eyebrows ? with chopsticks ?

Marshy · 17/08/2015 12:19

boskycat sums it up well.

He touched your bum ffs. Very disrespectful and gives a clear indication of how he views you imo.

If you're ok with that then go ahead.

ChilliAndMint · 17/08/2015 12:19

Absolutely not!

There are so many lovely men in the world . He doesn't even strike me as the sort of man you would want a friendship with. Cancel the date asap.

Isetan · 17/08/2015 13:18

I don't think there is the remotest chance of him expecting sex for desert, or talking about it afterwards.

What makes you so confident of this? He obviously thinks he's popular with the ladies and has boundary issues, it's not such a huge leap to think that in his mind, you're at least good for a car park fumble.

Christ Op, go out with this creep if you want but you've been warned.

tictactoad · 17/08/2015 13:31

He's a player. Go if you want to but he sounds like the sort who could turn nasty at the drop of a hat.

Do you want to spend your evenings at the local getting the evil eye and being the butt of his no doubt 70's style "humour"? Because there's a good chance that's where this is headed.

chippedrippedandstinking · 17/08/2015 13:35

Tictactoad "
He's a player. Go if you want to but he sounds like the sort who could turn nasty at the drop of a hat."

WTF?! Based on what? Crashing misogyny here today!