Should I go to lunch with this man?

[secondchapter]

I was happily married for 25 years and widowed. Although I had a couple of boyfriends whilst at school, have never done the whole dating thing as an adult. I think that I am a terrible flirt; I enjoy talking to men. Anyway, I was in my local pub (real ale bar, quite civilised) and a regular who was quite merry at the time was chatting me up and asking for my number. I resisted giving out my number, saying that it was complicated but I did agree to meet him for lunch near where I work this week. Anyway, am I mad to go? He is quite entertaining, though quite a bit older than me, retired and with a 1970's attitude to physical contact in the pub (which I told him off for) He often has a younger woman on his arm, I know he is divorced. I have made it clear that this is lunch and that I am not ready to be out on the pull.

Go away pink

pink why are you bullying the op? It's entirely her business if she goes to a pub, if she goes for lunch, if she does whatever she chooses to do. Have fun op!

tut tut

Replying to a thread on an open public forum is actually allowed.

No one has the right to tell me or anyone to 'go away'.

The OP asked a question. She has had 7 pages of comments, most telling her she is being a bit silly.

So don't single me out just because I happen to be coming back to her every time she adds more posts.

No one is bullying. If the OP can't tell the difference between posting 'I am terrible AT flirting; I like talking to men' ( though I do wonder why she singles out men as if they are another species) and 'I am a terrible flirt' (meaning- I am always flirting) then she can hardly complain if people misunderstand.

Go away pink, you started with name calling and extrapolating from information I posted to draw conclusions that are unwarranted. I was there, you were not. Stop being mean. I am not going to reply to all your nosy questions on a public forum and out myself, duh.

If you can't write well enough to avoid ambiguity then that's not my fault is it?

People can only comment on what you write. So please don't blame others- or tell them to 'go away' ( MNHQ don't like that being said) if you post things that people take you to task on.

Go away pink. Stop being so patronising and mean. I've never felt so under personal attack on mumsnet before.

for someone who wants another poster to go away you are certainly goading them by keeping coming back and telling them what to do!

If you are so sensitive that you don't want comments to your posts then maybe you ought to think about whether a forum is the best place to ask for comments on your behaviour.

I have not attacked you - personally or otherwise- but I have pointed out how I see your behaviour from what you wrote- just like plenty of others here, so if you insist in singling me out I will report you.

Ah hm (cough) back to original question
Don't go to lunch unless you're serious about getting to know him regarding a serious relationship . If not keep it simple nothing wrong with harmless good or bad flirting in the pub as long as everyone knows the boundaries. You say he's a local if you end up rejecting him it could get awkward bumping into him locally all the time .( he doesn't sound like much of a catch tbh)
Oops not a single comma anywhere I'm shocking at grammar ..hey ho

Every pub has its share of stereotypical characters propping up the bar who provide amusement value for other regulars who lead less meaningless colourful lives.

As it seems you've got your eye on another frequenter of your local, I would suggest you decline the invitation to lunch with the sex pest '70s throwback as you could find yourself judged on the company you keep.

Most rightminded folk would look askance at any woman who willingly put herself within reach of groping hands and it may be that the guy you're hoping to get off with is repulsed by females who aren't repulsed by men such as the one you've described.

@spud Having used one comma in the above I've done slightly better than you but, as my sentences are much longer than yours, you win this round

Cheers ma dears ....not often I'm seen winning

I'm not hoping "to get off" with anyone or even enter into a serious relationship and therefore the fact that sex pest is not a good catch is surely irrelevant. My eye is not on a frequenter of my local, but "someone much more suitable, when I feel ready" which is not for a good while yet as I said and also made clear (I thought) in my OP. He is a good friend of long standing, and I would not put that friendship in jeopardy by making the first move. With regard to sex pest, I guess I was minimising his behaviour which is not good, but as I said previously, when he has been less drunk, we have talked and he has kept his hands to himself. I don't willingly put myself within reach if groping hands, which you would have understood if you had witnessed the exchange. I was not dressed in any way to attract male attention, and anyway, what if I had been? I thought these days women were allowed to dress for themselves and not be disrespected. I was not brought up to be judgemental, as such and thinking about it that did get me into trouble when I was about 18, getting into a car with a much older man who I had known all my life. Reflecting on that, I will not do lunch with this man, and keep him at arms length in the future.

You are a Jilly Cooper character AICM £5.

Nope. Never read Jilly Cooper.

Phew !!! Second chapter .....I'm confused .com

I've changed my mind; you should go, and you should give us live updates on Mumsnet.

12:15 Waitress brought out a bread basket. He asked if I minded him squeezing my baps. What does this mean??
12.20 A younger blonde woman walked in and he snapped his head in her direction so fast that his denture plate came loose.
12:30 Ordering mains. He's having roast chicken. The waitress asked what part of the bird he preferred, and he said "Breast, leg or thigh - I'm easy." Waitress made a face like this How rude!
12:35 Our starters were delivered by a waiter. Wonder what happened to the waitress? Must have been the end of her shift.

Depressing. Remembered why I left mumsnet before. .

Still confused

Well that makes two of us.

Please don't have a romance with someone you don't want touching your bum but did anyway, it can't really improve from there can it

Who said anything about romance? It was to be lunch, but I'm not going. I think it could have been an entertaining lunch. Hasn't anyone here done something stupid when drunk?

Nope! lost me .
However I'm always stupid when drunk

you're getting a whole lot of judging, op.Do what you want to do , do not ask mn for permission and have fun!

I agree with amarni; do exactly what you want to do and enjoy yourself. Life's to short to take things too seriously. When I was single I went out for lunch or for drinks with different men who weren't always my type but it was just fun ( actually sometimes it was boring )as long as you set your boundaries and meet in a public place.

I'm not asking permission really, just wanted a place to think and make my own mind up. I guess I felt uncomfortable with this particular man. I've not been single for any length of time since I was 17. Was with dh for almost 30 very happy years, and I am still in love with him. The world was a very different place when I was 17. There are men that I would not hesitate about meeting up for lunch or a beer, but these are not new people and I feel safe with them.