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Original poster

Should I go to lunch with this man?

174 replies

secondchapter · 16/08/2015 22:40

I was happily married for 25 years and widowed. Although I had a couple of boyfriends whilst at school, have never done the whole dating thing as an adult. I think that I am a terrible flirt; I enjoy talking to men. Anyway, I was in my local pub (real ale bar, quite civilised) and a regular who was quite merry at the time was chatting me up and asking for my number. I resisted giving out my number, saying that it was complicated but I did agree to meet him for lunch near where I work this week. Anyway, am I mad to go? He is quite entertaining, though quite a bit older than me, retired and with a 1970's attitude to physical contact in the pub (which I told him off for) He often has a younger woman on his arm, I know he is divorced. I have made it clear that this is lunch and that I am not ready to be out on the pull.

OP posts:
rouxlebandit · 17/08/2015 13:37

The phrase "1970's attitude to physical contact" is new to me but creased me up! Is that where I went wrong in that decade - not taking advantage? Anyway, although I'm a man, I still have an idea of what kind of man I would be attracted to if I were a woman. Sorry but this 'entertaining' creep with his wandering hands and up his own arse attitude would make me puke. I also love real ale but I don't even like the sound of this pub you frequent. But there again I am a bit of a snob.
I don't know you, OP, but surely you can do better. And I agree: it's not just lunch he has in mind.

AnyFucker · 17/08/2015 13:40

chipped I think you have your terminology a bit muddled

what do you think about men who invade women's personal spaces and touch private areas uninvited ?

do you think turning a blind eye to that sort of behaviour is the correct thing to do ?

AnyFucker · 17/08/2015 13:46

totally agree with you there, roux

WallyBantersJunkBox · 17/08/2015 14:12

I am truly amazed that people have this arse fondling down as a bit of harmless fun...and the young women, blech...

It was a bit of harmless fun 25 years ago when I was running to get a train as an 18 year old girl and some dirty old fecker up in a mezzanine bar shouted across the busy echoing railway station "look at the fucking tits on that", and I heard laughter and felt the staring so bad that I wanted to die Just a bit of banter like this in the 80's that men felt perfectly entitled to share with me on a regular basis that made me feel so dirty I didn't take my shirt off with a partner until I was 30, didn't enjoy my body for myself for 11 years.

Yes it was completely harmless. Thank fuck my beautiful niece feels free and confident to wear whatever she likes in public with no fear of this, simply because women and decent men have said, no...it's not acceptable to behave like this.

My skin is crawling not just at the thought of this man., but at the thought that this behaviour is a bit of harmless fun.

tictactoad · 17/08/2015 14:20

chippedrippedandstinking "Based on what?"

Based on the fact he thinks it's his right to manhandle a woman he barely knows. Arrogant gits can be particularly sensitive flowers where their own image is concerned and hence prone to wanting some sort of revenge if they think they've been slighted or lost face. Not always of course which is why I qualified my comment with 'could' but it doesn't seem to me this particular game is worth the possible candle.

Did you mean misandry by the way?

AnyFucker · 17/08/2015 14:25

I am Spartacus ! < arf >

Jan45 · 17/08/2015 14:26

I wouldn't bother, he's a known womaniser and a known groper - not a good start really.

chippedrippedandstinking · 17/08/2015 14:30

You're right, wrong terminology. But you know what I mean! Wink

AnyFucker · 17/08/2015 14:32

not really

AnyFucker · 17/08/2015 14:34

chipped....how would you describe the majority of respondents on here who think this bloke is a sleazy piece of work not worth OP's time ?

man hating ? hysterical ? frigid ? humourless ?

chippedrippedandstinking · 17/08/2015 14:36

No, and you're trying to put words in my mouth.

AnyFucker · 17/08/2015 14:42

what's our problem then ?

you seem to think we have one

come on, spit it out

men should be allowed to act like this unchallenged, yeah ? And if we speak up against we hate men ?

AnyFucker · 17/08/2015 14:43

against it

chippedrippedandstinking · 17/08/2015 14:51

I really don't have a problem and you seem to be sparring for a row. I'm posting sporadically as I'm also attempting to assemble a trampoline for my kids and the springs keep popping out.

OP as I said, I would go. But then I'm probably more tolerant of behaviour which some of you find abhorrent - and see it probably in the way in which this bloke means it - very old fashioned and silly flirting, rather than anything sinister.

LineyRunner · 17/08/2015 14:55

chipped I thought your previous comment 'WTF!? based on what? Crashing misogyny [sic] on here today' rather in the Sparring For A Fight style tbh.

Marshy · 17/08/2015 14:58

It's not silly flirting to be touching a woman's arse though is it?

AnyFucker · 17/08/2015 15:09

chipped, you have kids right ?

so, this bloke starts feeling your 14yo daughter up

would you be "tolerant" of that ?

this kind of behaviour is grounded in disrespect and ownership of women...and I doubt very much that this man saves his wandering hands for those in a better position to fend them off

AnyFucker · 17/08/2015 15:10

oh, and good luck with the trampoline, they are bastards to assemble

chippedrippedandstinking · 17/08/2015 15:10

LineyRunner fair enough but honest I'm not. I'm gently snorting rather than fuming! Grin

chippedrippedandstinking · 17/08/2015 15:11

Aren't they just? I just think I've sorted it and then the bloody springs pop out again. And meanwhile the kids are circling like sharks...

chippedrippedandstinking · 17/08/2015 15:14

Broken a nail now.Angry

Yes I have kids but the OP isn't 14. Thing is, as I say I'm maybe more tolerant because I was brought up in a wholly male environment, (my Dad is a LOT like Den Perry off Phoenix Nights!) and men absolutely don't scare me or intimidate me. I can recognise unacceptable behaviour for what it is but in my extensive experience, it's not usually hostility, it's pushing the boundary a bit to see wg

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 17/08/2015 15:15

"...quite a bit older than me...He often has a younger woman on his arm..."
So you'll be just another woman he can show off then? I do find it really cringey when old men try their luck with young women and I have to wonder why they do that.

"I have made it clear that this is lunch and that I am not ready to be out on the pull."
There are plenty of men out there who will take that as a challenge. He's already not taken your personal space and boundaries seriously, so why would he take "not on the pull" seriously.

"I wouldn't bother, he's a known womaniser and a known groper - not a good start really."
Sums it up for me.

chippedrippedandstinking · 17/08/2015 15:16

Oops!
...to see what you're up for. Blokes like the OP is describing I find respond very well to a "no no we won't have that behaviour" and call on their manners.

chippedrippedandstinking · 17/08/2015 15:18

i think I'm describing the way a very experienced rugby club barmaid might handle things - as that's what I am!

AnyFucker · 17/08/2015 15:19

that's great for you, chipped, well done

are women who struggle with this kind of unwanted attention just weak then ?