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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What went wrong - why isn't he speaking to me?!

179 replies

haz1602 · 13/08/2015 08:29

Been friends with this guy for nearly 4 years. We are very close. We have recently started seeing each other and were about to go official. I was meant to see him last night and he said yesterday morning that it will be good etc.

Anyway, that was the last text he sent. We usually text all day. He ignored my reply. He ignored several snapchats (we send silly ones back and forth) and then he sent me one of his nephew later on. I replied asking if I will be seeing him, he opened it and never replied. I txted him twice asking if everything was okay and he never replied. He has read them.

I don't know what to do. I'm going out of my mind and feel worried sick. I don't know whether to try contact him again or what or to just leave it be. I am at work and feel like crying :( He has been online all morning, so he is clearly just ignoring me. Like I said, we have been friends for many years and we talk every single day.

OP posts:
Original poster
haz1602 · 13/08/2015 20:35

Sorry I haven't looked at my phone - I'm not texting him :P he has since sent another 2 funny snaps which I haven't replied to and a text saying he's been for a run. He's being very normal.

OP posts:
NoArmaniNoPunani · 13/08/2015 20:35

I was thinking that too music.

Glitteryarse · 13/08/2015 20:37

How do you feel about that haz?

What he has done over the past couple of days is normal is it? He is reeling you back in.

Original poster
haz1602 · 13/08/2015 20:37

music - of course it is! I know his sister.

OP posts:
Glitteryarse · 13/08/2015 20:38

isnt normal

EponasWildDaughter · 13/08/2015 20:38

Haz - Flowers

For the first 2 years when DH and i got together we texted each other an obscene and ridiculous amount of times, day and night, very very intense, and i can only imagine how hurt and confused and lost i would have felt if he'd suddenly gone cold on me as this guy has done with you. So don't feel silly, or childish. He has pulled the rug out from under you emotionally speaking.

I've read the whole thread and dithered back and forth about i'd advise.

Part of me would want to ring him and either rant/rave/cry/shout/swear or all of the above, and at least get off the phone with closure and have the rest of the weekend to begin to heal. I hate game playing, and i HATE stuff hanging around unresolved.

However, if you were my DD (my eldest is 22) i would tell you to take a deep breath, call a friend, tell them whats happened, organise a few outings over the weekend and ignore everything to do with the bastard him. Don't answer any of his texts for the next week at least and consider the relationship over.

Drop him like a hot potato Haz.

toomanyeasterbunnies · 13/08/2015 20:50

Are you sure his nephew is really his nephew? Perhaps he is trying to tell you something?

Flowers
tellmeofthetime · 13/08/2015 20:53

Ignore him like he has done you, then after a couple of days tell him to stop stressing.
Now is the time to show him that you won't be badly treat, if he wants to be with you, you're not messing about.

stepsharp · 13/08/2015 21:12

You can't win this one OP, because whatever games you play, you both know that he's calling the shots.

You don't have it in you to end it, and he knows that, so you just have to wait and see what he decides. Sad

I would love to be wrong.

Knightknight · 13/08/2015 21:19

Collect together your dignity and say, this isn't working for me, I deserve better than this. Goodbye and good luck.

roseyrain · 13/08/2015 21:38

I apologise to the op if I am wrong...

But this sounds very similar to the serial poster, who has posted several threads regarding sleeping with a man who has a 5 or 6 week old baby etc.

I'm wondering if the nephew is his son? If he told her he'd leave his girlfriend to go official... and tye four years of friendship?

Again, I apologise if I am off the mark here

Glitteryarse · 13/08/2015 21:43

rosey I think you might be right although the posting is a little different.

HelsBels3000 · 13/08/2015 21:44

I don't think so rosey none of the particular spelling/grammatical tells

roseyrain · 13/08/2015 21:49

I could be wrong, although maybe she's being a bit more careful.

Just seems very similar

stepsharp · 13/08/2015 22:07

Oh no. Perhaps the pictures of the baby are to remind her why this isn't happening. Sorry if we're wrong OP.

Original poster
haz1602 · 13/08/2015 22:24

It is definetly his nephew!

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 13/08/2015 22:27

So sorry he's dicking you about.

Fwiw, it sounds like he wants you to break up with him or he is getting ready to split with you.

Stay strong and give your friends a call. Your real friends- not this idiot.

UnbelievableBollocks · 13/08/2015 22:40

What a dick.
I know you'll go running when he clicks his fingers, but he's a dick for the way he's been the last few days and you can't win.
If you don't jump, he'll make out like you're being unreasonable and overacting, when actually it's him who's been a dick. If you do jump, he knows he can act like a dick and get away with it.

I know the way of the world is to conduct relationships at arms length via snaps and texts, but it's MUCH harder to act like a dick and ignore someone when you're actually talking to them.

I know he's a friend. I know you've said the L word, but for the love of self esteem, park it up and move on.

This won't be the first friends-into-something-more relationship where someone has had cold feet than been a dick about it and it won't be the last. Just remember how SHIT he's made you feel over the last few days then decide if someone who actually did love you would be happy to make you feel that shit. (If you think they would, you've got more problems than we can solve.)

sanityforlunch · 13/08/2015 23:02

Why is he sending you pics and videos of his nephew? How old is the baby? Does he live with the baby?

lavenderhoney · 13/08/2015 23:03

Young or older, dating problems are all the same. Bloke promises the earth. Bloke fucks off. It would take seconds for him to text you.

Ignore him. As I said before, he knows what he is doing. Some really terrible things have happened to me, and others, and I can tell you, we sent a " nit now" message. Nowadays it's easier to communicate. I guess you hate your phone right now.

I hope you have plans for the weekend. Real ones, and is there a trip you can do? Have you any spare money? Pick a city or a place and go there. Use meet up. Or stay home and make like a tourist. Ignore him. It's hard because he's a friend - but right now he's not. Seriously? The guys an ass.

GreenTee · 13/08/2015 23:08

I agree with unbelievable - you show all the signs that the moment he clicks his fingers, you will go running back. Please don't.

He has had zero regards for you for the past 24-48 hours. He is now being unreasonable and disrespectful to tell you that you're stressing him out.
This is all before the relationship was made 'official'. Do you really want a man like this OP? He's playing mind games and it's so childish. You said you're mid twenties... do you really see yourself settling with someone that can go so cold so quickly?

If you go running back, this won't be the last time, believe me.

Thanks
ChilliAndMint · 13/08/2015 23:18

He's blocked you. Grow a thick skin, I have. His loss.

Lilylonglegs · 13/08/2015 23:27

Has anyone thought that maybe the OP is just stressing him out? Ok so they text constantly other days, does that mean you have to be texting every minute EVERY DAY, especially if you have a job. Perhaps after he didn't reply immediately to he first text and the OP started "harassing" him he was put off. I know I would be. Perhaps the constant texting is getting in the way of work and he is just slowing it down a bit.

I think a lot of the advice is overreactions to something that isn't that serious.

MysteryMan1 · 13/08/2015 23:29

Lily, see your point but I just think he is a tool. Had her for sex, maybe a bit bored and looking for the next conquest.

pictish · 13/08/2015 23:31

I suspect that's the case too. That he's still sending pics/blether about nothing says he has no idea OP is in a fankle over his lack of contact and that it probably wasn't intentional.