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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What went wrong - why isn't he speaking to me?!

179 replies

haz1602 · 13/08/2015 08:29

Been friends with this guy for nearly 4 years. We are very close. We have recently started seeing each other and were about to go official. I was meant to see him last night and he said yesterday morning that it will be good etc.

Anyway, that was the last text he sent. We usually text all day. He ignored my reply. He ignored several snapchats (we send silly ones back and forth) and then he sent me one of his nephew later on. I replied asking if I will be seeing him, he opened it and never replied. I txted him twice asking if everything was okay and he never replied. He has read them.

I don't know what to do. I'm going out of my mind and feel worried sick. I don't know whether to try contact him again or what or to just leave it be. I am at work and feel like crying :( He has been online all morning, so he is clearly just ignoring me. Like I said, we have been friends for many years and we talk every single day.

OP posts:
NickiFury · 13/08/2015 10:11

If you want this idiot and I really don't know why you would, you need to sever all contact now. Can you block him so he can't see you on line, I don't snap chat, is it like Whatsapp? People like this tend to come running back when they realise you're not hanging around for them. Then you can dump him.

Nevergoingtolearn · 13/08/2015 10:13

I have experienced this several times ( not with someone I have known for such a long time though ), it hurts Sad, sadly it seems he has had cold feet, changed his mind or he is seeing someone else, whichever it is you need to stop checking when he is online and stop messaging him, if he is serious about you he will contact you, if not then he's just a c@nt and you deserve better.

stepsharp · 13/08/2015 10:15

Not sure what "away with friends tomorrow night" means, but perhaps he doesn't want to be official until after that, just in case he gets up to anything. He's just stalling.

Original poster
haz1602 · 13/08/2015 10:15

I could block him on Whatsapp but then he wouldn't be able to contact me and I want to know wtf is going on. I won't text him again now. He is away tomorrow night with friends so I won't bother him. If he hasn't got in touch by Sunday I may send a text asking to let me know what is happening, surely I deserve that at least.

Like i said, I hope I am overreacting. It has bothered me that all he said was "worried about what?" and hasn't responded since. I feel absolutely gutted. He's been part of my life for 4 years and to think that it might be over is awful as we were really good friends. Nothing I can do :(

thanks for the replies.

OP posts:
Original poster
haz1602 · 13/08/2015 10:17

He's at a sports event tomorrow night - he goes all the time so it's nothing about wanting to be single for it etc he's just going to watch and have a few drinks but not a night out etc. I just don't want to bother him whilst he is with friends.

I don't understand how he can have cold feet. He was working away all weekend and monday/tuesday and saying he misses me loads etc and that is why we meant to see each other last night. Sorry to go on but I'm heartbroken.

OP posts:
FenellaFellorick · 13/08/2015 10:18

Sounds like the fun was in getting you, not having you. Some people are like that.

Sorry but it sounds like he doesn't want to have the relationship with you after all and he is being an utter coward about it.

The best thing to do is to stop checking whether he's on line, stop contacting him, stop basically begging him.

If he had anything about him at all, he'd be honest with you, not dodge you and play dumb.

pictish · 13/08/2015 10:18

Then there's nothing for you to do but distract yourself for now. I wouldn't block him (yet) as that seems extreme when you don't really know what's going on.
Sorry I can appreciate your guts must be churning. If there's an issue, he's fucker to string it out like this.

LaurieFairyCake · 13/08/2015 10:19

He's either:

  1. Playing games. So obviously you're better off without him.
  1. Dumped you. Callously and in a couldnt be fucked to explain it way. So obviously you're better off without him.
  1. Having some major trauma. Really fucking unlikely since he's online texting others all the time. So obviously you're better off without him.

The only way to get this sad loser game playing twat back (and who would want to?) is to ignore him for days until he contacts you - whereupon he will make an excuse/pretend nothing has happened and be all over you like a syphilitic rash until the whole sorry cycle starts again.

You've been warned. Go looking for an actual man instead of this twat.

ImperialBlether · 13/08/2015 10:20

Step away from your phone.

Even if he comes back and apologises, saying whatever, he's in A&E, whatever, then ignore it. He could have responded at any time, that's clear. If he's sending WhatsApp whatevertheyares to someone else, he has had the opportunity to write to you.

I think we've all known teenage boys who've done this sort of thing; he's too old to do it. Whatever he comes up with now, I would be totally put off him.

sammasati · 13/08/2015 10:23

Op this man does not respect you, why would you want to be with such a person?

pictish · 13/08/2015 10:24

Another thing I hate about texting is that you can have settings that can tell you when the person you have messaged has opened your text. I don't have that setting on, just the delivery report. The 'read' function seems intrusive and antagonistic to me, with no other purpose other than to heighten pressure for both parties.

Texting is very handy for cutting out the small talk, making arrangements etc. It's crap for personal stuff.

The5DayChicken · 13/08/2015 10:29

Do yourself a favour and turn your phone's internet off. He can still text or call if it's urgent but it stops you from basically cyber stalking him.

It doesn't actually sound to me like he'd gone quiet for long before you started worrying...which could be why he doesn't know what you're worried about. He could be online chatting to a friend who's having a crisis...there're loads of innocent explanations but the more you mither, the less likely he'll want to stay with you after.

The texting all day thing is lovely most of the time...until it starts interfering with a person trying to do something else. Then it becomes suffocating.

thehypocritesoaf · 13/08/2015 10:33

Meh, there are no innocent explanations. The guy doesn't care. (sorry op)

Knightknight · 13/08/2015 10:36

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

The5DayChicken · 13/08/2015 10:39

He sent her a snap chat last night and has messaged her back now. As far as time awake is concerned, it's only been a few hours between the two. Not acceptable in a marriage but OP and this guy aren't even official yet so he should be able to go half a day not speaking to her without being cyber stalked.

Original poster
haz1602 · 13/08/2015 10:40

He had got my hopes up and was so excited for the next few weeks :( How can someone go from saying they missed you so much to just blanking me?

OP posts:
Original poster
haz1602 · 13/08/2015 10:42

The5DayChicken - it's only because we text back and forth constantly that I am being this way. I snapped him last night asking if I would be seeing him, he ignored it. I have asked him if he is okay and he ignored it. The longest we have gone without speaking ever is just a few days. It's only because of this that I am worried - if we only spoke now and again then it would be normal :(

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 13/08/2015 10:45

Whatever you do now, don't feed his self-esteem by continuing to contact him. If and when he does contact you, leave it the same length of time before you answer him. He is used to having you there where he wants you (sorry if that sounds cruel) and whether you continue to see him or not, he needs to know that you're not just there at his convenience.

sticklebrickstickle · 13/08/2015 10:46

I think you're over-reacting. It's only been half a day since he last text/ snapchatted and presumably he was asleep for some of that.

He might just be busy or have other things on his mind than contacting you every few minutes? If he hadn't been in touch by this evening when you were meant to meet then by all means start to panic but I think it is a major overreaction to start getting upset and thinking the worse after just a few hours where contact is less than usual.

YouBastardSockBalls · 13/08/2015 10:46

Ignoring someone like this is just so cruel.

Take it as a lucky escape, he sounds like a twat.

The5DayChicken · 13/08/2015 10:46

Oh I understand that OP, I just don't think that checking he's online and messaging him etc is doing you any favours.

Either he's lost interest or he's dealing with something or other (which on the short time frame isn't out of the realms of possibility). But in either circumstance, getting this needy about it isn't helping you.

Diagonally · 13/08/2015 10:47

5day the guy stood OP up last night on their first planned meet up since agreeing to become official gf/bf.

She texted him last night saying she was worried - if course he farking well knows why!

As I said, he's bottled it.

I'm sorry OP but do try & find some things to distract yourself for a bit Thanks

thehypocritesoaf · 13/08/2015 10:47

If you make an arrangement to meet someone, then you don't just ignore them. If that person asks what's wrong, you don't just ignore them. If that person says they are worried, you can't be arsed to reassure them?

Sounds like a great BF. Not.

Sorry op. Over the years you've been friends, how have you seen him treat other GF's?

Original poster
haz1602 · 13/08/2015 10:51

He knows how excited I was to see him too :( I have finally burst and started to cry ffs. I won't message him again even though it is killing me. I will see if he replies today. If he wants to end it then he may wait until I am home from work (how considerate).

OP posts:
The5DayChicken · 13/08/2015 10:51

He didn't stand her up...OP was supposed to be going to him.