Help! My dad's gone missing

[Cheeseandwinegirl]

Hi all, I'm hoping someone can help.

My mum just called and said my dad has gone missing. He left home yesterday afternoon while she was out, he didn't take his phone or wallet but she has found the safe has been emptied which had around 1k in there.

She thinks he only took the clothes he is wearing, he took the car.

He hasn't turned up today and I'm trying to help her with what to do.

I've told her to go through his Internet history and his phone, also check if anything else is missing at home and keep an eye on the bank accounts - she sorts all banking.

If that comes up with nothing I've advised her to call his best friend (lives about 50 miles away so can't pop in).

My dad is 62 in good health with as far as I'm aware bo financial worries, mum said he had been able moody of late but nothing out of the ordinary as it's harvest time, it's also just a moody sod at the best of times!

Is there anything else I've missed or anything else we can do? I've said to inform the police if he isn't back in 24 hours.

We don't know enough about the situation to make judgements.

I really hope things will make more sense soon.

My mum has mental health issues (bipolar) which flare up from time to time. What she needs from me depends on how she is - sometimes it is tough love, sometimes just listening, sometimes physically bundling her into the car and taking her to her psychiatrist, sometimes a few days or weeks of no contact if she is particularly manic, sometimes just a shoulder to cry on.

So my advice would be to see how your dad is, see what he needs, and respond accordingly. But I am sure you know all of this through helping your boyfriend.

Taking off on your family like this is not normal and to me indicates that he will need some proper medical (mental health) help.

Sorry to hear about the situation with your boyfriend though - don't know what is happening there but be careful with you yourself - you are dealing with a LOT right now with your parents, your relationship and your new job.

First of all op I want to tell you that I think you are doing so tremendously well in what are very difficult (understatement) circumstances. You have a lot on your plate (understatement number 2) and I hope you have some support / someone to talk to as well.

I think your dad is doing what a lot of older British people (men in particular) do. Avoid the issue. Running away is the obvious example. Now coming to you too. Clearly he has stuff going on that he's struggling to cope with. What that is I don't know. But you might need to brace yourself for any eventuality

You sound string and sensible and kind and you can do this

Strong. Not string. Gah!

Take care, cheese.

I'd be careful about keeping confidences from your mother that your father might share. It isn't fair for him to ask you too, if he does of course, but it made me think of it when I read other posters comments about taking sides.

Im sorry you're having your own relationship difficulties. Don't be hard on yourself if you need space for yourself.

I hope your DF has arrived safely now cheese. Just take things one step at a time and make sure you look after your self too.

If your DF is very poorly (which sounds like he could be) then you don't have to deal with this alone.

Please don't feel you've got to fix this. And most especially that you have got to fix it all tonight, when you're starting a new job tomorrow, on top of your other relationship traumas.

I can't help but feel he is punishing your mum (again) for speaking her mind, by leaving her all alone (again) - although at least this time she knows where he is. Offer him practical support (food, a place to sleep) but this sounds way too heavy for you to be shouldering it all alone.

I agree with the confidences thing.

I would make it clear that I would not be keeping secrets from anyone especially if I felt it would help someone deal with the situation such as your Mum knowing what is going on in your dads head, or a mental health professional.

Glad he has made an appearance and is safe. No more worrying for you or your mother now which is good.
Talking will help him too, try to be sympathetic and see his side.

Easy for me to say - but this is what I would do in your position before giving him the third degree for leaving his wife in such state!

Hope the new job is going well and your parents are sorting things out.

FIL went AWOL for 6 weeks some years ago, came back as if nothing had happened but he was never the same again.

Any news op? Hope he's safe x

Hope all is going a bit better

How are you doing OP?