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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help! My dad's gone missing

214 replies

Cheeseandwinegirl · 11/08/2015 08:24

Hi all, I'm hoping someone can help.

My mum just called and said my dad has gone missing. He left home yesterday afternoon while she was out, he didn't take his phone or wallet but she has found the safe has been emptied which had around 1k in there.

She thinks he only took the clothes he is wearing, he took the car.

He hasn't turned up today and I'm trying to help her with what to do.

I've told her to go through his Internet history and his phone, also check if anything else is missing at home and keep an eye on the bank accounts - she sorts all banking.

If that comes up with nothing I've advised her to call his best friend (lives about 50 miles away so can't pop in).

My dad is 62 in good health with as far as I'm aware bo financial worries, mum said he had been able moody of late but nothing out of the ordinary as it's harvest time, it's also just a moody sod at the best of times!

Is there anything else I've missed or anything else we can do? I've said to inform the police if he isn't back in 24 hours.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 11/08/2015 17:17

Stuff the washing up! (Unless it would be soothing for you to do it. Wink)

Does he, as many farmers do, have a shotgun licence? I would have thought that the police might - if they're a tight force - be more than a little interested in that, I'm afraid.

tribpot · 11/08/2015 17:22

I wouldn't describe his behaviour towards my mum as controlling

But your mum did - in the argument that seems to have precipitated this. Now that he is known to be safe, I would focus more on your mum and how she is doing. This does strike me as a controlling act.

Original poster
Cheeseandwinegirl · 11/08/2015 18:03

Hi guys just to letyou know he's not home and no further contact. The police are going to be monitoring the car until he comes home. I'm logging off for the night. Thank you for all the kind words today, hopefully he's home soon.

OP posts:
DeckSwabber · 11/08/2015 18:25

There are lots of reasons people go missing and it can be harder to walk back in through the door than it was to leave.

I hope you get better news soon Cheeseandwine.

In the meantime its wise not to speculate too much and just to focus on getting through the next bit.

Don't forget Missing People is open 24/7 if you or your mum need to talk about it with someone. Tel 116 000.

Mmbop · 11/08/2015 18:38

Cheeseandwine you know him best then and that sounds really hard. All you can do is be there for your mum now and work out how to be there for your dad later. Don't forget to look after yourself too. Will keep my fingers crossed for you tonight Brew

Toooldtobearsed · 11/08/2015 20:04

Nice post, and I agree Deck

Take care of yourself Cheese hope things look brighter in the morning.

Ohbollocksandballs · 11/08/2015 20:08

Take care cheese Flowers

cashewnutty · 11/08/2015 21:49

I hope he shows up soon. Take care.

linspins · 12/08/2015 13:23

Any further news? Xx

Croatianmum · 12/08/2015 13:48

I hope everything is ok! Any news?

headlesslambrini · 12/08/2015 19:13

Any news yet?

RattleAndRoll · 12/08/2015 20:57

Hope you've had some more news x

AlpacaMyBags · 12/08/2015 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Cheeseandwinegirl · 12/08/2015 21:19

Hi all, unfortunately no news yet. I came up to see mum today and will stay here for the timebeing. She had another text today saying 'safe' sent from a payphone, so looks like he's doing his best not to be found!

The police are on the case and treating the disappearance as medium risk. However we should be able to track the car soon using an inbuilt tracker put in by the manufacturer, so we'll be able to find out where he is!

Probably won't post much whilst I'm up here but fingers crossed he'll be back soon, thank you to anyone showing concern x

OP posts:
twirlypoo · 12/08/2015 21:21

Ive just seen this - I am so sorry for you and your mum to be going through this. I hope he is home soon Thanks

tribpot · 12/08/2015 22:02

Sorry you've not heard more but at least you have a strong suspicion he is safe; if he doesn't want to come home that's his choice. Hopefully the tracker will allow the police to locate him and have a proper conversation.

Original poster
Cheeseandwinegirl · 12/08/2015 23:05

Mum's gone to bed but I can't sleep. Any noise I jump and look out the window for a car. It's really eerie being home when you've no idea where he is. As time goes by your mind races. The police haven't tracked the car since yesterday either.

I've got a new job I'm meant to be starting on Monday which is adding to the stress; what if he isn't back by then? I need to call them tomorrow to confirm the details for Monday morning but really don't want to think about starting this job until I know everything is fine here. Even if he does come back before then itsclear something isn't right and I don't want to leave mum or dad alone to deal with that.

I know I shouldn't be posting my problems on an online forum but this is bloody stressful!

OP posts:
DrElizabethPlimpton · 12/08/2015 23:10

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can empathise a little. My father has gone missing a number of times - due to dementia which is obviously different - but the worry and trauma is similar.
I do hope you have good news very soon. Flowers

QueenBitchFromHell · 12/08/2015 23:12

I'm glad he is letting her know he is safe.

I understand you are worried about the job..Let's put things in perspective though tomoro is only Thursday so you still have four days. Chances are he will be back by then. If not, you do need to go to start your new job. Could your mum come with you to your's or will she need to stay for the farm?

Original poster
Cheeseandwinegirl · 12/08/2015 23:17

Thanks Dr. I hope so too. I've spent this evening looking through his desk and computer looking for anything to explain where he might be. The police have already been through his computer and taken away his diary (although they couldn't find anything).

In happier thoughts my mums dogs gave me lovely cuddles earlier. Dogs are bloody brilliant.

OP posts:
LuluJakey1 · 12/08/2015 23:40

How worrying for your mum and you. Hope you have better news tomorrow.
Your mum must be worried but really angry with him as well- you probably feel the same way. He must know you will both really worry about him.

Bogeyface · 13/08/2015 00:07

I know I shouldn't be posting my problems on an online forum but this is bloody stressful!

Frankly, I cant think of anywhere better. You can rant without judgement or being shouted down. You can read the responses when you are ready and walk away when you want to without feeling rude or making excuses.

Rant away.

As for the job, my instinct is telling me that tomorrow would be a good day to talk to them. You could contact the person who hired you, explain the situation and ask if you could renegotiate the start date based on your fathers disappearance. Better that than having to sneak off to take/make calls in your first week on the job, or not being fully engaged in what you need to learn because you are worried.

DeckSwabber · 13/08/2015 09:24

Thinking of you.Flowers.

If I was you I would tell your new employer what is happening just in case you find yourself needed at home next week. Don't let the new job be an added stress.

MrsFrankRicard · 13/08/2015 10:13

Agree with above advice about your new job, I would let them know the situation. I really hope your dad is back soon. Flowers

shovetheholly · 13/08/2015 13:42

Thinking of you and your Mum Flowers. Good advice, above, about the job. I think any reasonable person would move the start date in the circumstances.

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