Help! My dad's gone missing

[Cheeseandwinegirl]

Hi all, I'm hoping someone can help.

My mum just called and said my dad has gone missing. He left home yesterday afternoon while she was out, he didn't take his phone or wallet but she has found the safe has been emptied which had around 1k in there.

She thinks he only took the clothes he is wearing, he took the car.

He hasn't turned up today and I'm trying to help her with what to do.

I've told her to go through his Internet history and his phone, also check if anything else is missing at home and keep an eye on the bank accounts - she sorts all banking.

If that comes up with nothing I've advised her to call his best friend (lives about 50 miles away so can't pop in).

My dad is 62 in good health with as far as I'm aware bo financial worries, mum said he had been able moody of late but nothing out of the ordinary as it's harvest time, it's also just a moody sod at the best of times!

Is there anything else I've missed or anything else we can do? I've said to inform the police if he isn't back in 24 hours.

Good luck. There will doubtless be people here if you want to talk later on.

Didn't want to just read and run. You're doing brill OP dealing with this. Hoping we hear good news from you soon x

Hope it all turns out ok OP

Hope he turns up soon. Farming can be a horribly lonely profession so I was relieved to hear there are other partners and that he's taken cash.

What a cruel thing to do to you and your mother. I hope he turns up soon suitably contrite

Thinking of you OP, it must be very hard not knowing what his reasoning is and so sort of being in limbo. Hope things get better for you quickly

Hope he turns up soon with a good explanation! What a worry for your mum and you.

Thinking of you and your mum and hoping you get some good news soon.

We have news! He's not home but whilst the police came round to see my mum she got a text from a payphone that said 'safe'. The police have also clocked the car driving around about 4 hours away from home.

We don't know why he's in that part of the country (no connection that we can think of) or when he is coming home. She's had no further communication.

All we can hope is that he is OK (I'm still angry at him though).

I feel a little less worried but the not knowing why he has gone or when he is back is bloody awful.

That's a relief to know he's well and safe OP - let's just hope he comes back soon and has some sort of explanation for this.

Well that is good news but very strange. Do keep us updated. x

Phew! Confession: I've been obsessively and anxiously checking this thread, hoping there would be good news. It's really great that he has been in touch, and that he's safe. I'm so glad.

I think it's odd - when you know someone is OK, you start to get angry about the fact that they have been gone! I guess it's a reaction to the horrible uncertainty and fear.

From what you've said, OP, your Dad is quite reticent and finds it hard to talk about things, so maybe this is his way of coping 'by himself' with stress? It's not very healthy, and places a huge and unfair burden on you and your mother, so important that he realises the impact and finds a better way of coping! Maybe he needs a giant stress ball or something!!?

Good news he is okay Cheese, hope for you and your mum's sake there is an explanation.

I think I'd hug him and bloody kill him in equal measures.

How did he know your mum's mobile number? Did the police give it to him?

Oh good, so he's safe. Still an arse, but a safe arse. to you and your mum.

How bloody odd though. Glad he's safe but I'd want to wring his neck!

I'd be absolutely furious if I was your mother!

He knows her mobile number (they are 1 number different). The police haven't been in touch with him and I don't know if he's aware he's been registered as a missing person. We just hope will be back soon and we can find out what's going on.

That's something at any rate - although that text rather implies that he's expected her to be worried so knew what he was up to ..........

How is your mum?

Mum is worried but happier now she knows he's not in a ditch somewhere. We just want him to come home though, find out what's going on. It's not time to relax just yet.

It isn't fair on her for him to dissappear and me and her are both angry. I can understand someone needing to get away, but this isn't the way to do things.

He sounds very controlling. I'm so sorry cheese.

He waits 24 hours then dramatically sends a "safe" text.

I hope your mum is okay and I would also be going to her if able. Take care.

It's going to be interesting when the police speak to him because I'm pretty sure they'll want to having registered him as an MP and done some work on the matter.

It must be horrible not understanding why this has happened OP.
Obviously we don't know your situation, but if this happened to me totally out of the blue I would jump between two conclusions. I'd worry that it was a reaction to some sort of breakdown or depression I hadn't known about and he just needed to get away from it all, in which case if be very worried although pissed off that he didn't talk to me, or secondly that he went off to 'teach me a lesson' in which case I'd be furious, see it as controlling, I'd also consider taking the money from the safe theft as it's both of our money. My brain is bouncing between the two just reading the thread so I can't imagine how it must feel being you or your poor mum. I'm so sorry and hope you're looking after yourself as well.

Hi mmbop, I think you're right. Knowing him I'd say as this issue out of character there's something going on with him and his mental health. He's suffered with anger management issues before and about 10 years ago had a lot of counselling which actually really helped things at home. He's naturally someone you'd describe as pessimistic, and I wouldn't describe his behaviour towards my mum as controlling although I understand this incident doesn't paint a great picture of him!

In my heart of hearts I don't think this is to do with my mum. I think he might be struggling with many things; managing the handover of the farm, dealing with getting older etc, etc. He's usually walking round like a black cloud is over his head this time of year anyway.

Right now however I just want to be there for my mum. She's got a friend coming round and so has asked me not to go tonight but that may change tomorrow. I don't know what's going on with the police right now, as he's made contact and to some degrees said he's Ok I doubt they will want do much as technically as an adult he can make himself scarce if he so wishes.

My partner is also currently suffering badly from his mental health too (he's just had his meds doubled and is being fast tracked through to see a psychologist) so it's bloody fun and games right now!

I still haven't done the washing up either.

Glad he's safe. What an exhausting, worrying time for you all.

Were the past general "anger management issues" or that he was emotionally abusive towards your mum?