H left kids on my doorstep knowing I wasn't in

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I don't even know how to begin but I'm still fuming almost 3 nights later.
I started a thread last week struggling to get through the days since I split from my husband 7 weeks ago after discovering his affair.
Here is the link www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2440840-6-weeks-since-Ive-discovered-his-cheating-how-do-I-go-on
So the next day he turned up almost 3 hours late picking the girls up. Initially I wanted to give in and not meet with him for a meal as I just couldn't trust that he will keep it up.
He messaged me again after picking them up apologised for being late and numerous excuses and asked for one more chance to meet us later for that meal to show the girls we can get along.
We went to one of the girls favourite places as their is a park they can play at. For everyone else we probably looked like a normal couple. It was so hard I really struggled but I could see my babies were having fun and I persevered. We "chatted" about he girls and DD1's current body changes at age 7. Discovered she had hair under her arms and not sure what exactly I need to do to remove as being mixed race especially I didn't want her to have dark underarm pits like mine from shaving since age 12.
After our meal they wanted to go to the bigger side of the park to have a proper play. I stayed for 40 mins and said my goodbyes to them to start my walk back to my house to get changed to go to the gym.
He was fully aware of my plans as I mentioned it to him the night before and at the time that I kissed them goodbye.
Walked home quickly got changed and left. I then got a call from him to tell me to turn around and collect the girls from the house. I was a little confused and asked him what he meant and he said he has plans tonight and I have to turn around as they are all at the house but he is on his way to his new place. I of course thought he was just joking and demanded he put them on the phone or I walk to his work and embarrassed him. He just said "Oh well Social Services win" I stopped someone in the road to confirm with him on the phone that I wasn't near the house and asked him to put my kids oh the phone. He works not very far from the house.
In total I was away from the house almost 20 minutes by then. I then got a text message from my neighbour/friend who has kids similar ages telling me that she has my girls and she wasn't 100% sure what's happened but it seems like he left them on my doorstep.

I was of course fuming by then. When I got to hers she explained that they were on their way out for her sons swimming lessons and she was just upstairs when the doorbell went and DD1 aged 7 was still crying telling them that her dad dropped her off at the house and drove off. She asked DD2 age 4 to stay by the house whilst she crossed the road to see if neighbour was back from the their holiday.
Our houses are terraced houses with our front door almost on the road. Steps up to the front door. The opposite side of the road is different and friend isn't immediate neighbour she is 100yards down the road with her own garage and front door on the side meaning you can't see her door. She needs to stand on the pavement to see mine. So for that time my DD2 would have been totally on her own in floods of tears whilst DD1 went looking for help. Friend said that she was just stood crying by the door and they took her and rest of the bags to their house. Her husband waited around for a bit to see if H was coming back at all or hovering around to see if they were safe or for that matter if I came back. He of course didn't.
My first instinct is to protect my kids and therefore not ever send them to their dads again. I am not sure f phoning the police or Social Services would have disrupted their lives even more and I genuinely don't think I could have dealt with that as well. Have I done the right thing? Will this come back to me because I didn't contact the authorities.
He never called even after to make sure I had the girls. He sent a message 24hrs later "So what happens now? When can I see my girls?" I of course told him to fuck off.
I genuinely thought he would at least want to make things as simple and stress free for the kids as possible.

Being friends with him isn't for the kids benefit it's for his.

By showing that you get along great as friends convinces him that he hasn't done anything wrong. It's also luring you into a false sense of security and the fall from this is much higher. He will always let you down for his own needs.

My ex tries to do this and it's always because he wants something. He never gives without taking. It's all mind games.

When I told my psychologist I was making him coffee at my house she flipped on me. When men have this narcissistic and selfish type of personality and potential to abuse your trust and mental health you don't open a crack of light onto your world, your state of mind or your weaknesses.

You remain civil and polite but distant. It's the only way forward op. You owe him nothing and it's up to him to create the right feelings of live and respect from his daughters now, not you.

The dumping of the kids is not only dangerous but abusive to all of you, not just the kids. Your freedom is already at risk when you know you can't leave the house further than a few miles in case this happens again, isn't it?

Disengage and definitely log this incident and fix visitation times and log those too. I hope your daughters are ok.

Yes don't threaten to turn up at work.

You need to be the mature adult in all this

I agree that you need to log it with the authorities - your neighbours might well have already reported anyway, but your prime concern needs to be your children's safety. Your husband has proved that he will put them in danger to get at you, and he will twist the truth to punish you. Going via your health visitor might be a good first port of call, but I think it would be worth ringing the police via 101 as well. Your ex might think twice about putting your children in danger again if an officer has spoken to him.

Log it with ss and get the neighbours to back you up then seek legal advice.

Tell SS and police; ask police to take statement from neighbours. This may be a criminal offence but you certainly need it logged as it will come up in residency discussions.

www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

Here - I think it would count.

Your poor DDs, no wonder you are furious. I agree with PP who say you need to report it. Not doing so makes it look like you were complicit if somebody has already reported it. Obviously you weren't, but the police and SS may question why you didn't report it yourself if they are already aware.
Not only that, but reporting it will help you keep your DDs safe from him in future and may help arrange supervised contact from now on. I agree with PP who say that you need to cease all contact now. Instruct a solicitor and tell him you can only be contacted via them now.

You have got to get this recorded, otherwise you will not be able to control access to them based on what you know about how irresponsible he is. It will be your word against his and you will be powerless.

You know, I've read a lot of things on here that have shocked me, but I'm particularly horrified by this. What sort of callous bastard leaves their little girls alone, frightened and unsafe like that?

Please report him, OP, and don't allow him unsupervised access again. Your daughters aren't safe with him.

He really shouldn't be allowed unsupervised access with your daughters anymore, he can't be trusted to keep them safe .

I know nothing about reporting to SS/the police etc and 'logging' incidents. Many other posters seem to know more than me, however I'd have thought that this incident sounds serious enough for SS to be concerned. After all, he abandoned two young children practically on the road, when he knew that you were nowhere nearby. That's worse than being a bit of a crap dad. That's child endangerment.

He can't be trusted with unsupervised contact, it's that simple. It's got nothing to do with any ones feelings at this point and just down to a sheer safty issue. Your children need to be safe and they wasn't.

I wouldn't care of he kicked off about SS (even though he was baiting you for it) he left your kids alone in the street. He abandoned them. What if your phone was off? What if the neighbours wasn't in? What if it started chucking it down ?

A loving father would never do that to his kids. He did it purely because he wanted to let you know he still controls the situation.

I would speak to SS about what has happened and that both him and his parents keep threatening you with SS if you do not comply with their demands. At the very least it will put your mind at rest as to what SS think about your situation.

As for him I would stop him and his family seeing your DD's until you have legal advice. As at the moment he is more intent in controlling you then it is about seeing and having a relationship with your dd's.

No unsupervised access ever. He can't be trusted to keep them safe. Not sure re logging incident but this can't be repeated. Very stressful op

"A loving father would never do that to his kids. He did it purely because he wanted to let you know he still controls the situation."

This, absolutely. He did it so you had to stop what you were doing and come back, because you are a responsible parent and he fucking well isn't - but he knows you are, so he forced you to do what he wanted again.

God I wish I could get some of these "men" into a room and give them a good kicking!

What an absolute bastard. He obviously got a 'better' offer last minute and decided he could do as he liked and take zero responsibility as he knows he can fall back on you. I would deffinately get this logged, let the police put the frighteners on him. Those children are only a year older then my 2 and I'd have been seething. He's selfish and doesn't deserve them. He needs to learn he can't do as he likes and the meaning of consequences

Good luck op, he sounds a bit like my ex. Whwn they cba they pull silly stunts so they can do as they like. Some parents are just awful

Thanks you everyone for your replies. I spoke to my friend and she said she is willing to talk to whoever wants her to confirm i.e. Police. SS. She has exact same aged kids as mine her son is in DD1's class and DD2 will start with her DD on reception so both her and her husband was in complete shock by this.
I will phone cab first and then the 101 number. He also just emailed to ask when he can see them and when they can come for their sleep over. I will ignore it and not respond to anything. X

How do you know that he won't abandon your kids in town or at the park or at the shops? What he did is not ok and could easily lead to more events

Good plan to ignore until you've spoken to someone about this. Of course he can't have them for a sleepover just now - chances are he'd put them to bed and fuck off out to the pub!

As well as logging this with the relevant people, you need to speak to a solicitor fast, I think, to get some advice on how to deal with the restrictions on supervision and contact.

What the hell happens to some men that they think abandoning their children on a doorstep is a good parenting move.

It's like he just doesn't give a F!

i don't have the words!!! Contact a solicitor ASAP, social services absolutely contact them. He is a manipulative bastard, he has done you a favour by leaving thats for sure. How could he leave a 4yo on the street? bastard bastard bastard.

That is truly shocking. Your poor girls. I can only imagine your panic in getting that phone call and being far from your children.
He isn't fit to call himself an adult let alone a father.
I hope you get it sorted so you don't have to give your precious kids to this idiot for access.

People are right about logging it with SS and police...I can tell you CAfcass had details of when professionals had questioned access with my ex.. despite they said they had no issues, police issues also went to CAFCASS..

Whoever said you need to play the long game is right... Telling him to fuck off, threatening work is also seen as you participating in game playing.

You need to make sure any communication you have is reasonable. You need to be none threatening..No meals out pretending to be happy families..Firstly it is not helpful to the children as they have to accept you are 2 separate parents , secondly it is about controlling you.

Can I say you have every right to be angry but this is not the issue for the children.

Any incidents need logging with the police.

It seems like a lot of his behaviour is wanting to keep you in his place..He gets to know nothing about you.. what you are doing where you are going. He is only told issues about the children.

You also need legal advise about contact and yes they need supervised.

You definitely need to report this and get on logged OP. 100%

I called CAB and they weren't really helpful at all.
Not sure how I am feeling now.

She sounded very patronising and said that just because he was a horrible husband it does not mean that he is a horrible father. And it could have been a mistake.
That's how courts will look at it.
So unless I have history of him doing similar there is nothing I can do.

She sounded like a bloody defence lawyer.
As apparently the courts look unfavourably to mothers who stop fathers contact with their kids.
It's just my word as he could have genuinely made a mistake. - her words