H left kids on my doorstep knowing I wasn't in

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I don't even know how to begin but I'm still fuming almost 3 nights later.
I started a thread last week struggling to get through the days since I split from my husband 7 weeks ago after discovering his affair.
Here is the link www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2440840-6-weeks-since-Ive-discovered-his-cheating-how-do-I-go-on
So the next day he turned up almost 3 hours late picking the girls up. Initially I wanted to give in and not meet with him for a meal as I just couldn't trust that he will keep it up.
He messaged me again after picking them up apologised for being late and numerous excuses and asked for one more chance to meet us later for that meal to show the girls we can get along.
We went to one of the girls favourite places as their is a park they can play at. For everyone else we probably looked like a normal couple. It was so hard I really struggled but I could see my babies were having fun and I persevered. We "chatted" about he girls and DD1's current body changes at age 7. Discovered she had hair under her arms and not sure what exactly I need to do to remove as being mixed race especially I didn't want her to have dark underarm pits like mine from shaving since age 12.
After our meal they wanted to go to the bigger side of the park to have a proper play. I stayed for 40 mins and said my goodbyes to them to start my walk back to my house to get changed to go to the gym.
He was fully aware of my plans as I mentioned it to him the night before and at the time that I kissed them goodbye.
Walked home quickly got changed and left. I then got a call from him to tell me to turn around and collect the girls from the house. I was a little confused and asked him what he meant and he said he has plans tonight and I have to turn around as they are all at the house but he is on his way to his new place. I of course thought he was just joking and demanded he put them on the phone or I walk to his work and embarrassed him. He just said "Oh well Social Services win" I stopped someone in the road to confirm with him on the phone that I wasn't near the house and asked him to put my kids oh the phone. He works not very far from the house.
In total I was away from the house almost 20 minutes by then. I then got a text message from my neighbour/friend who has kids similar ages telling me that she has my girls and she wasn't 100% sure what's happened but it seems like he left them on my doorstep.

I was of course fuming by then. When I got to hers she explained that they were on their way out for her sons swimming lessons and she was just upstairs when the doorbell went and DD1 aged 7 was still crying telling them that her dad dropped her off at the house and drove off. She asked DD2 age 4 to stay by the house whilst she crossed the road to see if neighbour was back from the their holiday.
Our houses are terraced houses with our front door almost on the road. Steps up to the front door. The opposite side of the road is different and friend isn't immediate neighbour she is 100yards down the road with her own garage and front door on the side meaning you can't see her door. She needs to stand on the pavement to see mine. So for that time my DD2 would have been totally on her own in floods of tears whilst DD1 went looking for help. Friend said that she was just stood crying by the door and they took her and rest of the bags to their house. Her husband waited around for a bit to see if H was coming back at all or hovering around to see if they were safe or for that matter if I came back. He of course didn't.
My first instinct is to protect my kids and therefore not ever send them to their dads again. I am not sure f phoning the police or Social Services would have disrupted their lives even more and I genuinely don't think I could have dealt with that as well. Have I done the right thing? Will this come back to me because I didn't contact the authorities.
He never called even after to make sure I had the girls. He sent a message 24hrs later "So what happens now? When can I see my girls?" I of course told him to fuck off.
I genuinely thought he would at least want to make things as simple and stress free for the kids as possible.

I agree that he is shitting himself.

You were supposed to scream and shout and demand answers, where he would excuse deny and blame. You didnt do any of that so his game plan is blown out of the water.

Your silence is the most threatening thing for him, as he doesnt know what you are thinking or planning, not a nice place to be for a manipulator.

Tomorrow it will ramp up. Be prepared for further threats of reporting to SS, the police, court action etc. Playing nice didnt work so now he will act nasty.

Keep radio silence. And keep the faith, we are with you xx

Yeah, actually Offred's point is spot on. Ignore him until the police have spoken to him, so he doesn't realise you are no longer easy prey for his bullshit. Don't do anything until the police have spoken to him. But after that, I would insist on solicitor contact only to protect yourself from his manipulations, and then contact centre for all future contact for the foreseeable future, so he can't risk the children's wellbeing as a weapon against you.

If he bothers (and is willing to spend the £) to take it to court, it will take a year or so before he is likely to be awarded any unsupervised, and he will have had the knowledge that any nonsense, and you can take it back to court burned into his mind. So you can protect the kids while they are still so very small.

Dignified silence until the situation is clarified in the form of police asking what feck he thought he was doing.

Yy to pps. Keep any contact with him to a minimum. Cold hard facts. Let him stew.
My x messed about with kids to try to control also including dumping on doorstep.
The only thing that pulled him into line was making it clear that I am indifferent to him seeing his dcs. If he wants to see them he has to behave. If not then he gets ignored.

Nb. He has no contact order in place so my position may be different from yours. I have no intention of denying him access but I will not chase him either.

if you are prepared to allow contact at centre he cannot complain.

do not justify, argue, defend or engage.
(Jade) takes a bit of practise not rising to the bait but it is absolutely essential survival trick and safest for the dcs. Saves them from being caught in the crossfire.

You will soon find out if he really wants to see his kids or if they are just a means to an end.

The dc weren't 'found by a neighbour', Camel.

After their df abandoned them on their doorstep and drove off knowing that it would take some time before the OP could get home, the 7 yo dc told her 4 yo sibling to stay by their front door, which is almost on the street, while she crossed the road alone and went to the OP's friend's house 100 yards away.

The entrance door to the friend's house is set on the side and was not visible to the 4 yo who would have watched her dsis disappear out of sight and, at her young age, it would have seemed hours instead of the minutes it took before the OP's friend came to scoop her up and take her to her home.

In abandoning his dc in this callous manner with no regard for their wellbeing or safety, he's committed a criminal act which is compounded by the fact that he did not return within a short time to check on their welfare/make sure the OP was home, nor did he make any enquiry after them until some 24 hours had elapsed when he sent the OP an email asking when he could see "my girls" again.

The OP has not said what effect their df's behaviour has had on her dc but it wouldn't be surprising if the needless trauma they sustained is such that they may now be exceedingly wary of being left alone,with him.

As literally anything could have happened to his dc during the time they were left alone on the street or, for that matter, to the OP as she was making her way home to them, 'outrageous' doesn't even begin to describe what he's done.

His behaviour beggars belief and it's to be hoped the police decide to throw the book at him.

Great idea to let the police talk to him first

Just read all of this. I am , you have done totally the right thing. Stay strong. I also agree your girls are a credit to you acting so resoonsibly in an emergency. I hope they are okay and not too shaken up?

In all likelihood he didn't expect your children to go for help and it would be your word against his.
Do you know if the police has already talked to him?

I think smink has the righht of it. Be indifferent to whether he has contact or not. Don't chase him and don't engage with him. Keep a dignified silence until you're sure about things; there really is no need for you to reply to him just because he wants you to, and you don't need to justify yourself to him either.

Have you a solicitor? If you can, get a lawyer's letter to him setting out your proposed contact arrangement, eow, or whatever. Say what date it starts. Stipulate that you want at least 2 days notice of any proposed change and so on. Stick to it.

If he goes to a contact centre he won't be able to change things just because he feels like it, so why let him do it to you?

Frightening that someone could act in this way. The children must come first. Stay strong - you have lots of support so please use it, it will give you strength

It is absolutely outrageous behaviour! I am so glad you have reported this to the police as he should not be allowed to get away with putting two small children is possible harm. Please keep us updated and stay strong. We are all here behind you

I am so so struggling with it all. I am an emotional mess again and hate the summer holidays. I try daily to get out and take my girls out but there's only so much I can do on my own not having any adult conversation and my kids either playing on their own or making various friends at the play park. How do I go on. How? I am so sick of it all. What is now left off my life. Please someone tell me as I no longer has the answers.

Sorry to hear how down you feel - this is not an easy situation.
No words of advice, but the MN gang are here for you.

I'm.sorry you are feeling so low. But things will change, you will find ways to cope, life will get better.

There's only a couple of weeks left of the holidays (assuming you're in England / Wales). You can do it

Can you take them to do something you want to do? Or have a telly and pj/takeaway day? Sounds like you are trying to be supermum - nobody has the energy for that! Taking them out every day must be exhausting for all of you. I'm slobbing about on MN while the kids watch tv this morning. Honestly, it's ok to do that sometimes! Stop being so hard on yourself. x

So wrt the children and contact, have you sent him the details of the Contact Centre? I'm not clear whether you actually did arrange times and dates with them, or just talked about it.

Has ex had his talk from the police, and do you think he is chastened as a result, or even more indignant?

contact your friends and arrange play dates. Drop in on family. Arrange playdates where you stay and chat with your daughters friends. Go to the park with a picnic and some Toys. Plan and Fill your days and have a strict bedtime so you get time to watch tv, read a book, get organised for the next day. Pick up the phone and talk to your friends in the evenings.

I'm sorry you are feeling so low. Could you talk to your GP?

Honestly...Set up a den in the house..Get the games out...Half hour at park to run off some steam, cinema day with popcorn, shut curtains..

As for your own feelings you are going through an awful ordeal. I would talk to GP..You could really do with some support x

chat on lone parents on mumsnet.

ask for ideas for free things to do at home or out at the park.

it will be ok. you will cope. you do not need him. you will adjust.

Sorry I don't have any advice. Just wanted to say I'm reading and you're not alone. (I also hate holidays!)

How long until they go back?

I hope you are feeling better.

And he got a good bollocking from the police, if not at least a caution.

Are there parenting groups you can join? Try MN local for meet ups? Try to be friendly to the other parents at the park? :) Sometimes it pays to take those first steps. Really.