Hobbit's Bar is still open.... Still finding it hard.. Part 12 .

[Hobbitwife001]

Well ladies and gentlemen, we're still open for business, this shit is still hard and we are still KOKO ing .....

Jess still finds time to support our endeavours with her Jessagrams...

Let's carry on shall we...

Oh no that's not cheesy! That's great!

I used to listen to so much music...I'd like to get back to that.

oh bugger, I'm having a weep to Des-ree now

DH let us down today. After 2 weeks of him making an effort to prove he wants to reconcile, and taking a couple of days off with the kids, we waited around for him to arrive as normal this morning - I had to text to see where he was - 1pm he says, sorry he'll be a couple of hours.
I sent an arsey message back, saying he was messing us around, and letting his DCs down who were expecting to see him.
5pm I get a message saying he's mega stressed with work issues (he runs a company), and he has to get on top of things, and "please don't bash me for my failings", and he'll come tomorrow instead.

His inability to be upfront and courteous in letting us know this morning that he wasn't coming, and his inability to prioritise his gorgeous DCs above work (and no doubt OW hanging around chuffed that he's with her today, not his family) is just inexcusable, and wipes out all the positives of the last couple of weeks.

Why do they do this? And in such a reckless, inconsiderate way?

Paddling I realised I didn't miss him, I just missed someone. THAT!

That's how I feel. Just someone to talk shite with. Who understands me etc.

I like being at home but I hate coming home. The driving means I think and I don't like thinking.

I am feeling happier in my new home though. Job's going well, I enjoy it. Nice people and wotnot. But I still don't have any 'life goals' and that upsets me. I feel like I'm treating water 'waiting to get better' almost.

So from next week, I am going to knuckled down and get on with stuff. No more excuses!

Good luck with the interview happy.

Loving the new members of Hobbits Bar I don't know about anyone else but when someone has a lightbulb moment, or a 'meh' moment, or just moves out of a dip, it feels like a team victory if that doesn't sound too cheesy.

That 's crap Truly, but if he keeps it up , the DC's will work out that he's flaky.. Doesn't help at the time, mine did this last Sunday - fell asleep instead of coming over. The kids are used to it though, and didn't really seem that bothered - his loss..

WWK and Puddling - that was a revelation for me too when I realised that it wasn't him I missed after all, but having someone to share with. His behaviour was quite hard to deal with, so I'm beginning to really like him living somewhere else.
I haven't got any life goals either, except I want to do Go Ape when I've fully recovered from surgery - probably doesn't count though

Off to the beach today and I'm very excited
KOKO xx

Have a great day at the beach sparkly , the weather has turned slightly in the arse end of nowhere , but still quite nice.

We WILL come through this , shit is still hard though. Xx

Morning...weather has turned here too sadly. Was beautiful yesterday (when we were packing and covered in cobwebs). Enjoy the beach anyway - I love it in all weathers.

I miss someone but I also miss the old me who didn't seem to need someone.

Yes, the "old me" who upon a break-up (I've never done them well) would fuck off to a new country, dance on tables in foreign bars and "kiss" a man or two until the pain went away.

This time I need to keep roots, don't be a drunkem slag and try and keep my shit together because of the children. I don't have my old coping strategies to fall back on.

This shit is hard.

Truly - I'm so sorry he let you down. Are you ok this morning?

I'm doing ok today - well as ok as any of is can do. But tomorrow his gf gets back from holiday and he'll be waltzing off there. How I'll sleep tomorrow night I don't know although my doc is very generous with the old prescriptions.

I get the victory thing WWK

We all just need to keep on keeping on as the saying goes.

Sorry have little to add to anything today but thinking (hard) about all of you. X

Little victories are good.

I'm not having a victorious weekend. I'm exhausted from starting work, dd has been tantrumming a lot recently, and stbxh is on holiday with ow. He has facetimed dd a couple of times and the backdrop looks stunning. Meanwhile I'm trying to keep dd amused and just get through with anyone I could call upon on holiday too.

The ow lives abroad and when I know he is with her I find things really tough. When he is not I feel much stronger. I am waiting for that milestone of knowing they are together but not giving a shit.

I saw his best friends mum yesterday and she said something along the lines of knowing he must have some good qualities because of their friendship but failing to be able to think anything good about him because of the way he has treated me. I have met her a handful of times so don't know her that well, but its reassuring knowing that he has lost the respect of those he has always thought well of.

KOKO all. I'm very jealous of those living by the sea!

Morning all
Struggling this morning. He's here to see the girls & even though it's the right thing for them to be in their own environment esp the baby it's horrible. Oldest dragged me off to play Frisbee with them while littlest was asleep and she was so happy it's heartbreaking. Why don't we all do x together she keeps saying.
I don't want him back after his cowardly behaviour but can't help thinking about what could have been.
Off out to enjoy the sunshine and maybe even have a nap later as well as catching up on boring things like hoovering & tidying but v v sad.
Like you tomato can't wait for the Small victory of not caring anymore

It's a small victory to not want him back, Twisted, you're over the first hurdle already. A saying I keep reminding myself is "Don't look back; it's not where you're headed" - but sometimes we do need to remind ourselves that we are not in the first worst part any more.

Facebook really need to sort their shit out. "People you might know" is not synonymous with "people who are fucking your husband".

Not good, swiss. Sorry x

Also sorry about the "x" - keep forgetting where I am

This shit is hard enough without facebook behaving inappropriately.

haha I'll take the kiss thanks.

That's lovely isn't it Swiss? A kick in the teeth when you're already low.

You need your very own new good looking set of "people he might know."

Thanks for asking Swiss.

I had a discreet spell of your coping strategies, did me the world of good actually. I did stop just short of a drunken naked streak through my village. Got my mojo back, confirmed I'm attractive and a decent 'catch'.

I'm more resilient with recovering from being let down sporadically by DH. And I do see that most of the time he makes effort over and above what I expect.

He arrived promptly today, and I stayed pleasant and calm, I'm not going do that normal thing of expressing my hurt and disappointment, and then get all weepy. I just said it was the lack of notice and explanation that was offensive, rather than needing to cancel a visit.

He apologised, told me some of the work issues he's having. I sympathise, as I work in the same industry, and know that running a company is incredibly pressured. But I also told him if it was not compatible with commitment to his children, then he should look for something else.

We did have a wonderful day out with DCs - and as usual, when we spend time together - we get on well, and genuinely relax and enjoy each other's company.

He asked if he could come for dinner in the week, and to talk properly about reconciliation when he's less stressed.

So I'm just KOKO for now.

Swiss - hope you can console yourself with OW looking shit on FB pics.

Bloody Facebook - cause of so much trouble & upset & yet creepily addictive.
OW has changed privacy settings so that I can't see what she writes on his status/when she tags him in check ins etc.

He's asked to have DD1 (4) for the weekend again in Sept just after she starts school. He took her for a couple of weekends in May but nothing since. I thought he'd gone off the idea. He's not taking her to his/OW house but even so.

WWK hammer, nail and all that, my thoughts exactly, are we twins? You the posh one though

Hello all,

Awake in the early hours, uncomfortable and thinking.

Anyone know why ex is so angry? I've lost the anger mostly and am pretty meh about him but not always about the situation. However he is so angry, which I just cannot fathom when this is all his choice , he had an alternative, I WAS willing to work things out but he wanted ow, to leave, not to see dd etc. so why does he still lose his temper? He still blames me and said he cannot understand how I can forgive myself?!
I wonder if he didn't think about things like financial implications,what would happen once the novelty of ow wore off, guilt and how ow would feel about his contact.
Apparently when the baby arrives I need to text him to tell him to answer the phone because it's important and then call him?! He doesn't pick up the phone to me as ow doesn't like it. But he doesn't just want a text to say the baby had arrived because that would make me a callous bitch

Sorry for the rant I hope everyone is ok and koko

Eh? 2little - sorry I'm awake in the wee hours (God knows why but sleep has vacated the building this week).

So if I've understood your post correctly, when you're busy dealing with a newborn, and the post birth bit, you've got to obey the self-serving rules and procedures of a bureaucratic fuckwit? Is that what he's saying?

And he can't be having the OW upset?

Tell his anger to do one. It's pathetic and not your responsibility to manage. I rather think you've got enough on your plate. But that's just me getting angry at your fucknugget (loving this new word) on your behalf.

Take care.

Oh, I've gone all Scottish with 'wee hours'.

There was me thinking that was the urge to go to the loo during the night.

WWK you are hilarious. When's that book coming?

2little - I don't exactly know, but my own fucknugget (!) was v angry for several weeks after I discovered his affair. He has decided he is going to be nice to me now but that is going to stop soon when I start going all formal on him. So here's my mullings on the matter.

I think its something about not being able to handle the guilt, and also if they sit down and think too much it becomes unbearable, so they don't act in the way they should because to do that is to admit how bad they have been (if that makes sense).

The very act of leaving your pregnant wife and child is an act of utter selfishness, and why stop being utterly selfish now? To act with decency is to put someone else first.

Such entitled creatures, when the world stops revolving around them, get angry when things don't go their way. Its a default reaction. And things are most certainly not going his way right now, guaranteed.

2little - I'm so sorry you're up in the night with all of this. For those of is who aren't pregnant we can numb the pain with booze and take sleeping pills. I think as someone else said - your ex is harbouring major guilt - how could he not? Wanker he may be, but there must be some humanity there as you'd not have married him otherwise. I'd maybe delegate the "telling him" to someone else, maybe your birthing partner? Or partner of your partner?

I had a meltdown last week and have refused to go to tesco (50 miles away) to pick up the shopping in case I run into her. Why am I angry with her? He's the one that's married to me! Nonetheless in a pique of fuckwittery I forgot to cancel today's order which means I'll have to go in... And perhaps run into her... Who arrived back home from holiday yesterday and so is likely to need a big shop.

Yesterday I got new beds arrive for the DC's. I spent about 3 hours trying but couldn't do it. The bits simply didn't fit. So I took it down and put back up the camp bed my eldest has been sleeping on... All the while he's getting ready for "big date night" now she's back.

So when he got home from work he was texting and I sank to "this is what it comes down to - your children need something and you're with another family". Also told him that at least he had a bed for the night.

He's told me it's just a casual thing - I told him women don't tend to do casual so well.

I don't know - he came Sunday to put some curtains up and he hadn't brought his phone - I'd kicked off about him reading her texts when he was with the kids.

Urgh.

Upshot is I need to get my arse into gear to go to flipping tesco and pick up my stuff whilst sporting the happy face.