BF using tinder to message both men/women

[upsidedownsmile]

Never posted before and this is going to be a long post so please be nice (but honest)

Two and a half years ago I met a guy and thought he was gay. He told me he was straight and explained about his past (which I feel I can't really go into) and explained it was firmly in the past and that he was straight. We got together and had a good relationship, but it was immature and we argued over silly things. We never broke up officially but he just cut me off and stopped speaking to me so I soon got the message. I went away to uni for the year and we met up and talked about what happened and got some closure.

About 6 weeks ago we met up again and had a series of serious conversations which helped us move on from things that were problematic for us in the past. Also, I think the time apart allowed us to grow up and we're no longer annoyed by the same petty things we were.

Everything was going really well, until a gay friend of mine found him on tinder. I've confronted him about it and he says he made the account when we weren't together and made it because he was lonely. I can't seem to get over the fact that he was a) using tinder and b) using it to find a guy. (Although he says he wasn't exclusively looking for a guy) There are other things that suggest to me he is attracted to men, his social media accounts seem to infer this all the time.

He has said he wants to work it out and sort it but I don't feel I can. I feel he lied to me about his sexuality because if he was looking for a man then he is either gay or bi-sexual. I have no problem with gay, or bi people, I have many friends who are and have never thought anything of it. However I know that I can't be with someone who is bi, especially in this situation where sexual activity with a man has previously taken place.

I don't really know what I'm hoping for. But I would appreciate hearing people's advice/opinions on it

Offred

You are the one using language that is prejudice, you are defining people by their sexuality and labeling when consistently saying "bisexual people"

Being prejudice would mean having an issue with all people who are bisexual because of their sexuality, however that isn't the case on this thread. People are saying that for them, the act of having sex with a man who has had sex with other men, is not for them, that's choice not being prejudice

For example, you may not want to practice Catholicism, Youndon't have a problem with Catholics but Simply do not want to participate in that practice

I'm using prejudiced language on a thread where people are distinguishing bisexual people from other people and which has the term 'bisexual' in the title?

If there were no labels it would be a sign there was no prejudice. The function of the label is to enable people to discriminate against different groups of people. That can be in terms of making a factual and technical distinction or it can be in terms of making an ethical and moral distinction or both. If people make moral and ethical distinctions it's unavoidable that you have to accept the technical distinction.

Thank you Whirlpool.

Another more cheerful function of labels like male, female, hetero / homo / bisexual is that people can use them to know who they might be in with a chance with, to get together with people with whom they might have a sexual attraction (aka it's handy in dating situations), and even to get together to talk about shared experiences and difficulties.

So there are positive reasons for these labels as well. They are not just used for discriminating against people, that's a really depressing thing to claim.

Seeing male/female etc anr sharing experiences etc with a common group is a form of being discriminating. No-one has said being discriminating is always a negative thing - in fact I've consistently said for individuals the freedom to act discriminatingly about who you have sex with is a positive thing.

It's discrimination based on prejudice that I am objecting to. Except in the arena of bodily autonomy and sexual partner selection/relationships, which is clearly and obviously a desirable thing. Prejudice however is not.

You said discriminating against.

The way it has been used throughout is to do with the more negative connotations rather than the meaning of simply "choosing".

Well, that was unintentional.

Actually it's people who are bisexual not bisexual people, the person comes before the condition, illness, sexuality etc

Yeah, because the meaning of discrimination changes depending on the reason you are doing it. If you are doing it to differentiate it becomes bad when the differentiation is based on or to further unjust prejudiced beliefs.

Christina im fine being a bisexual person, thanks. In fact im pretty sure all the lgbt stuff ive read talks about gay men, lesbians, bisexual people (sometimes just "bisexuals"), trans people etc. Its also the language that pretty much every gay, lesbian or bi person ive met has used.

What it seems to come down to is that some people feel that there is no valid, non-prejudice reason in existence to chose not to sleep with men who have slept with other men.

However, some posters believe that there are non-prejudice reasons. You can argue this ad infinitum.

And lets face it, someone not wanting to have sex with you is hardly discrimination. I am concerned about people loosing their jobs, being attacked, and denied housing because of discrimination. Those are the real issues.