BF using tinder to message both men/women

[upsidedownsmile]

Never posted before and this is going to be a long post so please be nice (but honest)

Two and a half years ago I met a guy and thought he was gay. He told me he was straight and explained about his past (which I feel I can't really go into) and explained it was firmly in the past and that he was straight. We got together and had a good relationship, but it was immature and we argued over silly things. We never broke up officially but he just cut me off and stopped speaking to me so I soon got the message. I went away to uni for the year and we met up and talked about what happened and got some closure.

About 6 weeks ago we met up again and had a series of serious conversations which helped us move on from things that were problematic for us in the past. Also, I think the time apart allowed us to grow up and we're no longer annoyed by the same petty things we were.

Everything was going really well, until a gay friend of mine found him on tinder. I've confronted him about it and he says he made the account when we weren't together and made it because he was lonely. I can't seem to get over the fact that he was a) using tinder and b) using it to find a guy. (Although he says he wasn't exclusively looking for a guy) There are other things that suggest to me he is attracted to men, his social media accounts seem to infer this all the time.

He has said he wants to work it out and sort it but I don't feel I can. I feel he lied to me about his sexuality because if he was looking for a man then he is either gay or bi-sexual. I have no problem with gay, or bi people, I have many friends who are and have never thought anything of it. However I know that I can't be with someone who is bi, especially in this situation where sexual activity with a man has previously taken place.

I don't really know what I'm hoping for. But I would appreciate hearing people's advice/opinions on it

Being with a smoker has a risk to your health. She can have whatever preference she likes. What risk does being with a bisexual man pose?

And I assume you would feel the same if she was a white woman saying she doesn't want to be with black guys?

Why is it prejudice not to want to be with a woman who might leave you for a man?

why does being bisexual mean you are likely to leave for a man?

You are the one who said many lesbians won't date bi women because they fear they will go off with a man.

Yeah, on another thread when I was talking about prejudice lesbians have against bisexual women

Surely the only thing that matters is commitment to the current relationship?

Have to say that although I have no issues with same sex sex and support my gay friends and their rights, I can see how somebody who isn't into it could see it as a turn off.

As a parallel, I wouldn't want to be with anybody who got off on a whole range of fetishes that I think is disgusting. Sorry if that's not PC but there are things I'd never overlook.

It's the right thing to be PC but many unfortunately don't feel it.

YOU said it above. So I was asking why you think this is prejudice?

Because that is a common prejudice that lesbian women have towards bisexual women. What makes you think it is not a prejudice.

Choosing not to want to sleep with someone who is bisexual is in no way prejudice, how absurd! Treating someone with less respect than others in everyday life would be, bit the op has not done that as far as we can tell. In fact she has taken him at his word on many occasions. The thing is he's lied. Also, did he really get pressured to try the same sex? I'd be wary about that as a reason as pressure to conform to conventional ways would be more likely.

The relationship doesn't seem to be very open or honest so for those reasons I would walk away

He doesn't seem to be entirely sure what he wants, so I think it is best that he figures that out on his own otherwise you could get very hurt

Clearly a lot of people have loads of different prejudiced views about loads of things. Why are people not allowed to point out that they are prejudiced?

Choosing not to sleep with someone for any reason is not prejudice. Views held that that choice is based on may be prejudiced.

It is not prejudice not wanting to have sex with someone, who has had sex with a different sex from you.

Why are people not allowed to point out that they are prejudiced?

Because no-one appointed you the Thought Police!

It's a choice based on a prejudiced view of what being bisexual means.

No its not. Bisexual people are sexually attracted to both sexes and my have had sex with both sexes. To some people, that matters.

Yes, to some people that does matter. Why does that mean they aren't prejudiced views?

Because it is a good reason for some people. It is not prejudiced to care about who else your potential partner has dated.

No, it's prejudice to assume that because someone has had sex with someone, or several people, of the same gender that means they are things like; untrustworthy, diseased, unfaithful, a risk to you etc. why is it relevant to a current partner what gender past partners have been?

Nobody is assuming that though.
I care who a potential partners past partners have been

I agree with you Offred, and get what point you are trying to make. I have a friend who is adamant that she is not racist, however, she does not believe in biracial relationships because she doesn't believe that its right for black and white to be 'mixed'. She is entitled to choose who to sleep with and if she doesn't want a black partner she doesn't have to, but the fact is that her choice is coming from prejudice about race, however much she denies it. There is no possible way it couldn't be prejudiced to hold that view because if you had no believe that the other race was inferior in some way, or in this case, that engaging in sexual acts with someone of the same sex is in some way wrong or changes you as a person, then you wouldn't have a problem with it.

With bisexual men in particular I think people have a hard time believing that the person is truly bisexual, people can't conceive that someone could have that sexual taste and not be gay. The OP should absolutely not be with this man if she doesn't trust him, however, saying that she couldn't be with him if he is bisexual shows that she either has a problem (subconsciously or not) with the idea of two men having sex, or she also holds this view that bisexual men must be gay but in denial

When there are thousands of potentially suitable men for you out there, why bother with someone who isn't. It's just wasted emotions and energy.

about the bisexual prejudice business.
Surely people can state their preferences. I've never slept with a BME man because its not my preference. Does that make me racist?

I'll freely admit, I wouldn't go near a bi-sexual man, or woman for that matter. I don't care if that makes me prejudiced....can't imagine anything worse!