Update.....
Don't know if any of the original posters are still on here or not, but thought I'd post to do a 'One Year On' update!
It's been a hard slog and a lot of tears shed in the initial 4 or 5 months following my last post on here; lots and lots of upsetting milestones which were like ripping a plaster off.
A couple of weeks after chucking him out the OW contacted me and was an absolute witch - amongst other gems, the words which made me rage massively were: "it is what it is, and it's about time you accepted it and move on. Stop playing the victim".
After hanging up on her I had a complete snotty, tearful, ragey meltdown where I was (apparently) banging my head off the wall and tearing at my hair - I finished by punching a hole in the wall (not like me at all!) and then collapsed into a sobbing heap. I can't remember any of it, my mum was thankfully staying with me at that point and told me afterwards.
That was a huge turning point for me I think tbh.
Just before Xmas I also found out that my husband had been siphoning off money from our accounts to fund his 'other life' over the 10 years, and it transpired that it came to upwards of £10k (a standing order of £87 a month that I'd thought was going to an endowment policy).
This was the last thing that battered me, and was the turning point for everything else.
There was loads of other stuff going on last year too, apart from my husband being a cunt - I had been very ill (physical & mental) which resulted in me losing my job of over 20 years; I also lost my home which came with the job.
I started this year sick, with no job, no home & no husband.
Today!!
I am starting university in September; my health is slowly improving; me and the kids have (this week!) moved into our new house.
I decided that life was too short to hold resentment and I've not the energy or inclination to do that anyway - so I have formed a good, amicable, post split relationship with my ex; even though he is obviously a massive cunt, he also has many good qualities and has proven himself repeatedly over the last 7 months.
He has kept a good, solid relationship with the kids & sees them all the time - he has also done the lions share of our move & pretty much kept things ticking over when I've been unable to. He has agreed to a very fair divorce settlement (more than he legally 'has to' but completely fair - including future proofing me financially past the kids leaving home).
He's still with OW, but now that she has 'won her prize', she is showing her true colours & isn't just the ego-massaging, compassionate cheerleader that she was when he was 'unhappily' married; he isn't the impassioned, Romeo, knight in shining armour that he played to her Juliet....they are not living the fairytale dream that they fondly imagined - real life has scuppered the rose-tinted daydream of the star crossed lovers.
Who knew that would happen?!?!
So - thanks for the support I got from you all last year, it really, really helped me to have somewhere to vent anonymously and to be listened to by people that weren't personally involved in my life.
Lots of love to all in the vipers nest, and also wishing anybody else in this situation lots of strength for the future - it does get easier with time xxxxx