My husband is a cunt

[myhusbandisacunt]

My husband is a cunt.
#justsaying

I found out on Saturday (whilst on a family holiday) that he has been having an affair for 10 years.
10 fucking pisstaking, lying, cuntish fucking years.

This is why he is a cunt and I hate him.
I also wonder where the actual fuck her (OW) self esteem is hiding, and also wonder why I am such a gullible fucking prick.

I probably won't post again on this thread, but if I do it may not be for ages as I am currently packing all his fucking shit up, I am just taking a break.

I am not a troll, mn can verify this if needs be.

They both deserve each other. If it was what he really wanted he'd have left you to be with her.

Now she has to live with knowing that she's second best and only good enough because he had no where else to go.

I read on here a lot of times that the best revenge is to live your life well. Never really got it until now...

Cheating ex now living alone in misery and me currently listening to the gentle snoring of my new gorgeous, 6 years younger Latino hard bodied kind adorable sweet boyfriend.

You can do this, be strong.

Vile.

Just curious. How did you find out after he concealed it for 10 years?

notrocket the usual cliche - found his 2nd phone.

Took a while to get anything out of him though, even then - he denied, denied, denied until he finally realised it was all over for him.
I don't believe he actually ever intended to leave us tbh, if he hadn't been caught it could have been another 10 years.

I can see now how I've been gas lighted into thinking I'm a basket case over the years and now it's like a light has gone on.
I know it's going to hit me like a truck in days/weeks/months, but at the moment I've so much anger and adrenaline.

I turned 40 this year, have lost my job due to illness and have now lost my security and future that I had taken for granted. Just shows how your whole life can change in a moment.

It's all just a fucking waste, and for what? Selfish, selfish people.

(Sorry about all the 'cunt'ing btw - on here is the only place I can be that ragey and that badly sweary)

Rage on! You deserve it!

If you haven't, see a solicitor ASAP. Your 'd'H's promises meant exactly shite. Also, keep an eye on your bank accounts. Open one in your name only. Make sure that any applicable benefits or tax credits are in your name.

Fuck him and the horse OW he rode in on!

holdyerwhist I am lol'ing that you wish this man to become a zombie!

OP - you're right, life can turn in an instant but I have faith you will be strong. A few years ago I had money and a dazzling career. Now I have MS and this morning the council are giving me a cooker. How life changes eh? You adapt and find peace in other ways. Xx

I agree his nob needs to turn black and fall off, but it would be nice if it went through the colour spectrum over the course of a few weeks to put inevitable terror in him.

Half of me thinks that in some level OW will be in for a shock... I think the fact that it's dragged on for 10 years is due to her NOT actually wanting him full time, just happy to fuck someone else's husband. Don't think this will be loves young dream, it won't be. Reality comes as a shock for cheats thrown together.

But what he's done IS a true red card offence, and slinging his hook is definitely the best option for you, and the children. I'm glad you have got RL support, and that posting here is helping. MN is great!

I'm so sorry for what has happened to you, and for this nuke that has exploded in your life. It won't always be is awful, you will get through and past this, and will come out the other side, healthy and strong. I know you'll just have to take my word for that, as believing it is a bit far off.

Don't even think about saying sorry.
cunt on

how are your children? do they know much atm?

I'm very sorry if this sounds insensitive OP, or if my timing is really off, but I think it would be wise to get checked for STIs.

He sounds like an utter shitbag. So sorry for you and your DC.

Idiot!! Does OW know he is married with DC?

Kids are 10 & 13 zing.
They know everything.

Full disclosure, sorry to drip:
I found out nearly 4 yrs ago that he was with her (same way, found 2nd phone). I kicked him out then, but not with the same fury I have now - he spent the next 6 months or so begging me to take him back and I still let him be involved in family things, as I wanted to keep it as non-disruptive as poss for the kids as they were only 6 & 9 then.
I eventually agreed to give our marriage another go, a proper go - at least then I would know that if it failed it was because it was not meant to be, not because of a third person poisoning everything.
We did marriage counselling, followed by relationship counselling, and we 'officially' got back together about 9 months after we had split.

I had thought everything was going really well, we were getting on brilliantly and we did loads together as family and started being a couple again. Lots has happened over the last 4 yrs due to critical illnesses/operations etc but it seemed like we were totally fine.

Since about Nov last year I started feeling that something wasn't quite right, but I couldn't put my finger on anything definite. I asked him outright re doubts/affair/something else and he denied it all, made me feel like I was imagining it.

On holiday I suddenly felt that things were really weird - he seemed to be taking far too long to do stuff or come back from places. I confronted him outright in the end, he denied obviously but something clicked inside me and I just knew - I went straight back to the room and started to search it (what for, I didn't know - just 'something').
He was battering, kicking and shouldering the door to get in but I had double locked it - the door started busting in when I found the phone so I just went and unlocked it anyway as I knew then what it meant and that it was all over for us.
He continued to deny everything for ages and then finally told me.

They'd never really stopped seeing each other - only really for about a month following me finding everything out in 2011.
All through begging me for another chance, marriage counselling etc.
A pp said that the lies and double life were 'my normal' - I think that's it - I never knew any different.

That is why this time the kids know everything - they know about before now, and they know that he lied to me about trying again etc.
It is because of the fact that all that happened before that I am now so sure that there is no going back at all - he made his choices and that is it.

I have always loved him, I love him still, but I hate him and I hate what he's done to me and the kids and us. I am angry, sad, raging, devastated and scared all at the same time.
I have a doctor's appt for Friday and will get an appt with the psychologist too (ironically I was just signed off from her the week before we went on holiday).

I know I will crumble at some point, and that scares me.

Yes it will hit you soon so use your adrenaline while you can.

I think if you are not working you will be entitled to Income Support and other financial assistance regardless of whether he will honour his promises to look after you and the children. (This can change in a heartbeat and he may be one of those to**ers who actively seek to damage you in every which way once he realises you're not taking him back).

For what it's worth, try not to drink alcohol (you need a clear head) and as much as you can, keep your dignity. Resist the temptation to send texts describing him and the fool ow. Not for their benefit but for yours.

Tell the school in September as this will affect the children. There may be counselling available for them if needed.

If you have a joint mortgage make sure he continues the payments and you monitor it because he may take a "holiday". (Mine did because he wanted to get me and the children out of the house)

Remember "blood is thicker than water" and his family may turn against you even though you are the innocent one.

You are ONLY 40 and there is plenty of time to rebuild your life. If you are interested, Open University do degrees and courses which may help you find a career when you feel better. If you are on benefits these courses are sometimes free and you get a student grant which is yours to keep. It also works to focus your mind on something else. (Worked for me - BscHon thank you very much).

Any questions please ask as there is a wealth of knowledge and experience on here.

Finally, big big big big hugs to you and take care. X

back yes, she knows - she has known all along.
We were vague acquaintances in 2005 when it all started between them.

We are a forces family so us and her have moved a few times since it all started in 2005, but they carried it on all those years. She even travelled up from Hampshire to Scotland to visit him when I was away with work (in my house when the kids were aged 3 & 6 after they'd gone to bed).
For the last few years we have lived within 2 hours of her, so easier access I suppose.

She is a nasty piece of work and clearly has zero self esteem, I want to kill her quite frankly, but I hate him more.

notrocket, thanks - I appreciate it.

I am remaining dignified on public fb posts etc, only sharing the true facts with my actual friends in rl (I am so glad mn is anonymous, although I am very easily identifiable I suppose ).

I am also very lucky because I still have 7 weeks left in services so have access to all sorts of practical support and advice. I know I need to nail him down legally quite quickly, but I also am weirdly better off being out of work as I will be entitled to a lot as you said.
I also already moved all the money to a bank account which is in my name only on the day I found out.

MN is amazing for practical advice, I've read it on here so many times before.
It's just so shit that this sort of shit happens all the time.

I'm off now.
Thanks again to everyone xx

So he flies to the OW only when you kick him out. I feel sorry for her. It must be hard to be so obviously second best in his eyes, and to be so needy that you're willing to take up the cast-off scraps from another woman's table. She can't be a properly 'whole' person I think.

But I feel far more for you, OP. Though in a different way - in a ragey, empowered kind of way that is outraged on your behalf by his disgusting behaviour and his years of lies. You deserve so much better than this - and guess what?- even though this hurts like hell right now, it's the first step to opening the door on a new life which ISN'T a complete lie, and where you are cared for and cherished as you ought to be.

I'm completely aghast.

What an arrogant shit of a man. This has been going on for all of your 10yo's life? I'm thinking of your poor kids - happy, on holiday, then this. What a completely selfish bastard he is - absolutely no concept of how he's fucked his kids over.

I'm glad you have support and your adrenalin has kicked in. 40 is so young and you should be thanking your lucky stars you found out now. You've still got a life to live whereas he'll always be rotten.

Yes, my love, he is a complete and utter cunt, the question is, what happens now? It's a complete betrayal of your trust, you must be in total shock, channel your rage to help you get through this.

God sweetie I could be writing your post but a few years older ...

I was 45 when we split, seriously ill and lost my job because of it.

We are an ex forces family.

I don't know what it is about the forces and the amount of selfish man children they breed.

Are you in forces accommodation? Do you know your families officer? If that's the case get down for an appointment and spill everything. They really won't look on it lightly and are very supportive of the family unit.

Allow yourself to lean on the true friends in your life. Get some time to yourself to organise and plan, cry, rage whatever you need.

So glad you have support both on here, and in rl.Not good with the practical side of things, but here to hand hold.

But OW has the pleasure of knowing she is second best-his fall back option. he is only there now becuase you kicked him out.
Bet that makes her feel good..

Stay srong this time

God you poor woman, what a hideous discovery! and he started this affair when your youngest was a baby? Or before he was even born?!

What a disgusting piece of pondscum your H is. I can't imagine how he can have coped with this double life this long, but clearly he was quite happy with it.

Well the only comfort I can offer you is that you know the old saying - when a man marries his mistress, it creates a vacancy - now he's with her, he'll probably need another bit on the side soon. Thing is though, she's knowingly shared him with you for a whole fucking decade - she probably won't care if he shags someone else while she's with him.

I really hope he screws both their lives up. That's mean, but fuckit, he's spent a decade screwing her, now she can have him full time and look after the fucker.

I hope you get all the support you need in RL and on here to take him down as far as you can go - and do it legally and fast, before he stops feeling remotely guilty and tries to blame you for it.

Yes, he is.

10 years is fucking horrendous. I hope his cock falls off.

wow so sorry for you.

i can see (not that I'd advocate it mind!) why some women in this position empty paint, cut crotches out of trousers etc...

OP - I know this is of little comfort to you now but karma WILL bite them both on the bum at some point in their deceiving little lives.