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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've got a black eye

173 replies

Verypissedoffwife · 26/07/2015 19:09

Started a thread a couple of weeks ago but had it moved to "the other place" as I was worried I was too identifiable on it.

It was about my husband offering his sister a job that I'd previously asked for and been told "no". It's irrelevant now really as since then we've barely spoken 2 words to each other and have split up. He was sleeping on the sofa whilst made arrangements to find a rental property.

On Thursday night he lost his temper and sente flying into the door frame. I've got a black eye and a massive lump and bruise on my forehead.

I feel absolutely devasted. I've got to go to work tomorrow looking like I've been in a fight. I feel so ashamed.

It's not the first time so I know I shouldn't be so surprised but I just can't believe he's done this. My 7 year old daughter is really upset because she misses her Dad. And I just feel so overwhelmed by everything.

OP posts:
Nolim · 26/07/2015 19:10

Call the cops. You were asaulted.

woowoo22 · 26/07/2015 19:12

Please call the police. I'd also go to the GP to log it with them too. Poor you OP.

Are you still in the same house now?

NameChange30 · 26/07/2015 19:13

So sorry to hear this. I remember your original thread and I'm glad to hear you're splitting up - but I'm sorry to hear he's turned so nasty.

My advice would be to call Women's Aid ASAP, I'm sure they will be able to give you some great support.

Please also consider reporting the assault to the police. You don't have to press charge but the fact that it's logged will make it easier when it comes to a divorce (can't remember if you're married?) and arrangements for your daughter.

Do you have anyone in real life you can talk to? Someone who could come over and give you a hug?

Good luck OP. Please do these things and it will be OK. Flowers

glenthebattleostrich · 26/07/2015 19:13

Sweetheart, please phone the police and women's aid.

Is there any way you can call your boss and explain you can't work tomorrow?

Hussarsataparty · 26/07/2015 19:14

Get photos. He's a monster,and you need evidence of that. Stay safe!

NameChange30 · 26/07/2015 19:14

PS Has he moved out now? I really really hope so! And if so does he still have a key?

NameChange30 · 26/07/2015 19:15

Also occurred to me that you could call in sick tomorrow?

Original poster
Verypissedoffwife · 26/07/2015 19:16

No he left on Thursday straight away. I don't know where he's gone. He apologised at the time but now it's all my fault apparently.

I'm not going to the police. I did consider it on Friday but after discussing it with friends and family no one in real life thinks I should report it. And I can't face it to be honest.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 26/07/2015 19:16

WHY? Why don't they think you should report it? Sad

Twinklestein · 26/07/2015 19:18

Crap advice from your family? What's their reason?

Original poster
Verypissedoffwife · 26/07/2015 19:19

I can't really call in sick as we're going on holiday for 2 weeks on Saturday so I need to clear my desk this week.

My boss does know what happened as I had a lump on my head on Friday but my black eye didn't come out until yesterday.

OP posts:
NeitherHereOrThere · 26/07/2015 19:20

Your friends are wrong.

You need to report it in order to set up a paper trail/evidence - if not you won't get legal aid.

You will have problems proving to the courts etc that he is violent should you need to take out a restraining order, to set up supervised contact visits for the DC.

Also if you let him get away with this, he will do it again.

NeitherHereOrThere · 26/07/2015 19:21

Take photos of your face as well.

RandomMess · 26/07/2015 19:22

Please report it. If nothing else it gives you grounds for divorce due to his unreasonable behaviour. Also if he becomes difficult you may need the evidence for an occupation order on the house or a harassment one Sad

Original poster
Verypissedoffwife · 26/07/2015 19:23

I think it's because it would be referred to social services and would cause him problems. I think everyone just wants him out of my life as easily as possible. And at the moment he's agreed to buy me out of the house which is better for me (as it's quicker) but also much much better for my daughter as she'll still be able to visit here. I think it's better not to antagonise him to be honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
Verypissedoffwife · 26/07/2015 19:24

I have taken photos.

OP posts:
Original poster
Verypissedoffwife · 26/07/2015 19:26

I don't want my daughter to know either. She'd be devastated.

OP posts:
Electrolux · 26/07/2015 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nemno · 26/07/2015 19:28

I agree that if nothing else at least take photos of the damage. That commits you to nothing but there are many women who wish much later in the process of splitting that they'd taken photos .

nemno · 26/07/2015 19:30

Sorry, x post. I wish you well Verpissedoffwife

Original poster
Verypissedoffwife · 26/07/2015 19:31

I didn't know that Electrolux -thanks -I might go to my go tomorrow as I need to go anyway. There is already a log at my GPs as he dislocated my shoulder a few years ago - exactly same situation and I bounced of the same door.

OP posts:
scatterthenuns · 26/07/2015 19:31

Your friends and family couldn't be more wrong if they tried. Should it get worse, you'll need all the evidence against him you can get.

Why wouldn't you protect yourself?

Arnica will help with the bruising. I'm so sorry this happened. Flowers

NameChange30 · 26/07/2015 19:35

"I think it's because it would be referred to social services and would cause him problems. I think everyone just wants him out of my life as easily as possible. And at the moment he's agreed to buy me out of the house which is better for me (as it's quicker) but also much much better for my daughter as she'll still be able to visit here. I think it's better not to antagonise him to be honest."

You got such bad advice. If you report it to the police and/or GP (and it would be wise to do both, but one would be better than nothing) he doesn't have to know. Your DD certainly doesn't have to know.

Also, don't fall into the trap of thinking that if you "keep him sweet" he will be reasonable and will keep his promise of helping you financially or practically. He is very likely to turn nasty and change his mind about that, whatever you do.

Please please please report it. At the very least call Women's Aid and get their advice on the matter. They are experienced experts, unlike your friends and family!

NameChange30 · 26/07/2015 19:38

Just saw that you're planning to go to the GP tomorrow, that's good news.

Could you work from home tomorrow? (I realise that depends on the type of work you do.) If not I think your boss would totally understand about a sick day, even if you are going on holiday soon. You'll still have the rest of the week which is 4/5 days!

Original poster
Verypissedoffwife · 26/07/2015 19:38

Thank you. I will. I'll go to my gp tomorrow. Monday's an open surgery so I can just turn up.

I'm so sad about everything. We've been together a long time and married for 7 years. Every single one of them has been shit, so I don't know why I miss him as there's not really much to miss but I do.

OP posts: