I've got a black eye

[Verypissedoffwife]

Started a thread a couple of weeks ago but had it moved to "the other place" as I was worried I was too identifiable on it.

It was about my husband offering his sister a job that I'd previously asked for and been told "no". It's irrelevant now really as since then we've barely spoken 2 words to each other and have split up. He was sleeping on the sofa whilst made arrangements to find a rental property.

On Thursday night he lost his temper and sente flying into the door frame. I've got a black eye and a massive lump and bruise on my forehead.

I feel absolutely devasted. I've got to go to work tomorrow looking like I've been in a fight. I feel so ashamed.

It's not the first time so I know I shouldn't be so surprised but I just can't believe he's done this. My 7 year old daughter is really upset because she misses her Dad. And I just feel so overwhelmed by everything.

Aw, are you gwappa-less? I think I prefer people with little or no gwappa, anyway

Fingers crossed your mum does better this time.

OP I hope you Mum is better soon. Spanish hospitals usually cater for (and usually expect) for someone to stay so just stay on the spare bed

www.gov.uk/government/world/organisations/british-embassy-madrid

Contact the British Embassy (or nearest Consulate), this is precisely what they are there for.

You are there with your mother, a British national, with no confirmed accomodation. They must help you, its their job.

jux I always thought gwappa (obviously nor spelt like that) meant beautiful as I definitely used to be called gwappa when I was younger. It could quite easily mean "haggard" for all I know though so I think I'll go with that translation.

oldraver there's a sofa and a chair that converts into a bed and the doctor has already said that I can sleep over if I want. It's not that bad an option really as Mum's room is quite nice. I've been taking my mum nice food in - serrano ham, olives stuffed with anchovies, manchego cheese etc so it would actually be ok.

bogeyface thanks for the link. I won't literally be homeless as the insurance company are also responsible for me. At the moment I'm staying in Torremolinos which is about 10 minutes away from Malaga in a taxi. There are hotels in Mijas and Marbella but that's further away.

The hotel we're staying in is ok. I wouldn't chose to stay here on holiday - there are 750 odd rooms so very busy and the rooms are tiny. My daughter really likes it though. We went to the entertainment last night and she was totally mesmerised by it. We both felt quite down yesterday as everyone else has no flown back so we were really missing everyone. We dealt with it by throwing money at the situation - I bought a really nice perfume for 51 euros and she bought 2 walking, yapping dogs for 12 euros.

I'm going to see Mum soon. Ex is here now so I can spend longer at the hospital. Really, really hoping that today brings some good news. I don't think she needs to be 100% recovered to fly home. I think they're just looking for her to be improving. I'm not really sure though as no one really speaks perfect English and no one seems to understand my "Spanish".

VPOW, I have no idea what gwappa means, however it's spelt, either. I just thought I might cheer you up a bit if I said something silly . I'm sure you're very gwappa really.

No it did Jux!

Mum's doing really well now (I hope!) And they're talking about removing her dressings altogether tomorrow so she's definitely going on the right direction - yay!

The fucking twat owner of the villa hasn't refunded the 500 euro damages deposit. Fortunately my sister paid by Visa through PayPal so has initiated a dispute. We had a green swimming pool that resulted in ear infections (and 140 euro medical bills) for the children, filthy unusable outdoor grill, a flood from her knackered watering pipes, cockroaches, a plague of mosquitos from the blocked drain and just to cap it off my sister had raw sewage backing up through the drain on her ensure shower room. Everything was dirty, cheap, chipped and/or broken. And the cheeky bitch has the audacity to withold the deposit?! Fuming!

On the plus side the Feria in Malaga sounds awesome so gonna take my daughter with me before we go. It's actually on all week and looking at the photos of past Ferias it looks like a lot of children go and all the adults just get pissed on sherry and dance on the streets so I'm there!

We're coming home tomorrow! Yay!

Mum's back to her slightly cantankerous self which I'm taking as I good sign.

Glad your mum is feeling better! Yes I think being grumpy is a sure sign of being on the mend

That's great to read.
So glad you are both able to come home now.
I hope you enjoyed the Feria?
Safe journey and I hope things just get better and better for you now.

I'm back home!

On the plus side my Mum is alive and doing as well as can be expected. Unfortunately it's not as well as she expected as I think she was expecting some kind of miracle cure once she was back on British soil.

Also on the plus side I've lost loads of wright through the stress of it all and with my tan I'm looking pretty hot for 42.

On the negative side, the house I was supposed to be renting and then buying has run into snags re my friendgetting finance. We discussed "plan b" which was me buying it straight away. Grandma's house has sold to a cash buyer so that's all in hand. BUT (massive but) I managed to "aquire " ex's credit report and tax returns. There's no chance whatsoever of him buying me out for even half of what I'm entitled to based on what I've put in. He clearly knew this all along. My view is that he never ever took us splitting up seriously so just said "whatever ".

So we're now on "plan c". Which is my mum buying the house on a buy to let and then renting to me until the marital home is sold. I've spoken to a financial advisor and this is theoretically possible. There's a financial hit I'd having to pay 2 x stamp duty and 2 x legals. Probably loads of legal stuff too. Realistically I think it's 50/50 chance.

Meanwhile, Ex and I are back to living in the same house but not speaking. It's fucking marvellous! I think he's going away on Monday. If he survives that long.

I'm tempted to resort to "plan d" which involves humane rat traps balanced over cat litter trays and 'weils disease". But for obvious reasons can't expand on that plan on a public forum!

Thoughts are with you. There is nothing worse than violence or the threat of it.

Hmmm. He can go & find another place to live. Why does he get the house?
you are married ! you have children including one of his, he can go & rent a flat.....cheaper as only one potential child visiting, whereas you have 3.
Having said that, a change is a good thing, a clean page & all that....
So glad that you are out fo the fog & know its just logistics now

re your Mum, it is a HUGE op that she has had,(believe me, I know) she has grown 6 cm.. imagine the muscles that are stretched now, & the TRAUMA from being cranked open (yes) for the bone work. she will recover well, but there is pain & she may need physiotherapy for the muscle spasm etc.

Onwards & upwards !

Could you take over the mortgage and stay where you are?

Glad you're home! Your mum will need time to recover but I hope she feels a little better just with the thought that any further treatment needed will be with English-speaking staff in the familiar (if slightly shabby) environs of the NHS :)

Regards the finances - big surprise that he hasn't been honest. I think you will have to probably go down the route of court orders to get him out and the house sold. Gird your loins.

Could you and your mum buy the house together and then she can come off the mortgage at a later time?

ninkynonk I'm not sure if we can buy it together as it needs half the value to be on a mortgage. I've already got a mortgage on my current house and my mum's 67 so she can only get a buy to let mortgage. It's definitely worth asking the financial advisor though as it would save me having the 2 lots of fees.

pocketsaviour that's exactly what I was thinking! He loves this house so won't be in any rush to move.

penfold yes I probably could buy him out as my mum would help. I don't really want to though as I hate this house. It's too big and too old. It constantly needs work and I can't be arsed with it. It's too noisy as well being on a busy road.

mix56 I would prefer him to live here until the house is sold (if I can move out that is) as it's less disruption for my daughter. I wouldn't want either of them having to stay somewhere horrible. This house needs so much upkeep that it's better if he's the one who lives here as he's a lot handier than me.

My Mum, I think, underestimates just how major the operation was. A few years ago I fractured my sacrem and it took a good 2 months to heal. Even now it still "tweaks" on occasion and I have to take painkillers. She's been under the knife twice, has a scar that's a good 6 inches, had pins and screws put in and a completely shattered vertebrae. So, it stands to reason that it's gonna take longer than the 2 months it took my tiny fracture to heal. She has a pretty full life and she's just really frustrated that she's not able to do the things she enjoys. She normally goes on holiday every month but she's just not well enough at the moment. She was supposed to be going to Benelmadina in 2 weeks but has obviously had to cancel that. I think it's going to take months and months to get back to how she was. Plus she's got osteoporosis so I would think that's not going to help the healing process.

Welcome back! (Have you changed your password? If not, do it now - 10+ digits long, mix of caps and uc, and a few numbers etc thrown in.)

No I couldn't work out how to do it - probably wasn't long enough so signed in with Facebook instead.

Why? I'm not on the list am I?!

Doesn't matter whether you're on the listt or not, really (I am), but it's general internet safety. If you use the same emai/pw combination for other sites then change those pws too. Just in case.

Mind you, it looks like an Mner has received an unsolicited cake from a bank not her own, so not all bad . She has been advised to punch it to see if it's dangerous

You're not on the list, btw www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2452645-THE-LIST

Good point jux I do use the same email and the same 5 or 6 passwords. PayPal and bank are both completely different but I do a lot of online shopping.

Speaking of which, Desigual also do bedding and home wares! So, as it was the last day of the sale I bought a gorgeous new duvet cover and a guest towel. And a cushion and a candle. So I have no house but really nice bedlinen