I've got a black eye

[Verypissedoffwife]

Started a thread a couple of weeks ago but had it moved to "the other place" as I was worried I was too identifiable on it.

It was about my husband offering his sister a job that I'd previously asked for and been told "no". It's irrelevant now really as since then we've barely spoken 2 words to each other and have split up. He was sleeping on the sofa whilst made arrangements to find a rental property.

On Thursday night he lost his temper and sente flying into the door frame. I've got a black eye and a massive lump and bruise on my forehead.

I feel absolutely devasted. I've got to go to work tomorrow looking like I've been in a fight. I feel so ashamed.

It's not the first time so I know I shouldn't be so surprised but I just can't believe he's done this. My 7 year old daughter is really upset because she misses her Dad. And I just feel so overwhelmed by everything.

Wow! All the best to you

That's a great update - well done!
I don't think you believe for a minute you stayed for an 'easy life'.
Your life has not been easy with this knob of a man.
You did what you thought would be best for your kids.
It takes 'victims' of domestic abuse on average, 13 incidents before they are really ready to leave.
You're ready now and it is all timed perfectly.
Have a wonderful holiday, you so deserve it.

I think I stayed because I blamed it all on myself. I'm certainly not perfect so I just thought I was lucky he put up with me. Plus a lot of it I forgot. Or buried.

It probably wasn't far off 13 incidents. The worst was the emotional stuff though because that just got inside my head and made me feel worthless.

He always said it was me that was abusive. I spent so long questioning that - doing online quizzes, reading books etc. Now though I just don't give a shit. If I'm abusive - so be it. I have no intention of having a serious relationship again so I won't be inflicting myself on anyone anytime soon!

I felt a bit sad this morning when I got the cases out as it reminded me of our last holiday as a family which was really quite good. It made me feel sorry for him that he's missing out on everything. But them I reminded myself that he doesn't actually feel he is missing out on anything ay all. Because he hates me, hates my kids, hates holidays, hates flying, hates having fun, hates my mum and my family, talking, living in nice modern "finished" houses and sharing any aspect of his life with me whatsoever. So actually we've both got exactly what we want!

Excellent!

Really happy for you and your kids, OP.

delighted for you OP.
you're so strong.
good riddance to that piece of shit.

Gosh, OP, you are such an "abusive" person that you have everyone rallying around to lend you a hand!!!

You sound lovely, to be honest, and well appreciated by everyone, except for people who don't matter like your horrible ex

Things are very bad here in Spain. My mum's had a fall and shattered her vertabrae. We've had numerous problems - with the insurance company and the first hospital. We ended up having to forcibly discharge my mum on advice from the insurance company as they wouldn't share files so the insurance company were starting to get suspicious that they were deliberately claiming for unnecessary medical procedures.

So we transferred mum by taxi to a bigger hospital in Malaga. They said the vertebrae was shattered (and not dislocated which the first hospital said) and recommended a different op. Turns out she shouldn't even move let alone be yomping around fucking Malaga .

Insurance company been fucking horrendous and started to claim that the second hospital wouldn't cooperate either so they couldn'tgive consent. We had to raise a formal complaint and threaten them with Twitter, Internet, daily mail etc but finally they gave consent so operation going ahead tomorrow to pin it back together.

Ex twat face wank bucket has been his usual shitty self and has refused to answer any of my calls or texts asking him to come and help his daughter as I was having to spend all day with my mum while my sister was looking after 5 kids (her husband had flown back for work and isn't due back until the weekend ).

Also the villa is shit - pool like pea soup and everything is the cheapest of the cheap from ikea. Lots of broken/chipped crockery and glasses. Broken blinds and lamps. It was supposed to be luxurious and my mum paid 7000 euros for this.

Still, at least my mums in a fantastic hospital now. Op scheduled for 3pm. One of the doctors from the insurance company claimed the Spanish health care wasn't as good as the uk and the procedure is dangerous. So shit scared about tomorrow but trying to keep it all from mum and remain positive.

We've requested telephone transcripts from the insurance company as they've lied and lied and lied. They claim they didn't advice us to discharge my mum. Every single day there's been a different claims handler and a different doctor on the case and they all said different things.

I think God must fucking hate me. Probably all the swearing!

Bloody Hell vpow! They say what dosent kill you makes you stronger - you will soon be wonder woman. I have known people have operations in Spain - always safe and good results, You are bound to be worried but I'm sure dm will soon be on the mend.

As for twat face, that's just another confirmation that he is no help to you and that you can manage without him.

So sorry that your holiday is so stressful, just what you don't need. But yes keep on to the insurance company, They sound appalling.

Sending positive thoughts to you all.
x

I know I keep telling myself that!

My sister said that my son told her he was worried with all this stress I'd end up going back with twat face but it just confirms he's a twat of the highest order. On a positive note my youngest (his daughter) has apparently racked up a massive bill on his Vodafone account by streaming Sponge bob square pants on her Ipad as I'd forgotten to turn 3g off with everything that's been going on. He answered that text quick enough!

Just read the thread. Goodness me, what a time you've had. Fingers crossed the op goes well for your mum tomorrow.

Oh OP, what rotten luck. I hope everything is okay with your mum.

I've always loved Spongebob

OMG what a nightmare you are having.
I'm so sorry.
Things will get better.
Thinking of you.

So sorry to hear about your nightmare holiday and your mum being so badly injured. Hope the op goes well - I'm sure it will. Hang on in there!

VPOW, I'm so glad your son said that. Further confirmation - and the most important - that you're doing the right thing!

So sorry your holiday has turned out to be so stressful and for your poor mum. I'm sure Spanish healthcare is at least as good as nhs, I think the main reason we have had a tendency to look down on, and be suspicious of, other European health systems, is that we don't have to pay for ours at the time of need. Thank goodness you're insured (even if it is with a shitty insurance co - who are they? I'm sure the threat of being exposed on MN too will help!). My bro shattered his shoulder in Europe, and he says the hospital and the care he got was second to none. In fact, infinitely better than the after care he got back in UK. Better equipment, better doctors with more options etc etc.

Will be thinking of you all today, and hoping the op goes OK, and your mum will soon be wending her way home.

Oh god how awful, I hope your mum is ok. This will all be in the past one day, hang on in there.

Thinking of you, OP, and hope all goes well for your mum. Always heard the highest praise of the Spanish healthcare system.

Hope Dm is out of surgery and recovering well xx

You are doing so well x hope all goes well with your mum

Operation went well and my mum's recovering! They think she may have osteoporosis as I think the screws didn't go in perfectly tight so she's got to wear a brace for a couple of months. Sooo relieved! I could have kissed the surgeons!

She's being discharged on Monday or Tuesday. When I asked if she'd be able to walk the looked a bit surprised and said "of course" so I think she's coming back to the villa. Insurance company ringing tomorrow to arrange after care or help if she needs assistance in getting home.

The Spanish hospital was brilliant. Really luxurious compared to the hospitals I've been to in the UK. I've Googled a bit and I'm not sure she would have got this op straight away on the NHS. I'm not sure exactly what surgery she had but the way they explained it was that they rebuilt the vertabra as there was only 30% left (with what I don't know ) and then attached it to the adjoining vertabrae with titanium plates and screws.

She's got to go for tests in the UK re the osteoporosis but hopefully it's not too bad since they managed to attach everything without it all crumbling.

I'm trying to see the silver lining here but maybe it's a good thing that the accident happened when it did so that she got the operation here rather than the uk. I'm probably speculating though as, having Googled I can't find an operation that fits exactly with what I think she's had.

Good news. Great to hear it's gone well, try to relax a bit now and have a bit of holiday time x

Thank you all for the well wishes. It's been a really stressful time but thank god my mum's ok. It's really made me appreciate just how much she means to me.

Obviously shit head hasn't enquired about the outcome of the op. My sisters absolutely disgusted as my mum's done a hell of a lot for us over the years and his lack of giving a shit was really conspicuous amongst all the well wishes from others. I'm starting to think he's an actual psychopath as he's certainly not wired up the same as others. Anyway I refuse to give him anymore head space.

Tomorrow I'm going to go to Plaza Mayor near Malaga and buy my Mum a Desigual bag like mine as she said she'd like one. Then after seeing my mum I'll take the kids to the beach. They can go on as many pedalos and eat as many ice creams as they want and I will have a nice -bottle- glass of cava or two!

Point your mum in the direction of the national osteoporosis society when you get home op. Their helpline is excellent (manned by specialized nurses). Hope the rest of your holiday goes well!

call the police, or visit your gp and get it looked at.

victim support or some refuges and housing associations may do a photo service where they take photos and keep on file if you need to prosecute later.

you will need this evidence at some point.

(ok this may be too late for you, but I found advice like this helpful on other peoples threads)

ps named for the flower not the blackeye...