I've got a black eye

[Verypissedoffwife]

Started a thread a couple of weeks ago but had it moved to "the other place" as I was worried I was too identifiable on it.

It was about my husband offering his sister a job that I'd previously asked for and been told "no". It's irrelevant now really as since then we've barely spoken 2 words to each other and have split up. He was sleeping on the sofa whilst made arrangements to find a rental property.

On Thursday night he lost his temper and sente flying into the door frame. I've got a black eye and a massive lump and bruise on my forehead.

I feel absolutely devasted. I've got to go to work tomorrow looking like I've been in a fight. I feel so ashamed.

It's not the first time so I know I shouldn't be so surprised but I just can't believe he's done this. My 7 year old daughter is really upset because she misses her Dad. And I just feel so overwhelmed by everything.

I don't know what you decided about reporting him but just to reassure you - social services would probably at most give you a call and when you confirm you've left him they won't take it any further.

I logged it with my GP and I took lots of photos on different days but I didn't report it to the police. I do regret not doing so now as I'm not really worried about social services now. I think I was a bit shell shocked when it first happened and I actually felt sorry for him. God knows why since it was me with the black eye.

I've spent a lot of time talking about things with my sister in the evenings over a glass of wine. My youngest daughter is wonderful and I love her to bits but she can be very manipulative. This is a trait that he has positively encouraged in her. For example, if she came to me and asked for an packet of crisps I might say "no - dinner will be ready very soon" whereas he would say "won't mean mummy let you have them? Of course you can have them my poor starving girl". Another example would be if she was crying, because either I'd told her off, or said no to her he'd say "look she's crying real tears, has nasty mummy upset you?". Always dressed up as a joke of course. I honestly think the best thing for my daughter would be if he lost interest (or she did) and he had minimal contact. This has happened with his elder daughter. Since she went to high school 5 years ago she stopped wanting to see him much and I think he sees her maybe 3/4 times a year at most.

ninkynonk thanks I will do. I've done a bit of research and I think there's some injection you can have to thicken the bone. Probably not on the NHS but she could afford to pay for them.

From the sounds of it it's not that advanced as they were still able to perform the surgery and they said there were signs of it and it needed to be looked into in the UK, rather than she definitely has it. And she did go with a bit of a bang whem she fell, so probably anyone's bone would have broken in that situation - but probably not shattered to that extent.

My sister's on her way to Malaga now and I'm staying at the villa with the kids. The pools sorted now as I got a bit arsey with the owners and insisted they clear out the algae so I'm looking forward to a few hours relaxing.

What a relief for you.
In your words I can feel that tonne weight lift from your shoulders.
So pleased your mum is OK and has had some really good care.

The more you write about your vile Ex the worse it gets.
But like you said, no more head space.

I hope the kids have a lovely time at the beach. Enjoy it. You deserve it!

I'm so glad to hear the news of your mum and hope her recovery is swift and stress-free. I'm glad to hear that the Spanish hospital and medical staff were good too. The problems for the NHS providing many ops is simply one of funding. If you have an insurance company paying then your options open up.

You are right about ex. He is a manipulative bastard and your dd would be better off without him, but at least she won't be subjected to his influence daily now. Be firm and don't allow her to be manipulative at home, she will learn.

Enjoy your day by the pool!

Just on the way back from seeing Mum. The operation went really well and the surgeon said she's 6 cm taller now and she reckons she's got to have lost weight with not eating so that's an unexpected bonus!

I've also lost weight too with all the stress and I must be looking pretty hot as I got a kissed on my hand this morning. There's a homeless guy who is always by the entrance to the hospital and I gave him a few euro this morning so he gave me a snog. He's a bit toothless and smells a but of booze and fags but still - a definite improvement on the last one!

I just found this little fella trying to make his way into my bedroom. I reckon he's astep up too. So many choices - cockroach AND hobo! Go me!

lol

Nice to see you still have a sense of humour.

Glad your mum is doing OK.

How about covering it with an eye patch- because you had to get some minor surgery maybe?

Wow what a nightmare. Glad you're on the other side of it.

I hope you've taken pictures of that villa. I would definitely be expecting some cash back for that.

You sound like, against all the odds, you've had quite a nice holiday!!

Good luck to you, VPOW, you deserve a life full of love and fun. You're on the way!

Well it just goes from bad to worse.

Mum's not healing so is at this very moment undergoing surgery to see what's going on. There's no way she'll be able to fly home on Saturday so me and my youngest daughter will be staying on. I don't know at the moment how long for so can't rearrange the flights. The insurance company are going to call tomorrow to go through the options. I think they'll cover the costs of accommodation and rearranged flights but I don't know where we'll be staying. My ex is flying out on Saturday to help out with my daughter while I'm at the hospital so that's going to be just wonderful.

Haven't read waft yet but PLEASE take photographs.
I was assaulted (by police; long story)
Also, (glad that you are seeing gp) get go to put it on your notes.
I pursued my complaint, got it investigated high up, got a rather lame 'complaint upheld' ( with active involvement of mp, which helped) and the promise that those particular pp would have to undergo further traing.

Obv yours is entirely different but the PHOTOs of the injuries that they gave me turned the case.

For your future security, get PHOTOs.
There is nothing like being believed.

Sry op. Thread has now gone on. Glad (?) that you have photos.
Maybe look at reality's thread in relationships? I'm sure that someone can find it.
:)

Thanks last I'm past the point of caring now re ex. I just want my Mum well and to go home. I know I'll need to deal with it when I get home but right now I just have to put it all to one side as I have no choice but to fly him out here. And plaster a smile on my face and be civil.

It's just so fucking shit.

It IS absolutely fucking shit but you will be able to look back in the future and tell yourself that no matter what shit was thrown at you you maintained your family priorities.

(Really glad that you got the photos)

Long time lurker but just wanted to say you are doing amazing!

So sorry all going shit with your mum and her recovery. Hopefully it won't take long for her to be back fit enough to be able to get her home soon. And you won't need ex's help for long. Just stay strong don't let him wear you down whilst your feeling vulnerable and focusing on your mum.

Good luck I hope things improve for you soon

I'm hoping it will only be an extra week. I don't know what I'll do to be honest if it goes on longer than that.

Her wound just won't heal. They're opening her up and cleaning it (I think ) and putting 2 drains in. I've no idea how long it will be after that before she's fit enough to be discharged but from Googling it seems that you can't fly within so many days of surgery due to the risk of DVT. My mum's not exactly thrilled about ex coming out but I just can't think of any other option.

Even now after everything that's happened with my Mum he's being an arse and I'm having to bite my tongue.

well done you though for putting on a smile and getting on with it for you and your Mum

Bright smile in public but swear away here.
Your dd will at some point in the future, appreciate the horrible situation that you are in right now ( I don't mean I dear p, I mean mother). And realise that you did all of your human best.

You are being a wonderful daughter.

Well done. It's v hard.

Thanks for the flowers. Mum's has her op and apparently they've removed the bone graft. God knows what happens now as I don't know if bone can regrow?

We've booked in at a hotel around the corner from the villa. It's 4 star but it's massive and full of kids and I can hear the noise from there at minight so it's a bit "rocking"! Didn't have much choice though as there were only 3 hotels available and that was definitely the best one.

Ex and daughter are booked on a flight home on Wednesday and all being well me and mum will follow Thursday/Friday.

I think we'll all need another holiday to recover from this one!

Blimey OP, you and your Mum are in the wars!

I admire how well you are coping. Keep going

Saw Mum's doctor today and they are really pleased with how the wound looks. She may be discharged Tuesday, maybe Wednesday/Thursday/Friday. All a bit of a guessing game.

I've booked flights for my daughter and ex on Wednesday. It just so happens that there's a massive festival in Malaga on Wednesday so ALL hotels are fully booked. I'm homeless come Wednesday so my back up plan is to crash on the sofa bed in my mum's room. Perhaps I can get my new homeless friend to take me out first? Not sure though as today he ignored me and was telling another woman how "gwappa" she was. He's never called me "gwappa". Twat.