DRY 8!!!!!!

[CheesyNachos]

Hello! This is our 8th! thread for those who are abstaining from alcohol and for those who want to abstain. :) We love newbies and lurkers. We have people who have been DRY for years, for months, for weeks, days, and hours. :) ALL are welcome. We have heaps of tips and we offer support at any stage.

DRY 7 the previous thread is here...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2347295-DRY-7?

Resist, resist resist Sea. Think about what would happen if you did ...
Alcohol will not alter what ever it is that is bothering you and you will just have the problem AND a hangover/shame/remorse etc etc tomorrow :(

Distract yourself? manicure, colouring, tidy the cupboard, go for a walk/run?
Or, try the 15 minute rule " I'll think about it again in 15 mins..." and repeat ?

Would it help to pm me and chat about it? If it helps ...

Hi sea for me the easiest thing is not to buy wine. If you buy it you'll drink it so don't leave the house. Take off your shoes, run a bath and hide your own car keys. Do you have a garden? Walk to the bottom of the garden and take some deep breaths.
Failing that, put a face mask / hair treatment on your head so you CANT go out!

(Slinks in wearing sackcloth and ashes).

Just want to apologise unreservedly for my post earlier this week. I was drunk (of course, it's ME and I'm only a twat when drunk!). It wasn't directed at anyone at all. It was a huge projection of how angry I am at myself every time I drink. I don't think I deserve people to say nice or supportive things every time I do. I think people should say FFS, you have all the knowledge so what are you playing at you weak idiot.

Because that's how I feel. And I don't think that at all about other people but I think that of me so this forum probably isn't for me but I would never suggest it isn't a great help for other people that somehow deserve it more than me. And I know that's irrational as I deserve it too.

On Monday I had no intention of drinking. Went to the cinema at 10.30am with a friend, loved the film and felt a bit overexcited (it was Legend with Tom Hardy who I am always excited by lol) and said friend has a drinking problem so when we went out for lunch he did the whole 'we'll just have a couple' and I knew we wouldn't and said that to him but still did it and of course we then drank all day. And I was so angry with myself after he fell asleep pissed that I made that twatty post on here.

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday did yoga, ate well. Grounded myself. Felt like I'd crack this in the end. Had intense feelings of wanting to drink but pushed them away. Felt proud of myself.

Same thing for most of today till had a text from some Mormons. I'd contacted them a few weeks ago as know they don't drink so thought maybe joining the Church would give me some spiritual awakening which would make me stop. I know an alcoholic who joined and stopped drinking immediately nearly 30 years ago and he is the kindest and happiest person I know with a wonderful family.

But I don't even believe in God and I bloody know I won't be a convert to the LDS Church but when I got the text today asking to meet up I thought 'oh, they'll save me from this so I can have a drink today as a last hurrah or whatever'.

What bollocks and how pathetic that I've ignored all my atheist beliefs to think religion would change me.

So I've drunk today because i'm a twat and I unintentionally upset lovely people on here who are just like me with my twattishness because I was and am angry with myself and no-one else.

So i'm sorry. Really sorry. Best of luck to everyone on here and I hope that we can all get better.

Thanks glad and Teapot. I don't know where the urge has come from. I don't feel sad or down. I know that if I do start, it will be one of those nights that I don't stop.
Playing the tape to the end and MissHoolies post is running through my mind.
I am going to run a bath and read a book. Will then put my pj's on. No more housework to do. I have been cleaning all day.

Icould, have a hug ( I don't care if it is un mumsnetty!) and some
That was a really brave thing to do - to apologise :)
Can you stop drinking any more today? And go and do something else? Much like we are suggesting might help sea ?

sea have you tried The Bubble Hour podcasts or the radio station? I find them very helpful when the urge strikes :) Also, a facepack - hard to drink with one of those on I find ( shades of Weight Watchers there - was always a suggestion when the munchies struck!)

sea have something to eat then or a sugary drink - it may well be a blood sugar crash. While normally I suggest not eating sugar and going low carb for better health and optimum nutrition, - I do think when trying to give up alcohol the lesser of the two evils is to have some sugar!
and :)

Hi again icould and welcome back. I had the rage against all the people in the world that I don't know that can just have a couple of drinks last week - I hated all the strangers who could moderate alcohol! The rage is good to motivate you but don't let it destroy you.

Professional women are holding up jobs, family life and social life while drinking - we are intelligent people yet we know the outcome and still drink. That's why it's hard, we are on one level coping or using it to cope and the feeling have to pour out somewhere.

Is it too difficult to stay away from the friends who drink or encourage you to drink for a short time? I'm living like a monk at the moment.

Thanks glad - I did think about changing my NN and coming back as a new person but I thought I should come back and face it.

Hadron - it's really complicated with this one friend. We've been best friends for almost 15 years and have an intense and unusual friendship. He is gay and has a long term partner (who has no idea of the extent of his drinking problem) and we are very, very close. In a weird way (to others). We have no boundaries e.g he bathed me when I was bashed up after I crashed my car pissed.

We hold hands all the time in public, sleep in the same bed and snuggle when he stays over etc. It's never been sexual but it's certainly not a 'normal' friendship. We text every day and see each other every week. My family and his consider us both to be the others gay/straight wife/husband.

We know everything awful thing about each other and in many ways he IS my partner. We buy my furniture together etc and we consider each other in all decisions. Even though he has a partner it's me and him that holiday together and recently when he freaked out about dying as his partners sister died young - he gave me directions of what he would want to happen if he was dying and I have no doubt he'll be the one there when I die if he is still alive.

But he has a drinking problem too and he's far behind me in thinking it's a problem.

So I have thought of not seeing him but he's so part of my existence - like a partner would be. But I also know him well enough to know that he uses me as a comparison to confirm he doesn't have a problem because he'll drink far more than me initially but hours later he'll have a cut off and stop drinking but I carry on - so he thinks his problem isn't as bad.

But it is. He falls over, pukes and/or gets angry with people which is something I haven't done for ages. Just because my alcoholism has matured if there is such a thing.

We're just as bad as each other except I know I have a problem and he's still in denial.

Thanks all. I had a chocolate cereal bar and a nice warm bath. I feel, lovely, clean and cosy and the urge has passed.
DH has put some beer in the fridge for the game tonight, but I think it will be ok.
Sometimes I think a bath washes the mind as well as the body.

Thanks for the apology Icould. Agree with glad, it was brave of you to do so. Your friend is your enabler and unless he can support you in achieving sobriety, I think you need to have some distance. I appreciate this is a lot easier said than done.

Your self esteem is low and like many of us, drinking keeps you caught in a vicious circle. You need to think of yourself and your needs. If that means having to put yourself first, then so be it.

Thanks to the lovely people on this thread who have seen me through my wobble.

Icould I agree that your friend is enabling, unfortunately :( Difficult situation :(

I know you're right. He's not just an enabler, he's an instigator.

But he's part of me. Without him I am an almost 40 year old woman who is attractive, intelligent and funny who has never had someone really fall in love with her and want to be with her. I've had a few that pretended to but they didn't stick around.

And I've had a few I thought I could be with but I couldn't in the end.

So my 'enabler' is the one I've stuck with. I've pushed away potential partners because they didn't seem to be what I wanted or needed.

So I accepted that I'm one of those people who doesn't meet the one they're supposed to be with. I haven't had a romantic soul mate.

So maybe the one I'm supposed to be with is my friend without sex. Why would soul mates be sexual? I've had great sex with men that would never be my soul mate. So maybe my soul mate is someone who I have a deep connection with.
So how do I leave?

Maybe as many friend/family members tell me - if I wasn't in this 'relationship' with him, I might meet a man who could provide all he does but more as a genuine romantic loving relationship.

So how do I do it?. How do I extract myself from a love that it meeting most of my (admittedly low) needs?.

I'm sorry. This is such a pathetic post.

Welcome back Icould, I'm glad you came back. I kind of assumed you were drunk when you posted as it's the kind of thing I write/wrote when inebriated. It all seems to make sense at the time...

It's hard to say too much about your friend, although I would say that it sounds to me as though you are settling for something that isn't really all that satisfying; and that's not even accounting for the alcohol side of it. You said your friend is married, so he's getting that part of his needs met elsewhere, and yet you are not.

A therapist might say that with this friendship you are deliberately putting a barrier between yourself and other men; a protection of sorts. The alcohol is probably another barrier to you living a full life, another protection. Who knows what might be possible if you give both of these up and step into the unknown?

Evening all! Welcome back Icould.
I don't know what anyone else thinks but I would personally prefer if people didn't post when they've been drinking. This is a Dry thread after all and it would avoid potential upset in the future. Plus I find it triggery even now so would rather not be around it. I appreciate that this is only my view and I can always excuse myself if I don't like it. Sorry to be negative but felt the need to be honest.

Well done to all who went out last night and stayed strong and sober.

Glad you're feeling better now Sea. My favourite place when I'm stressed or sad is the shower. Very cleansing.

Glad you're back Icould. I have to say I'm thinking along the same lines as Teapot, that you are possibly subconsciously putting a wall up between you and potential romantic relationships. Have you been hurt badly in the past? Just curious, what does his partner think about your friendship?

Welcome MissHoolie. I've been through that before. Most of the time I could drink like a fish but the occasional time I would blackout and turn into someone who could be argumentative and nasty (so I've heard anyway, obviously I don't remember). It was indeed Russian Roulette.

Just in from being out myself. Can't lie and I did feel some pangs. There's a festival on so the place was hiving, the weather was beautiful and everyone looked so content and shiny happy with their glasses in their hand. Just felt a bit, dunno, sad and nostalgic almost. Now tucked up at home with the heating on and a peppermint tea in hand. Least I'll not have their hangovers in the morning I suppose.

Evening everyone. The thread seems to be very busy tonight, is that usual for a Friday with everyone preparing for the dreaded weekend?

I'm with you and the bath cleansing the body and the mind sea, it's my second home at the moment together with my candles and my music.

There seems to be a lot going on today about friends/partners/DH adding to the problem drinking. My STBXH used to buy me wine to 'calm me down' - with hindsight it was probably because he liked me being weakened by the stuff. We've been apart for a year now but it has taken me this long to find the strength to go it alone without my 'crutch'. There certainly isn't an overnight fix.

Life isn't suddenly all roses though, I have 2 teenage DC at home going through their own difficulties but at least I feel like I am being a proper mother at last, better late than never I suppose. Hopefully I can repair some of the damage my drinking has inevitably caused them. MissHoolie, I understand that feeling of shame, my 2 DC's have reacted in totally opposite ways, one hates alcohol and won't touch the stuff, the other started self-harming - another form of abuse. Hopefully yours will be the former. Good luck to you and your DD, I hope you can find a way to sobriety that is achievable for you.

Bath and hair wash and manicure etc for me earlier on and watched Gogglebox with family - was nice

Lucy I have to admit I agree with you. I don't think I have posted in here while under the influence that night and I agree I would prefer if people didn't - but yes would just excuse myself that night if it happened.

Off to conference early tomorrow :) Intend for it to go as planned :)

We were trending, earlier on :)

Day one in the bag. Feels amazing to be sober on a Friday evening. I feel so determined about this. This thread has helped me so much today, I can't tell you how wonderful it is to be able to be so honest. Hope everyone's evening has been ok and thanks again x

MissHoolies well done :)

Up at silly o'clock to go to conference :) Have good days, all

Congrats MissHoolies! :)
Yes Glad to clarify I meant while actively drinking, not post event!

[smile ]I knew that Lucy Just stopped for a coffee break. Why do service stations sell alcohol ? Not tempted btw, just wondering? Seems v odd to me? Never really thought about it before.

Because we can't live without booze anywhere?! Bonkers I agree. Hope conference goes well. Off for a run :)

Fab Misshoolie, well done

Best of luck with the conference glad. It seems odd to me that some of your shops can sell booze 24 hours, as a pp mentioned earlier in the thread. We have strict licensing laws over here and no drink can be sold in an off license or shop after 11pm and before 8pm. Our pubs and clubs close earlier too.

I'm coming down with a cold, thanks ds for your germs. Help, does Echinacea work?

Well done MissHoolie. I found the first week insanely tough and tripped up a few times but now after a mere 10 days without booze I wonder why I drank like I did??? Not getting complacent though, I know I have to be on my guard, probably for ever!

glad, lucy you are making me feel guilty with your bright and breezy early starts on a weekend, but it so nice to have a lie-in. Most weekends when I was drunk I would wake at 4am feeling awful, heart pounding, head aching and I would lie in bed, angry for doing this to myself yet again and wondering when I would be legal to drive.

custard, hope the cold doesn't come to much. It's that time of year, autumn coming and the weather changing. I dread it, I am definitely a spring/summer person.

Happy weekend everyone, whatever the weather.