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Original poster

DRY 8!!!!!!

999 replies

CheesyNachos · 24/07/2015 12:22

Hello! This is our 8th! thread for those who are abstaining from alcohol and for those who want to abstain. :) We love newbies and lurkers. We have people who have been DRY for years, for months, for weeks, days, and hours. :) ALL are welcome. We have heaps of tips and we offer support at any stage.

DRY 7 the previous thread is here...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2347295-DRY-7?

OP posts:
BamBam21 · 16/09/2015 10:21

Morning everybody.

Thanks for the blog link lucy. I am another stage 3/verging on 4 person, and it terrifies me. I don't have any specific health problems, legal issues etc, but I feel just rubbish all the time, and now that I am driving I need to be clear-headed and booze-free, or I will end up in bother.Sad Just like bubble I end up drinking to blot out the effects of drinking!

I drank again last night, and just feel like I'm on a treadmill. Every morning DP and I say we won't drink tonight, and then we do, and when we first open the bottle I feel such relief, and then a drink or two down I am regretting it but drinking it anyway. I am going to try hard tonight, but I can never promise anything, and that just really pisses me off. I will try to visualise the witch and see if that helps.

Maybe in my case it should be the "vodka vampire"? It's certainly draining my life away.

Original poster
CheesyNachos · 16/09/2015 10:23

bubble honestly, don't go if you can avoid it. Really.

But I know what you mean.... I have a thing tomorrow too which I have to show my face at. I am planning to leave early. Shall we make a pact to check in after our social obligations and pat each other on the back for a successful evening relishing lovely juices/soft drinks and talking properly with people instead of getting plastered? I'm game. :) I plan to be in bed and online about 9.

OP posts:
gladistopped · 16/09/2015 10:44

I have a couple of big work events events upcoming in Oct. Several are several days away from home. I have wondered about signing up to Dry October and being v public about it with everyone - so I am not tempted to drink when there. Worked for me in Jan this year ...If I can stay on track until Oct 1st!

I know that might be seen as looking too far ahead Confused - but I do need to think about what I am going to do and what extra tools I might need to get me through them sober. As going to bed early isn't really an option !

Any opinions on this as a plan?

TeapotDictator · 16/09/2015 11:00

BamBam - how much are you and DP drinking each day? Flowers

BamBam21 · 16/09/2015 11:18

Teapot I will be totally honest. We get through a bottle and a quarter nearly every night, more at the weekends. It's destroying us. I don't feel I am physically addicted - never have the shakes, vomiting etc, just the craving. I think DP is more physically addicted, but out of the booze we have I think he has a fair bit more of it than I do, and I sometimes notice him a bit shaky and sweaty before we have any in the evening. But we both stopped for Dry January and felt brilliant. I just wish we could have bottled that feeling to motivate us again now.

I feel quite emotional now for admitting how much we drink.

TeapotDictator · 16/09/2015 11:35

I have to dash BamBam but want to acknowledge your post. Please stay here and keep posting as you try to kick this. If your DP is drinking more than you and is showing signs of physical addiction then I am worried that while your attempts to stop are tied together, he will forever "drag you in" because his need is greater than yours. Is there any way you can separate out your attempts to stop with you maybe getting some sober time under your belt while he continues to drink if he wants to? I don't have the answers but that is a lot of alcohol between the two of you. I'm glad you're on this thread. Big hugs and I'll be back later Flowers

BamBam21 · 16/09/2015 12:15

Thank you teapot. It's an obscene amount of alcohol between us, and it worries me that DP and I maybe can't be together and be booze free. I could never be without him, I just want the massive amounts of booze to go away.Sad I look at him sometimes when he has had loads to drink and I don't like him because he is like a stranger, but I know that I am just as bad, and that my DC maybe look at me and think the same way.

We can do this. We can crack it.

TeapotDictator · 16/09/2015 12:33

Does he really want to stop? I mean really? On one level, he can't be thinking that it's desirable to drink like that, but has he had that epiphany that things need to change? I can only speak for myself but I know that until I had my lightbulb moment, I didn't even think it was possible to stop completely and still feel like a functional human being. Once I'd had the realisation, I knew I could never unknow it, if that makes sense. It sounds to me as though you've had that realisation, but has he?

You can do this, I have every faith. XX

MuttonDressedAsGoose · 16/09/2015 12:34

Have you talked to him about it?

TeapotDictator · 16/09/2015 12:38

PS at one point in my drinking history (quite near the end) I decided it would be better to drink vodka than wine. I bought vanilla Absolut (because that's sophisticated, innit Hmm) and topped it up with sparkling water. I thought that way I was minimising the sugar intake, ever worried about my weight, and minimising the hangovers. Oh how I congratulated myself at my little discovery, until I realised I was knocking back 1/4 bottle without it even touching the sides, each night. So I can see how it's possible to get into the range you are in, especially if he is drinking more than you.

How long have you been together? I wonder if it would help to phone the 9177 650 AA helpline? There's no obligation to do anything but I have heard very good things about the experience of phoning, and am thinking of doing it myself to have someone meet me before attending a meeting (I'm that nervous/pathetic). X

TeapotDictator · 16/09/2015 12:39

Link fail - it's 0800 9177 650

BamBam21 · 16/09/2015 12:53

He agrees that we both need to stop but, like me, he gives in to that wee voice. And we both have the wee voice, so if one of us says, "I could murder a drink", the other says, "oh, well let's just have one tonight", and then we cave in. It's very hard, but we want to make a new start and get out of this rut, especially because we have our car now. We live quite rurally, and have to rely on trains, so it's easy to fall into a rut.

I will think about that number teapot, thank you. I'm not sure AA is for me though, and certain it's not for DP!

TeapotDictator · 16/09/2015 13:01

I didn't think AA would ever be for me either BamBam and am still not sure. What I am realising though is that it's not as though you turn up and are somehow committed to following that path, and really - what harm can it do (the answer is none by the way, regarding phoning that number Wink - either it will be no help and you'll be where you are now, or it'll be some help and that's got to be good). I have been to two meetings in my 14 months of sobriety; and I'm a bit more open-minded but still largely plodding on myself.

What's that definition of madness... doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I'd say - try new things, new tactics. If something doesn't work for you then that's fine, move on to the next. :)

BamBam21 · 16/09/2015 13:11

You have really given me a boost today teapot. Thank you.Flowers I need to go now and might not get back on here until tomorrow, but I am feeling more positive about spending tonight booze-free, and I have told DP I don't want any. He agrees, so hopefully this is the start of our change.

I have also been reading Lucy's blog today and have found it very motivating. I am just off to look for the counter app, and take a stopping day selfie.

Smile
TeapotDictator · 16/09/2015 13:14

Yay :) Have a great day Flowers

gladistopped · 16/09/2015 16:25

Good luck BamBam :)

Seabiscotti · 16/09/2015 16:38

Good luck from me too BamBam

Lucy2610 · 16/09/2015 17:15

BamBam if you're drinking that amount between you and DP has shakes and sweats then he is probably physically addicted and he either needs to taper his drinking or get medical help to stop. I completely get the partner in crime element as me & DH were exactly the same, which is why we stopped together and it can be done. Can you be extra strong and not drink while supporting him in tapering his drinking so you can then stop safely together? As Teapot said though he has to want to stop too. Glad that reading my blog has helped and if I can help further just PM me Flowers
Bubble, cheesy & glad re social events, if you can get out of it do and if not arrive late and leave early, drive if you can and escape to the bogs and check in here if you are really struggling. Plus for the lovers of free (which included me!) - it's not free if you end up with a cracking hangover and the next day written off. AND get yourself a sober treat to have straight after as your reward and plan to do something treaty the next morning if you can :) Using Dry October as a reason to abstain is a good one as no one can argue and you could always ask them to sponsor you Wink

gladistopped · 16/09/2015 17:26

Thanks Lucy! I cannot avoid going to these events - presenting at them! So have signed up for Dry October and asked people to sponsor me already :)

I now have this thread as an app on my phone screen :)

Lucy2610 · 16/09/2015 18:55

Excellent glad :) Awesome planning and helping a charity too Wink

BamBam21 · 16/09/2015 19:08

Hi everyone. Thank you all for the encouragement and support.Thanks

Just popped in to say that, unfortunately, tonight is NOT dry, but we are having less than usual. I know that moderation is not a long-term solution, so the aim is still to stop. I feel a bit disappointed in myself, but I also have a new-found hope that we are going to get there. I hope I'm not deluding myself.

I will keep on posting here, if that's okay. I really am determined that we will crack this one way or another.

bubblebathandcandles · 16/09/2015 22:47

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your comments. I really want to go to this event. I don't go out much due to my years of drinking alone and I want to prove to myself that I can be in the presence of alcohol and not be tempted.

I think my safest bet will be to take my car. I will never even sip a drink if I have to drive (although I would bet I have been over the limit next morning on more than one occasion in the past) Blush.

Cheesy you're on, but don't wait up, I don't expect to be home much before midnight.

Bambam, keep reading Teapot's posts, loads of wise words there. I have been where you are many times but now I am actually enjoying being sober - previously it felt like some sort of punishment (probably cos I was permanently hungover). It has taken me many attempts (and failures) to get here and I know it is still early days but this time feels different. I want sobriety more than I want a drink.

And if I do get tempted tomorrow, I will recite Lucy's wise words. The drinks are not free, I will have to pay for them in the morning!

Original poster
CheesyNachos · 17/09/2015 05:25

Good stuff bubbles.'See' you later then. :)

It's funny..... I never ever had a sip when driving also..... it was like the last taboo for me...... but absolutely without doubt I would have been over the limit the next morning many many times..... thinking that having had 6 hours sleep would be 'enough'.

(Actually...... I think more needs to be done in the UK to educate people about this.... many people would be quite innocent of the fact they would be over the limit. That is a bit of a hobby horse of mine nowadays.... ).

anyway..... pineapple juice and soda water for me tonight. It is my 'luxury' drink when out now to 'allow' myself the calories!!!!!

OP posts:
gladistopped · 17/09/2015 08:42

Morning all

Fruit tea made v strong and used as a cordial with cold fizzy water :)

gladistopped · 17/09/2015 08:43

I agree Cheesy about the morning after bit - I know loads of people who have no idea how drunk they still are next morning ... :(

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