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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend won't say my name

999 replies

YellowRose08 · 21/07/2015 11:07

Very random annoyance... might seem minor to a lot of peoples problems on here but it is driving me round the bend!!

I'm in a new relationship of a few months, lovely guy, honeymoon phase, very happy ect..
However, he continues to mispronounce my first name even after I have told him and corrected him multiple times. When I first told him, he was apologetic, said he hadn't realised and he would try and get it right. However, he is still saying it wrong all the time, he's getting defensive now and saying that his way is easier for him to say and that I will 'have to accept that he cannot say it'.
I would accept it if he had a genuine speech impediment(he doesnt) and he can say it right because I've heard him! I think he's just got into the habit of saying it wrong and can't get used to the different way.
It's really getting me down though. It makes me cringe everytime he says my name. My friends give me awkward looks when they hear him say it wrong and he's introducing me to his friends with the wrong name!!
I've told him several times how annoying it is but he doesnt seem to be listening??
Am I overreacting to think it is very disrespectful?? I feel like he can't be bothered to get it right- why should I be with someone who can't make the effort to get my name right?!?!

What should I say to him?? I feel like I will explode if he says it wrong again!

Note - my name is not difficult. Its an English name, there are 2 different pronounciations and ive had it said wrong by 50% of people I meet, but its very easy to say!!

OP posts:
Original poster
YellowRose08 · 05/08/2015 16:28

I have just been down to my local gym and signed up!! Bit nervous as I have never been to a gym in my life, and I have to have a one-to-one session with one of the hunky personal trainers Blush haha!

Unfortunately he goes to that gym too :/ but I know the time he usually goes so I should be safe in managing to avoid him. If not, he can just watch me do some squats and wish he still had that ass ;) haha!

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/08/2015 16:31

Hmm - and there was no other gym available? Just so long as you are going only for yourself, and not in the slight hope that he will see you and realise what he's missing...

Findtheoldme · 05/08/2015 16:32

Don't waste anymore of your life pining for this pillock.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 05/08/2015 17:12

It is the cheapest and closest gym to me. I made enquiries into the gym way before I met him. He goes at the same time and day every week so it will be easy to avoid him. I don't want to see him, that would set me back!

OP posts:
tiredvommachine · 05/08/2015 17:14
Hmm
firebladeklover · 05/08/2015 17:27

yeh, make sure you don't run in to him. He'll be telling himself and his friends you joined to stalk him.

AcrossthePond55 · 05/08/2015 17:32

Counseling can really help if you are honest with yourself and the counselor. I went (probably before you were even born, HA) and basically said "I want to know why I keep picking shit men and how do I stop". It took almost 2 years, brutal honesty on both parts (mine & counselor's), a lot of tears, some looking at things that I didn't want to revisit, and learning and relearning triggers and 'good' behaviours. But my God, was it worth it!

Decades later I have a wonderful DH and two lovely grown sons.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 05/08/2015 17:38

Pfft I am trying not to care what he thinks from now on!! He can think what he likes :) it DOESNT MATTER (practicing this thought process from now on!)

So glad it worked for you acrossthepond :) fingers crossed its as useful for me :)

OP posts:
Whocansay · 05/08/2015 17:52

You do know that the first time he clocks you at the gym he will accuse you of stalking him, don't you?

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 05/08/2015 18:01

Like I said he only goes at specific days and times so avoiding him will be easy!!

OP posts:
AnthonyPandy · 05/08/2015 18:04

YellowRose08

It's really good to be here asking for help from peope but you have to help yourself too otherwise all the good advice in the world won't work.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 05/08/2015 18:10

I havent done it with the intention of seeing him!! I will be going when he is at work!!

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 05/08/2015 18:46

I'm going to believe you (not that it matters what some random MNer thinks). It can actually be helpful to 'not be afraid' to visit somewhere he also visits as long as you are doing it knowingly and with the right motive.

My sucky situation was that the ex that prompted me to see a counselor (the one where I finally realized that I was picking these losers) and I worked, not only in the same office, but in an 'open plan' office where I had to sit across the room facing him every day. And know that others were watching me to see my reactions. I tell you, it was just plain ugly!!! In the long run, it was where I learnt that I will not be chased away from anywhere for fear of seeing a certain person.

saltnpepa · 05/08/2015 19:42

Am I the only one who thinks OP is somewhat of a drama queen and is rather enjoying the attention this 'abusive' relationship is getting her? As for going to his gym well now I am bored, I expect to hear the relationship has been rekindled or at the least to hear boring details about how he looked at her or didn't etc.

A short relationship like this does not need therapy to recover from unless you have mental health issues and this has triggered an episode. This is you maximizing and drawing in an audience from MN. This is like a soap opera now, your seeking therapy, needing vast amounts of hand holding to call therapist and drip feeding new information.

You met an arsehole, who hasn't. End of. It sounds like you are very young so please go and do the appropriate thing which is to go out with your mates, have a laugh and move on tomorrow. Oh and please don't call relate over a 6 week relationship, they have proper cases to deal with. I think this thread has offered some lonely armchair psychologists some rich pickings and a young vulnerable woman with a captive audience. Lets all move on now, it's become boring and predictable and not particularly healthy.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 05/08/2015 20:01

Salt DFOD

Findtheoldme · 05/08/2015 20:02

I think the OP is very young too and she needs to make sure this "relationship" isn't given bigger billing than it merits.

SuperFlyHigh · 05/08/2015 20:10

Salt that's a bit harsh. Biscuit

I don't think the OP wanted things to go wrong which they have done. I do think the gym is a bad idea but then years ago I worked 10 minutes away from my ex and bumped into him just by working in same area…

I think the OP thinks she needs therapy as she's been caught up in his issues and I think has family ones similar which have compared with this relationship.

She isn't ringing relate she's seeing a therapist/counsellor.

If she did as you say then she'd go out have a laugh get pissed and maybe meet a similar man to the one who's just ditched her.

she is young (23) but not young enough not to learn from this and to Find ok it was a short relationship but it was one nonetheless and impacted quite severely on OP or else why would she have posted here?!

Lacoba66 · 05/08/2015 20:17

As I was about to post ^^ saved me more typing. I think the OP sounds as though she has learnt a lot about herself from her thread- so bravo to her!!!

I hope she continues on her path of learning about herself - oh and I'm no where near an "armchair psychologist" Wink. Good luck OP!

AcrossthePond55 · 05/08/2015 20:30

salt, didn't your mother tell you that if you haven't anything nice to say, then don't say anything?

I'm so glad for you that you were so strong, never made any mistakes, nor ever had your heart broken. How lovely for you.

Lacoba66 · 05/08/2015 20:41

My mum always said "don't waste time on men that show you no respect, as men are like buses- always another one behind that may well do!"

I think I got what she meant- lol.

Ivegottogo · 05/08/2015 21:13

You've joined his gym? Oh dear.

More drama to come.

Tbh I don't disagree with salt.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 05/08/2015 21:47

It wasn't 6 weeks. It was 4 months, obviously short but it was very intense and yes it has negatively impacted me. Counselling can only be a positive thing and if it builds my self esteem or helps me learn about myself I think its worth trying. I don't think anybody needs to justify why they go to counselling. I probably would have benefited it before him, but he was the final thing to make me realise I havent got the healthiest mind set.

Not trying to come off dramatic. I never expected this thread to get so many responses and I didn't start the whole 'abuse' thing. I am young and probably very niave and I'm very grateful for everyones suggestions and advice.
I am just trying to learn about myself and trying to make positive changes.

I dont want more drama. I just want to be happy!

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/08/2015 00:56

Don't worry, YellowRose - some people just like to be contrary.

You've explained why you've joined that particular gym, but can I just suggest that you do NOT advertise it to your friends, especially if they're still in contact with the ex, or you might just find him coming in during his lunchbreak, when you weren't expecting to see him. I still think a different one would be better though.

Also ignore the small-minded posts about how this relationship isn't worthy of needing counselling - because again, it's not about this relationship, it's about you and your mindset and your self esteem, which you at least seem to have grasped! It's about giving yourself the space to grow so that next time you'll be able to give this sort of tosser a swerve without a backward glance, and you know this, because you are saying so, well done!

Yes, keep going with your mantra that it doesn't matter what he thinks, because he is irrelevant to you now. Thanks

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 06/08/2015 07:16

Thankyou so much ThumbWitches

OP posts:
GinAndSonic · 06/08/2015 07:20

Some gyms do women only sessions, my local one does, it may be wise to go to the women only sessions to make sure you dont see him.