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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend won't say my name

999 replies

YellowRose08 · 21/07/2015 11:07

Very random annoyance... might seem minor to a lot of peoples problems on here but it is driving me round the bend!!

I'm in a new relationship of a few months, lovely guy, honeymoon phase, very happy ect..
However, he continues to mispronounce my first name even after I have told him and corrected him multiple times. When I first told him, he was apologetic, said he hadn't realised and he would try and get it right. However, he is still saying it wrong all the time, he's getting defensive now and saying that his way is easier for him to say and that I will 'have to accept that he cannot say it'.
I would accept it if he had a genuine speech impediment(he doesnt) and he can say it right because I've heard him! I think he's just got into the habit of saying it wrong and can't get used to the different way.
It's really getting me down though. It makes me cringe everytime he says my name. My friends give me awkward looks when they hear him say it wrong and he's introducing me to his friends with the wrong name!!
I've told him several times how annoying it is but he doesnt seem to be listening??
Am I overreacting to think it is very disrespectful?? I feel like he can't be bothered to get it right- why should I be with someone who can't make the effort to get my name right?!?!

What should I say to him?? I feel like I will explode if he says it wrong again!

Note - my name is not difficult. Its an English name, there are 2 different pronounciations and ive had it said wrong by 50% of people I meet, but its very easy to say!!

OP posts:
sansucre · 03/08/2015 17:31

My god, this guy can't be bothered to say your name properly. That's all you need to know.

He doesn't care about you, all he cares about is himself and how you've made him feel. OP, any relationship you have with this guy is never going to be on equal terms, it will always be in his terms. Block him on everything and walk away. Listen to everyone who has posted advice on all these pages and just walk away now when you've still got some dignity.

But you seem to refuse to see his true colours and who he really is even though so many posters have clearly spelled it out to you . And that's easily the most upsetting thing here.

Sigh.

Good luck OP.

CiderwithBuda · 03/08/2015 17:32

Please please please ignore him! Block him. Now.

He is so feeding on this and getting off on how he has made you feel.

You are worth SO much more.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 03/08/2015 17:35

You did not take him for granted. He's messing with your head. Really, really messing with it.

LoisPuddingLane · 03/08/2015 17:37

There are some men who just love to fuck with you. I was led on for ages by this bloke you used to say longingly "if only things were different". It took me ages to realise that things could have been different if he wanted (he wasn't married) but that crucially he didn't want them to be different. But it suited him to play the star-crossed-almost-lover and piss me about. And I believed it. Oh if only things were different.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 03/08/2015 17:40

:( :( :(

I feel worthless. He's made me feel so small and like nothing. I know I didn't take him for granted - he couldnt give any responses when I asked. But now I feel like its all my fault :(

How can someone be so cruel :(

OP posts:
LoisPuddingLane · 03/08/2015 17:41

Sorry to shout but IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. HE'S A TWAT.

Cynara · 03/08/2015 17:42

OP, I haven't posted on your thread before but I've read it all and just checked in now to see how you were doing after the breakup, and really hoping you were feeling a bit better and able to look back with some perspective.

Unfortunately, I've just seen your update! Please, listen to what everyone, that is everyone without exception has been saying to you. You need to stop this now because you are his puppet. He's pulling your strings and you're dancing to his tune. Everybody can see this but you. I don't mean this unkindly at all, it's just incredibly frustrating to see this play out in its awful inevitability. So many people have been where you are now. You've had the benefit of their experiences and advice. Don't look back in 10 years time when your self esteem is shattered and your 20s are over, wishing you'd believed what we're telling you.

SugarOnTop · 03/08/2015 17:44

fgs woman! you'd only been seeing each for a few months and NOT ONCE could he be arsed getting your NAME correct! He's shown himself to be a selfish, lying tosser - there's nothing lovely about him, even psychopaths know how to use the right words to manipulate people - doesn't make them 'lovely' people

block him from everything and find your self respect! or are you one of those girls who just likes drama and attention?

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 03/08/2015 17:56

The cruelty he has just displayed has just knocked me. I wont contact him again. Im done. He is horrible. How could he be so nasty. I am speechless. I'd love to know how I took him for granted because I didn't. I did nothing but being loving and caring. I wish I never met him :(

OP posts:
Original poster
YellowRose08 · 03/08/2015 17:56

I have never felt so horrible about myself in my whole life :(

OP posts:
LoisPuddingLane · 03/08/2015 17:57

You will feel better. This was not a loving man. He did not deserve your love and care.

andthenagain · 03/08/2015 18:04

He was saying that simply to get a response and it worked.

Your final message should be FOTTFEOFAWYGTFOSM Grin

You will get better quickly as soon as you realise what a lucky escape you have had from the toad

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 03/08/2015 18:05

"He is lovely"
No, he sounds pathetic and he's playing you. Keeping you sweet, in the background for in case he wants you for a bit. Sod the fact that you need to go no contact in order to heal. Lap those crumbs up why don't you.

"if he loved and cared for you he wouldn't feed you all this bullshit and would leave you alone"
Exactly. He's a selfish twat.

"Now he has blocked me on whatsapp."
Good. Block him on everything and start moving on.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 03/08/2015 18:05

How did he pretend so well to be loving when he was being nice??? Why cant he just be that person? :( :(

OP posts:
Cynara · 03/08/2015 18:08

I have never felt so horrible about myself in my whole life

Well, he's got what he wanted then, hasn't he? Seriously, stop analysing it. There's no hidden meanings, no secret code to understand him. He's a twat. It's that simple. Re-read the thread.

Move forward, see a counsellor, treat this as the learning opportunity it is, and next time you meet a controlling fuckwit, thank your lucky stars that you met and escaped from this one first, because this experience will save you from falling for it again in the future. IF YOU LET IT.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 03/08/2015 18:21

I want to let rip at him. I wont. He doesnt care. He isnt worth it. He will end up alone if thats how he treats people.

OP posts:
LoisPuddingLane · 03/08/2015 18:24

Have some dignity. Walk away. Keep walking. And you'll find yourself somewhere better.

SuperFlyHigh · 03/08/2015 18:35

Op I seriously suggest you get some counselling over this man.

He is headfuckery of the highest order.

ScrambledSmegs · 03/08/2015 18:40

Well, you've been played. By a player. What the hell did you expect?

Ignore, block, move on.

flapinko · 03/08/2015 18:41

I agree - have some dignity! Stop over-analysing this poor excuse for a man, and his actions. He's a loser and not worth your time or mental energy.
He played you. Get over it. Learn from it (and from the brilliant advice of all these lovely, wise posters, whom you seem to be ignoring). MOVE ON. Seriously.

ScrambledSmegs · 03/08/2015 18:42

And if you want to write teenagery, angsty, melodramatic emails to help you feel better...

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DELETE DON'T SEND.

You will look back in a few years at this time and cringe.

Goldmandra · 03/08/2015 18:43

Your mistake is in wanting the things he say to make some sort of sense. They never will.

The hurt you feel now is but a tiny hint of what was in store for you if you hadn't called him on the name thing.

Do not ever make contact with him or respond to any of his contact ever again. He will hurt you more and more every time he gets the chance while showering you with compliments in between.

He doesn't deserve another second of your thought.

Have you looked into Relate? I really think you need to. Please do it now.

I'm not normally this bossy but FGS! You are allowing him to mess with your head and you need to stop.

MereKaffe · 03/08/2015 18:46

People never agree on why they broke up. My last bf, he was really nice when we were together but then he started to kind of tell me what I was thinking! Attributing his own interpretations to my choices. Unlike the old me, who would have taken months or years to notice what was making me feel uneasy, I noticed it immediately

I ended it and he told me I was abusive, fickle, selfish, all sorts of insults about my children's relationships with me!!

MereKaffe · 03/08/2015 18:49

So, I posted to soon, my point is, I think it's rare for two people to agree completely on why the relationship ended, so I wouldn't worry about it.

I mean this kindly but you're giving too much importance to his interpretation of what happened. He's entitled to his interpretation no matter how delusional or distorted it is. Just let him get on with it. But keep your distance.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 03/08/2015 19:00

Don't worry, I will never contact him again. I wish I never met him.
Yes I do need counselling. He has fucked with my head, dear god and this was just a few months in!!

Should I try and get counselling ASAP or should I let it all sink in for a while?

OP posts: