Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend won't say my name

999 replies

YellowRose08 · 21/07/2015 11:07

Very random annoyance... might seem minor to a lot of peoples problems on here but it is driving me round the bend!!

I'm in a new relationship of a few months, lovely guy, honeymoon phase, very happy ect..
However, he continues to mispronounce my first name even after I have told him and corrected him multiple times. When I first told him, he was apologetic, said he hadn't realised and he would try and get it right. However, he is still saying it wrong all the time, he's getting defensive now and saying that his way is easier for him to say and that I will 'have to accept that he cannot say it'.
I would accept it if he had a genuine speech impediment(he doesnt) and he can say it right because I've heard him! I think he's just got into the habit of saying it wrong and can't get used to the different way.
It's really getting me down though. It makes me cringe everytime he says my name. My friends give me awkward looks when they hear him say it wrong and he's introducing me to his friends with the wrong name!!
I've told him several times how annoying it is but he doesnt seem to be listening??
Am I overreacting to think it is very disrespectful?? I feel like he can't be bothered to get it right- why should I be with someone who can't make the effort to get my name right?!?!

What should I say to him?? I feel like I will explode if he says it wrong again!

Note - my name is not difficult. Its an English name, there are 2 different pronounciations and ive had it said wrong by 50% of people I meet, but its very easy to say!!

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 21/07/2015 12:24

You're making him 'feel bad' - what emotion are you supposed to feel when he can't be bothered to pronounce your name properly?

RealityCheque · 21/07/2015 12:26

Simple. Start pronouncing his name (and introducing him) as "cunt-lugs".

Or just leave him because he's a bellend.

PosterEh · 21/07/2015 12:27

If he doesn't give a crap in the "honeymoon phase" it's not going to get any better.

annandale · 21/07/2015 12:36

Tonight is easy, just introduce yourself, or correct the name whenever he says it.
His reaction will tell you a lot.
It's possible he has some kind of language processing disorder but even if he does he is acting like a prat.

GemmeFatale · 21/07/2015 12:36

His work do? Every time he introduces you tonight, reach over shake that persons hand and say 'actually it's pronounced 'Myname''

Can you pull off a baffled looking expression?

You could also ask why everyone calls him Dave, when his family and friends all call him Derek?

Dynomite · 21/07/2015 12:38

I agree with Poster. He doesn't care about your feelings now when he's supposed to be all loved up and on his best behaviour, it will just get worse. It's your name ffs!!!! It sounds like he's actually testing boundaries, like he wants to see how much crap you can take. And he probably enjoys 'teasing' you. Either that or your feelings are nowhere on his radar. A dealbreaker either way.

fuzzywuzzy · 21/07/2015 12:39

Each time he mispronounces your name respond with yes Fred/Allan/Farquhar use a different name each time and if he objects tell him he'll just have to get used to it his name is too bland for you to bother remembering it.

Do this especially during sex (or maybe don't)

Thumbcat · 21/07/2015 12:39

Each time he introduces you later on, immediately step in and say "actually my name is X but for some reason he can't say it". Being shown up as an idiot might suddenly help him with his pronounciation.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 21/07/2015 12:41

cunt-lugs +1 Grin

Thinking about it, the only two adults I know well who mispronounce names regularly -
person 1: English isn't his first language (but he does really try and gets frustrated when he gets it wrong)
person 2: she has Dementia Sad

Sorry but you've said he's pronounced it properly before and if it's one of the names above it certainly isn't a 'tongue twister' Confused

Agree with Dynomite - I'm wondering if he's testing your boundaries or he thinks he's funny...either way it doesn't bode well.

Pastaeater · 21/07/2015 12:45

Hmmm. This is an interesting one. My DH is hopeless with names (not just of people, but unusual place names etc). He is just really not great with language (very analytical/mathematical) but even he can get things right if I shout at him enough tell him enough times.
You need to speak very calmly and firmly and say "This really is upsetting me. Please don't do it again. If you continue to mispronounce my name then that is the end for us."
The ball is then in his court. If he cares enough he will do something about it.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 21/07/2015 12:45

You might be able to train him on this one issue to say your name correctly...Perhaps when he sees you actually detaching from the relationship over it. But that is not going to change his attitude towards you, his disrespect for you, or his need to stroke his ego by asserting his superiority over you at your (emotional) expense. When he mispronounces your name, he is belittling and diminishing you, which is emotional abuse. Frustrating you on purpose is emotional abuse.

He tipped his hand a little too early (a lot of abusers will keep the fake facade up until married or pregnancy): walk away before you are entangled with him.

Duckdeamon · 21/07/2015 12:47

I would skip the work do if I were you.

gatewalker · 21/07/2015 12:54

You're making him feel bad? Seriously?! Your name is your identity, OP, and he is disrespecting it. I'm a bit of a maven of the unconscious, so I also believe that while he may not be entirely aware of it, there is an aspect of his continuing to do so that is absolutely no accident at all.

And then to put the responsibility of his feelings on to you, on top of that?

Although it isn't unpleasant, it is very good feedback about how he is going to be in relationship to you. If it's like this towards the start, pretty much count on it escalating the longer you stay together.

gatewalker · 21/07/2015 12:54

it isn't pleasant

FenellaFellorick · 21/07/2015 12:57

you're making him feel bad?

because of course his right to choose to pronounce your name incorrectly without you daring to voice unhappiness about that matter more than how you feel about being called basically the wrong name.

He won't stop, you know. He wants you to shut the fuck up and stop complaining about it.

Flingingmelon · 21/07/2015 13:00

Have you thought of renaming him Reek?Wink

TokenGinger · 21/07/2015 13:10

This would piss me off. My name ends in an "A" and so many people call me the variation ending in "E" and I hate it Angry

borisgudanov · 21/07/2015 13:15

This is a red flag about the size of Hampshire and the mark of a twat of no common order. If he gets away with this he'll be trying something new and nastier. Before you know where you are you'll be dealing with a serious bell-end.

Tell him to do one.

Wristy · 21/07/2015 13:17

Nope. Just get rid now.

I have a longish name (3 syllables) and it can be shortened several different ways, but my husband never does because he knows I don't like it.

He wrote a poem containing my name as part of his speech at our wedding.

I can't imagine even wanting to spend time with someone who can't even expend the little energy required to get your name right.

DaysAreWhereWeLive · 21/07/2015 13:18

Well clearly you can never marry him.

I, Cunt-Lugs, take thee

Nope, he's got to go if he can't be arsed getting something so basic right.

lemonstartree · 21/07/2015 13:20

My exH used to do this to my SIL. It made me CRINGE and I told him literally countless times... His excuse - " I once knew someone who pronounced it that way ....." Yes but SHE pronounces it THIS way .....arse

AreYouSupposedToBeInIowa · 21/07/2015 13:25

Call him Dave, even if his name is Rodney. Grin

nauticant · 21/07/2015 13:26

Tit-for-tat with his name is pointless. Also, training him is pointless if the problem is fundamentally a lack of respect and a desire to make you feel uncomfortable.

What happens when he moves on to the next thing in order to get under your skin? Do you mimic that too?

Duckdeamon · 21/07/2015 13:53

Evelyn is another tricky one!

NameChange30 · 21/07/2015 14:05

Red flag: serious lack of respect and blaming you for "making him feel bad"! Run a mile.

And/or do this:
"Each time he introduces you later on, immediately step in and say "actually my name is X but for some reason he can't say it". Being shown up as an idiot might suddenly help him with his pronounciation."

But seriously. He is NOT a keeper.