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Original poster

Boyfriend won't say my name

999 replies

YellowRose08 · 21/07/2015 11:07

Very random annoyance... might seem minor to a lot of peoples problems on here but it is driving me round the bend!!

I'm in a new relationship of a few months, lovely guy, honeymoon phase, very happy ect..
However, he continues to mispronounce my first name even after I have told him and corrected him multiple times. When I first told him, he was apologetic, said he hadn't realised and he would try and get it right. However, he is still saying it wrong all the time, he's getting defensive now and saying that his way is easier for him to say and that I will 'have to accept that he cannot say it'.
I would accept it if he had a genuine speech impediment(he doesnt) and he can say it right because I've heard him! I think he's just got into the habit of saying it wrong and can't get used to the different way.
It's really getting me down though. It makes me cringe everytime he says my name. My friends give me awkward looks when they hear him say it wrong and he's introducing me to his friends with the wrong name!!
I've told him several times how annoying it is but he doesnt seem to be listening??
Am I overreacting to think it is very disrespectful?? I feel like he can't be bothered to get it right- why should I be with someone who can't make the effort to get my name right?!?!

What should I say to him?? I feel like I will explode if he says it wrong again!

Note - my name is not difficult. Its an English name, there are 2 different pronounciations and ive had it said wrong by 50% of people I meet, but its very easy to say!!

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 21/07/2015 14:06

Start correcting him in public see if it makes a difference. It might encourage him to make more effort to change it.

Either he's doing it deliberately or he's not. No one on here actually knows which.

pocketsaviour · 21/07/2015 14:14

I would bin him off now. As other PPs have said, it's indicative of a serious lack of respect for you as a separate person.

Ragwort · 21/07/2015 14:18

Why are you even wasting your time with a man who can't be bothered to pronounce your name correctly? Hmm

I wonder what on earth you can see in someone who is so rude and disrespectful. How, exactly, does he make you 'very happy' when he can't get this fundamental point about you, your name, correct?

Just bin him.

Tetleys · 21/07/2015 14:23

yanbu. I corrected my hair dresser earlier. she called me by a version of my name, but not my name. eg, julia, julie. But the version she used is not my name and i get her name right!

redannie118 · 21/07/2015 14:29

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, and so we've agreed to take this down now.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 21/07/2015 14:31

I don't believe he is doing it deliberately, or to be nasty, well I don't know why he's doing it! Never had this situation before!
He is very considerate in other ways which is why I suppose I keep trying to brush over it. I'm gonna say it again to him tonight and if he still doesn't take me seriously then it will be a deal breaker

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 21/07/2015 14:32

I have noticed over the years that deliberately mispronouncing someone's name is used by a certain type of person to show how unimportant someone else is to them.
A BF doing it would be a MASSIVE red flag, esp after he has been told so many times.
Start using a wrong version of his name, and see if he likes it.

Twinklestein · 21/07/2015 14:42

What's weird is if he genuinely simply found it hard to say, he could shorten it. Alternatively he could give you a nick-name.

I don't call my husband, sister or many of my friends by their full names...

He basically can't be arsed.

Twinklestein · 21/07/2015 14:43

*By hard I don't mean difficult to pronounce, I mean long.

Zucker · 21/07/2015 14:47

I'd be wondering what would be the next thing he just couldn't be bothered to do properly?

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 21/07/2015 14:51

This is an example of how emotional abuse can be so insidious. He is stabbing you in the heart and then plays the dismissive card when you object. Fun and flowers and compliments are a smokescreen to the real him. Making excuses and justifications for his behavior will not spare you the emotional damage it will undoubtedly cause. Be aware that the period of recovering from such abuse is exponentially longer than the period it was endured. Seriously, trust your gut on this one. It is not going to be mentally healthy for you to continue with him. There are worse things than being alone-this is one of them.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 21/07/2015 14:58

I did tell him a nickname he could give me but he hasn't used it :/

OP posts:
AndTheBandPlayedOn · 21/07/2015 15:01

I can think of a nick name for him!

Wink
Custardmiteofglut · 21/07/2015 15:03

Total lack of respect for you OP. Its your name, it is integral to who you are and he's repeatedly getting it wrong. Not on.

If he fails to get it right after your final request tonight, bin the lazy bugger immediately.

YouBastardSockBalls · 21/07/2015 15:14

I don't believe he is doing it deliberately

Believe it. He is.

If his boss had your name, would he manage to pronounce it correctly? Would he even need to be told twice?

And there's your answer. It's all about respect.

Zucker · 21/07/2015 15:16

Does anyone else in your circle of friends or family use the wrong name too?

SunnyBaudelaire · 21/07/2015 15:18

honestly OP, how could it NOT be deliberate?

stevienickstophat · 21/07/2015 15:20

Sling him. Dick.

LazyLouLou · 21/07/2015 15:28

Just tell him if he can't be arsed to learn your name he is not worth your time. Yes, it is a big deal, it is your name!

She says having had a great grandma and biology teacher who both chose the same, completely different name - mine is too new-fangled apparently (it really isn't).

Grandma I had to put up with. The biology teacher used to send me to the office when I didn't answer the register. That she had never called my name was simply me being defiant, apparently! 3 years I spent being sent to the office twice a week, where the Head of Year would smile sadly and tell me he would try again...

Your bf, like my biology teacher, is being a pigheaded idiot. She thought she could wear me down, she didn't. Never accept it from him. It does not bode well.

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 21/07/2015 15:29

Why would he do it deliberately? He has been single a long time, has wanted to be in a relationship for ages. Why would he then try and be horrible on purpose?
No, no one close to me says it wrong so I don't know where he picked up the wrong pronunciation. Even his parents get it right!

OP posts:
LazyLouLou · 21/07/2015 15:31

Well, if that is the best he can do it is no wonder he has been single for a long time. Maybe he was as disinterested in showing care in his previous relationships.

CalleighDoodle · 21/07/2015 15:32

I agree with sunny. It Is a way to show disrespect, put someone in their place, and about control. I wouldnt be suprised if he starts being controlling in other ways, little ways you dont really notice at first, things you might put down to trying to be nice at first etc..

CalleighDoodle · 21/07/2015 15:34

Maybe he has been single a long time because after meeting him once other women spot red flags that you might be missing?

Or because he still wanta to do what he pleases, such as call someone the wrong name!

achieve15 · 21/07/2015 15:35

OP, I feel your pain, sort of. An alleged close friend does this to me. I have corrected her many times over the years and she still does it, or does a cartoon thing of pretending to put the emphasis where she should.

She does pronounce other names differently than I would though, so although I find it really irritating I have to accept that a)she has some quirks in her hearing and pronunciation and b)she is making an effort even if in a jokey way.

Does he pronounce any other names oddly? if it's just yours and if he thinks it's funny or something, run a mile!

Original poster
YellowRose08 · 21/07/2015 15:38

I feel a bit anxious now :/ he has told me before he can be quite selfish and he likes control coz he doesn't feel in control of his own life sometimes...
He has never done anything controlling though! What other signs are red flags???

OP posts: