Boyfriend won't say my name

[YellowRose08]

Very random annoyance... might seem minor to a lot of peoples problems on here but it is driving me round the bend!!

I'm in a new relationship of a few months, lovely guy, honeymoon phase, very happy ect..
However, he continues to mispronounce my first name even after I have told him and corrected him multiple times. When I first told him, he was apologetic, said he hadn't realised and he would try and get it right. However, he is still saying it wrong all the time, he's getting defensive now and saying that his way is easier for him to say and that I will 'have to accept that he cannot say it'.
I would accept it if he had a genuine speech impediment(he doesnt) and he can say it right because I've heard him! I think he's just got into the habit of saying it wrong and can't get used to the different way.
It's really getting me down though. It makes me cringe everytime he says my name. My friends give me awkward looks when they hear him say it wrong and he's introducing me to his friends with the wrong name!!
I've told him several times how annoying it is but he doesnt seem to be listening??
Am I overreacting to think it is very disrespectful?? I feel like he can't be bothered to get it right- why should I be with someone who can't make the effort to get my name right?!?!

What should I say to him?? I feel like I will explode if he says it wrong again!

Note - my name is not difficult. Its an English name, there are 2 different pronounciations and ive had it said wrong by 50% of people I meet, but its very easy to say!!

Channel Heisenberg

OP - Listen to AnotherEmma's last post (17:04) this man has other red flags apart from the not pronouncing/saying your name right.. if it's not this, it's his attitude towards a supposedly straightforward not even an issue (shouldn't be, saying your name right!) which is very worrying. to me.

selfish and controlling too from his own mouth too? no he will not change and you'll spend an eternity trying to understand his selfishness, getting him to change and getting him to be less controlling. it.will.not.work.

Prem post - you could argue that one version is posher than the other but that doesn't mean that one version is more or less correct.

Love that clip.

Send it to him, but I'd get rid anyway, who wants a selfish controlling BF?

Him saying he was selfish and likes control didn't make me run a mile because I haven't actually seen him be like that. He sounds like an arse but he's really not! This is the only issue. Unless I'm completely blind and have missed other things?! I feel paranoid now trying to think of other signs haha.
Well his reaction tonight will tell me all I need to know

I can't even think of a name like that, but then I am blissfully ignorant of what is considered a particular class way of saying things.

There aren't many but off the top of my head names like:

Ralph (Ralph/Rafe)
Raphael (Raff-eye-el/ Rafe-ee-al)
Lucia (Luce-see-ah/Loo-chi-ah)

(excuse poor phonetic attempts)

Could indeed be a class thing, and I do know what you mean (I have snobbish tendencies myself - it probably shows). As you acknowledged, though, it may be the reason he does it but it doesn't make it any easier to put up with.

Twinklestein you are writing different names though.

Maria is a different name to mariah.
Caroline is a different name to carolyn.

No idea what soph-eye-a is

It's not minor at all. And it's very disrespectful. I think he has to go.

'Him saying he was selfish and likes control didn't make me run a mile because I haven't actually seen him be like that. '

Yes you have - every time he mispronounces your name.

Big Red Flag

I think the MEEchelle vs MichELLE mentioned upthread is a good example. Definite class connotations with the former.

He is showing you how much of a nob he is. Don't ignore it. Get rid

OP your friends probably think he is a total arse:-

No. 1 - because he has repeatedly gets your name wrong in from of them (they can see he isn't making the effort)

No.2 - he is also saying stuff or doing stuff out of earshot to them (maybe about you maybe not) that makes them think he's an arse.

In fact several of your friends can probably see you're happy, hope this is a passing phase and he'll get better.

I can't think of anything ruder. And he shouldn't have to use a nickname for you either.

I know of people with speech impediments who make a real effort with speech/names because they want to or have to. what's your boyfriend's excuse?!

Dismissing your feelings and trying to turn on you for making *him" feel bad shows zero regard for how you feel and is manipulative to boot. As others are saying, it's a red flag.

This time round it's "just" (just!) your name (your identity). Next time it could be anything.

The principle he has established is that it's ok for him to criticise you but not the other way around. And if you dare presume to correct him, he will criticise you even more and apply a spot of emotional blackmail. I really think it's worth giving this man a wide berth.

I think the MEEchelle vs MichELLE mentioned upthread is a good example. Definite class connotations with the former

Yes. I really don't think I could say MEEchelle. I just couldn't.

could it be an upbringing/local accent/someone he's known in the past type thing? e.g. i prefer my name to be pronounced Michelle, but an ex (and others) always pronouce it Meeeechelle. I never bothered correcting them beacuse whilst it grates on me i was 99% sure it was just the way they spoke, not to piss me off.

having said that, if you explain to him calmly and seriously how much it bothers you, and he still doesn't make much effort to change in a few weeks then perhaps he's not the one?

Or (on a lighter note), you could get him to think up a cute nickname for you so he doesn't have to use your name ;)

I don't buy the class argument since the OP has already said even his parents get it right.

It should be enough for him to know her name is important to her and make an effort.

How strange. The fact he gets so defensive says to me he will try over rule you in any future disagreements. Who turns something like this into an issue!?!

oops! that's teach me for not RTFT!!

No, Caleigh, I used those as examples as in my case they are the same name.

The Mar-eye-a I know is spelt Maria, as in Maria Bertram in Mansfield Park.

The Soph-eye-a I know is spelt Sophia, which many people assume is Soph-eea.

And the 'Carolyn' I know is spelt Caroline, which is actually what she was christened, but she changed the pronunciation as she felt it was too posh. (Her father is a lord).

CheersMedea - yes, I have no idea which of those spellings is allocated to which class. I'm obviously aware of the different pronunciations but had in no way linked them to background.

quite glad of that tbh. My friend who pronounces my name wrongly is always pointing out this sort of thing and I am mystified that people are even able to keep that information in their heads, more so that they seem to want to.

I realised it's not helped by people changing pronunciation to suit them but the bottom line is there is no excuse for the OP's BF.

"Why would he do it deliberately? He has been single a long time, has wanted to be in a relationship for ages. Why would he then try and be horrible on purpose?"

This is exactly how nice people like you (and me) end up in relationships with truly twisted individuals and get in way too deep before you even work out he's a bad un.

I'm.not saying that's necessarily the case here, but his behaviour is a red flag.

If he is controlling and abusive then his brain doesn't work like yours, and just because something doesn't seem logical or in his best interests doesn't mean he's not doing it. Judging controlling arseholes by your own standards is a huge mistake (as I sadly found out the hard way, took me several years to learn that one.)

If he is a controlling pick he may be testing you to see how much you will take, where your boundaries are. It starts small and escalates almost imperceptibly over time, at the same time as him being incredibly nice to you. But before you know it, your self esteem is shot and you are worrying if you are going mad! I don't think people lime this plan their destructive actions in advance, but I think they just can't help acting them out.

Maybe there is another explanation, I don't know him. But please proceed with caution and judge him on what he actually does, don't cut him slack because of what you assume his motivations to be.

Prick not pick!

Not to mention, when your partner wheezes your name in the middle of a good old shag, you want it to be actually your name. Otherwise the sexiness and tenderness is rather lost.

A relative used to get people's names wrong accidentally on purpose. So like Dawn for Diane, or Stuart for Stephen. She knew bl**dy well what their names were, it was 100% done to wind me and others up. And it did. A lot. Strangely and I don't know if this was connected but it only occurred to me after she died, she never used her own name and wouldnt let others either. I never really realised how totally out there WEIRD that was.

OP, your bf may be weirder than you think. :(