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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MOST AFFAIRS ARE WOMENS OWN FAULT!? WOULD YOU AGREE?

407 replies

kittylette · 17/11/2006 19:07

I think that most men have affairs because something is missing at home,

if a womans a great cook in the kitchen, a shoulder to cry on, a whore in the bedroom, then there shouldnt be too much of a problem!

i really do think this is the case, and will probably get slated for thinking so,

but this morning on 'loose women' they were all laughing about how they all faked headaches and say they're too tired to avoid sex, and how they only do it once a month and think of england!!
well no wonder men go looking for sex if its being denied it at home??

i always try my best to look good for my DP, and cook nice meals, and we have sex most nights (and i have 2 babies under 2)

just a thought!

kitty

OP posts:
Flossam · 17/11/2006 19:21

Are you suggesting I am wrong in my love of wearing crotchless panties?

WideWebWitch · 17/11/2006 19:21

I most emphatically would not agree. Most affairs are as a result of one partner (very often a man but not always) deciding they want to shag someone else and they will. So just plain old fashioned selfishness/lust/bad behaviour.

So no, I do not agree that if a MAN has an affair it must be a woman's fault! Wtfkngf?

But I can't imagine you are for real, are you? And if you are real and do truly believe this then perhaps you should think about why you believe it.

kittylette · 17/11/2006 19:22

pmsl,

not at all, you wear your crotchless panties with pride!

OP posts:
DratherBdiggin · 17/11/2006 19:22

Shocked beyond shocked. I guess I used to make statements like that before I'd seen much of life.

Is this a joke thread?

DratherBdiggin · 17/11/2006 19:24

Your acronym appears not to be on the list water witch

kittylette · 17/11/2006 19:24

i believe this wicked witch beacause, men and women like sex, if sex is not available in a marriage, then sex will be sought else where,

maybe my titling was wrong, but it WAS more to attract your attention

but i do believe both sides have to work to keep a marriage happy, and what does a man love more than a good BJ?

similarly men should work to make a woman happy, lil romantic breaks, a night away from the kids, meals ect

OP posts:
maturer · 17/11/2006 19:24

If you are real how come you're living in the 1950's?

I hope for your sake your dh never has a "life crisis"......because in the real world if someone decides they want to escape something within them...it doesn't matter what their best friend/dw does for them they make the choices and are responsible for the consiquences. that's how most things work for grown ups!

motherinferior · 17/11/2006 19:25

The married men I've slept with were getting sex at home, actually.

satine · 17/11/2006 19:26

I would say that perhaps a non-existent sex life might indicate problems in other areas of the relationship which should be addressed but not in a thousand years would I say that it's carte blanche for a bloke to start booking into a Travelodge with his secretary. Your marriage would be pretty insubstantial - hanging by a thread, actually.

Anyway, I can't believe I'm feeding such a troll. PARP

kittylette · 17/11/2006 19:27

whats wrong with living in the 1950s?

in the 50s if a woman wanted to work she was slated!

these days if a woman wants to be a good wife, have dinner on the table, live for her children and husband she is slated!

OP posts:
kittylette · 17/11/2006 19:28

im not a troll, lol

ive posted plenty,

OP posts:
ELF1981 · 17/11/2006 19:30

so how do you explain women who have affairs?

This cuts quite close to home at the moment. Having lots of different situations doing off at the moment which would be too hard to explain, let me assure you that sex between the marital pair is NOT the issue.

beckybrastraps · 17/11/2006 19:30

"if a womans a great cook in the kitchen, a shoulder to cry on, a whore in the bedroom, then there shouldnt be too much of a problem!"

Is that really all you think a man looks for in his partner? As I said before - you must have a pretty low opinion on men. Mt dh would be mightily offended if I spoke about him like that.

Tinker · 17/11/2006 19:31

It all sounds akin to, well, prostitution. He gets the money, I perform.

FioFio · 17/11/2006 19:31

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beckybrastraps · 17/11/2006 19:32

GLORIFIED prostitution Tinker

a la Xenia

FioFio · 17/11/2006 19:32

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Tinker · 17/11/2006 19:33

I seem to miss Xenia's wisdom...

lulumama · 17/11/2006 19:34

kitty is not a troll....have seen her posting before....

and i called someone else a troll who wasn;t and have grovelled..so am not so quick to point the troll finger when someone posts something diametrically opposite to what i beleive!

huge diversity of opinion does not make someone a troll..

still absolutely don;t agree!

if sex has gone...there are man many reasons why..the answer is not to go and get the sex elsewhere..but to work on the current relationshikp , IMVHO

FioFio · 17/11/2006 19:34

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maturer · 17/11/2006 19:35

If you've been slated for making that life choice then honey you mix with some very shallow people.
However from the naive views you are expressing I think perhaps that's your type.

foxinsocks · 17/11/2006 19:36

MI you slag

thank god most men don't go looking for sex when they're denied it every now and then otherwise I reckon most of us on here would be without partners

kittylette · 17/11/2006 19:37

prositution???

we only play that on the weekend, lol

i have a very high opinion of my hubby-to-be,

and of course our relationship is deeper than that, weve been together 6 years, are extremely close, we talk about everything, he is honestly my best friend.

we are absolutesoul mates.

i was inlove with him for 3 years before we got together, and he loved me then too, we were each others first partners and mean everything to each other,

so our relationship isnt based on sex, and him working

its just sex is a big part of it because we both enjoy it immensly, and i just think if were both enjoying a happy healthy sex life it helps us be content in our relationship and with each other.

maybe im wrong, maybe i just have a different way of thinking, maybe it is old fashioned, but it works for us

OP posts:
FioFio · 17/11/2006 19:37

This reply has been deleted

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WigWamBam · 17/11/2006 19:37

I had a medical problem years ago that meant I couldn't have full sex for nearly three years.

Would that have been grounds for dh to have an affair? Because certainly there was "something missing at home". But he didn't, and if the same thing happened again now I know he wouldn't. He loves and respects me too much, and sex isn't the be-all and end-all of our relationship.

Fidelity should be a given in any committed relationship. Men are just as capable of controlling their urges as women are, and if a man can't keep his dick in his trousers then it's him at fault every time. If he isn't happy in his relationship then he should end it before he starts another one, surely?

Your initial post sounds as if you think that no man is capable of controlling his behaviour, that they're too stupid or too immature to take responsibility for their own actions. That doesn't do men any favours, and it's downright insulting to women to suggest that we should be responsible if they are unfaithful.