MOST AFFAIRS ARE WOMENS OWN FAULT!? WOULD YOU AGREE?

[kittylette]

I think that most men have affairs because something is missing at home,

if a womans a great cook in the kitchen, a shoulder to cry on, a whore in the bedroom, then there shouldnt be too much of a problem!

i really do think this is the case, and will probably get slated for thinking so,

but this morning on 'loose women' they were all laughing about how they all faked headaches and say they're too tired to avoid sex, and how they only do it once a month and think of england!!
well no wonder men go looking for sex if its being denied it at home??

i always try my best to look good for my DP, and cook nice meals, and we have sex most nights (and i have 2 babies under 2)

just a thought!

kitty

God. hate "my man" - tis v wet.

i dont see any thing wrong with her last post isnt that what we all want from a relationship

what an offensive load of complete and utter bollocks

he is my man

and we wuv each over sooooo vewy much, yes i dooo
smooches all over him

From amazon

"It's 1968 - Mira Ward is lonely, depressed and in a mess. Having spent years subscribing to the American Dream of a husband, children and a spotless kitchen in suburbia, Mira decides it's timefor a change. Her world is about to be turned gloriously upside down. "

[popcorn, beer]

This thread is hilarious. Much better than watching "Children In Need".

Seriously, though, as a MAN, I don't think it's true that people only have affairs because something is "missing" at home.

I've known people who still find their wives lovely and sexy and would never dream of leaving them, but have gone and shagged somebody else because, well, they wanted to and it was available, frankly - at a conference or in some other "safe" situation away from the home.

There is that old cliche about men being able to separate love from sex better than women, which I think is true to a certain extent. It's a bit of a dangerous one, though - does it mean that, if a bloke has an affair, he's just responding to some physical need and it doesn't "mean" anything, whereas if one of you lot does it then it's likely to be more of a betrayal on an emotional level, or a need to fulfil something which isn't there emotionally?

Put at its most simply, it comes out as something like "Men have affairs because they fancy a bit of totty. Women have affairs when they don't love their husbands any more." You can see the problems with this dichotomy straight away. Interesting to discuss though?

right im gonna go do the pots before bed

puts pinnifore on and crotchless panties

pmsl,

nite gals xx

and a serious word of advice, dont take everything so seriously?

I am picking my jaw up off the floor.

I wish it was as simple as not getting the sex at home - often its about communication breakdown first and maybe - maybe sex follows but not always.

It wouldn't matter how unhappy I was there was no way I would go and get what I wanted somewhere else, somehting goes very very wrong within the betrayers head to go off and have an affair. Its not as clear cut as you would like to think.

They don't think of the consequences of their actions they think of self, self, self. It blows a family apart and I hope you never, never have to experience the heartache that an affair causes.

It's wonderful that your relationship is so alive and loving atm and I pray that it stays that way I really do, but please don't count your chickens before they've hatched.

UnquietDad - interesting point.

I have a few male friends who have had affairs. It's nothing to do with sex at home (lack of it) in any of their cases. One guy has had a load of affairs (at least four I know of), lasting over a long time. He has a loving wife who does everything for him, including making sure he has a "good" sex life. He doesn't want to leave his wife, he just cant help his impulse to sleep with anything that breaths.

KL you come across as very immature, if you have been with your partner 6 years you must have been about 16 when you got together... very young indeed and I think most relationships that start at that age dont last because as we mature we change, so what you want at age 22 may well be different to what you want in 10 years time at 33.

Inset day today, in many parts of the country, cabin fever is a terrible thing.

BKBK,

things may change as i grow older, but i will always be with my partner,

its hard to decribe over the net, words dont mean much on a forum, but what we have is truely special, and is real everlasting love,

i know most of you will be rolling your eyes and thinking yeah right,

but relationsships from age 15 do last, can last and ours will do that,

you cansay what you want about me, my views,

but it really does hurt when people doubt my relationship with my partner, coz my love for him and my 2 sons are the one thing i can guarentee to take to my deathbed, which will hopefully be many many years from now

so are you big knickers

I am 7 1/2 months pregnant with my third child and working full time, I recently discovered my husband was developing a 'relationship' with a girl through phone calls and texting, I was devastated and the impact on me and my family has been devastaing.

I don't remember cooking,cleaning and sex on tap in my marriage vows, I remember for better or worse etc.

You never know what is round the corner, I advise you are not so smug kitty, I had complete faith in my husband and would have sworn he would NEVER have done something like this to me, he was always buying me presents, he cooked, cleaned etc. I really hope you are never in this position because i can gurantee you opinions will change.

im sorry to hear that, i didnt mean to upset you

your realtionship kitty sounds very much like mine we have been together since i was 18, so 8 years and as i said before our realtionship has been very tested on many levels and has never cracked

Kitty, I dont want to post what I'm really wanting to say in case people concerned are Mumsnetters, but "relationsships from age 15 do last, can last and ours will do that" - try not to sound so smug/naive

whys that smug or nieve??

its a general comment

ive been with my partner since 15 & we will stay together,

WHY is that so unbelievable and offensive?

i dont think thats smug either maybe

you haven't upset me kitty- the point I am trying to get across is that things can change when you least expect it, I know people who have had affairs after 25 years of marriage, you never know the future.

I am happy for you that you have a solid relationship BUT that does not mean it will never change, especially as you are still very yloung.

im young so what??

does that mean that everything you believed when 22 was wrong?

that every descision you made before 30 was a bad one?

i tell you what ill throw my dear DF out now shall i?? whilst the kids are young so they dont remember the break up??

FFS

fwiw kitty you do come across as young but then I'm a fat old 37(!)

good luck with your long term plans - if your opening comment sums up all that your 'man' wants he sounds like a simple man - then enjoy.

What & where are you planning to study at Uni?

I was engaged to my dh at 16 we had been married for 14 years when he went and had an affiar now I would never have thought that he would have an affair not in a million years.

We had 4 children two of them where 1 and 2 when the affair started.

We were because of our jobs pillars of the community - people who other people looked up to on all things especially family life but it happened to us.

I feel like saying if it can happen to us it can happen to anyone, now i'm not saying our relationship was perfect because it wasn't but I really don't think it was as much to do with 'us' as it was about him and what was going on in his head.

But please don't think that this will never happen to you because if your dp its a midlife crisis or depression then tbh anything could happen.

And to say that you have been through loads of trying/difficult situations so far and are ok doesn't mean that the next time something happens it will send either one of you over the edge.

Tell you what you will be telling another story then and it will be along the lines of how do we rebuild what we once had?, how do I forgive?, How will sex ever be the same again? When will the ripple effects stop?

Just read the relationship thread to get a bit of an idea of how and why these things happen.